President Thomas S. Monson Dies at Age 90 (Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints)

Mormon Newsroom ^ | 1/2/2018

[Normandy]

LDS President passes away at age 90. According to church procedure his successor will be Russell M. Nelson, current president of the Quorum of 12 Apostles.

[freedumb2003]

No booze, no caffeine, lots of sex - pretty good recipe for long life.

lds may be a cult but it is a healthy one.

[Vaquero]

Please. Give the job to Bishop Mitt. Get this clown out of the running for the senate seat.

[Terry Mross]

I thought the 12 would all go to separate rooms and God would tell each one who the next president will be. And each one will have the same name!

I have one question. Why didn’t he prophesize his death?

[Terry Mross]

I predict it will NOT be Romney or Hatch.

[Calvin Locke]

lds may be a cult but it is a healthy one.

IIRC, the very first Sherlock Holmes story has an LDS-forced marriage/subsequent death, as the motive behind all the murders.

[lurk]

The senior apostles of the church are all an inch from eternity. When they are gone, the new younger apostles will be much more Politically Correct and flexible on moral issues. Gay dudes will get to have their own planets just down the galaxy from the hetero polygamists.

[Celerity]

God has never been to New York.

Period.

[Tennessee Nana]

Isnt Russell M Nelson already sealed to some dead women as extra wives for his polygamous after life ???

[Tennessee Nana]

Yes but when they made a movie about A Study in Scarlett they left out the Mormon connection and changed the plot...

[PCPOET7]

this might be good news for trump. most of the hostility coming from Mormon politicians and on air personalities is because the religion is a top down geriatric theocracy. the old leader did not like trump so in turn those involved in politics were anti trump fallowing the walking orders of there president and prophet. we will have to wait and see what happens with there new leader.

[Ruy Dias de Bivar]

A STUDY IN SCARLET.

[fieldmarshaldj]

RIP.

[Elsie]

He was not on my radar at all until today!!

 

 

Following the death of church president Thomas S. Monson on January 2, 2018,^[8] Nelson became the senior LDS apostle, and therefore the presumptive new church president.^[9]

 

^WOW!

 

 

^{I'd not seen this on the news!!  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Russell_M._Nelson}

[Elsie]

lds may be a cult but it is a healthy one.

HMMMmmm... Where’d you hear THIS false news from?

https://www.google.com/search?q=prozac+use+in+utah&ie=&oe=

[Elsie]

Why didn’t he prophesize his death?

You are probably thinking of Joseph Smith, Jr. founder of MormonISM.

---

 

 

 

JESUS: Hey Smith! Remember that boast you made about doing more than even I had done to hold the 'church' together?

JOSEPH SMITH: Where am I?

JESUS: Don't you remember? A few seconds ago you were in that jail.

JOSEPH SMITH: Oh; yeah; but where am I NOW?

JESUS: Don't you remember? Does bang - bang ring a bell?

JOSEPH SMITH: Oh; yeah - that crummy gun I had was about USELESS!

JESUS: I hope you left instructions on how to hold your church together.

JOSEPH SMITH: Dang! I knew there was SOMETHING I was forgetting!

JESUS: Looks like there's a power struggle going on down there.

JOSEPH SMITH: Yeah; there was always SOMEone who wanted the power that I held - especially over the LADIES - wink wink.

JESUS: No need to worry about that now; remember what my friend Matthew wrote down?

JOSEPH SMITH: This? “At the resurrection people will neither marry nor be given in marriage; they will be like the angels in heaven” (Matthew 22:30)

JESUS: That's it.

JOSEPH SMITH: I thought that was mistranslated.

JESUS: Nah - it was right.

JOSEPH SMITH: Oh well; it was fun while it lasted. My buds will still get it on with the girls.

JESUS: Uh; I'm sorry; in just a few more years; your followers will cavein to the United States government and abandon the 'Eternal Covenant' that you came up with.

JOSEPH SMITH: ME!? YOU are the one that told me to do that!

JESUS: Sorry; but you must have mistranslated what I told you. What part of Do NOT commit ADULTERY did you not understand?

JOSEPH SMITH: mumble....

JESUS: What did you say?

JOSEPH SMITH: Oh, nothing.

JESUS: Well; it was interesting talking to you; but now I must get back to perparing a place for those who believe in Me.

JOSEPH SMITH: Oh, yeah; the Celestial Kingdom.

JESUS: No...

JOSEPH SMITH: The Telestial one?

JESUS: Nope.

JOSEPH SMITH: SUREly not the TERRESTRIAL one!!

JESUS: Nope. Didn't you read that the mind of man had NOT conceived of it? Paul wrote it down in 1 Corinthians 2:9.

JOSEPH SMITH: I thought that was mistranslated.

JESUS: No; it wasn't.

JOSEPH SMITH: You SURE?

JESUS: Yes. Now I must be going: what did you say your name was again?

JOSEPH SMITH: Joseph Smith.

JESUS: Hmmmm. According to my Heavenly FAITHbook, you didn't sign in as one of my friends - sorry, I never knew you.

JOSEPH SMITH: But....

[Elsie]

I predict it will NOT be Romney or Hatch.

Pretty good odds you are right; since it seems the mantle falls onto the shoulders of the oldest fella (sorry girls) in the Quorum of Twelve.

[Elsie]

When they are gone, the new younger apostles will be much more Politically Correct and flexible on moral issues.

Heck; the old ones are ok with NOT following D&C 132:56-66 anyway!

[Elsie]

They sure don't obey the WOW to letter at ALL!

---

 

 

THE
DOCTRINE AND COVENANTS
OF THE CHURCH OF JESUS CHRIST OF LATTER-DAY SAINTS

SECTION 89

 

Revelation given through Joseph Smith the Prophet, at Kirtland, Ohio, February 27, 1833. HC 1: 327–329. As a consequence of the early brethren using tobacco in their meetings, the Prophet was led to ponder upon the matter; consequently he inquired of the Lord concerning it. This revelation, known as the Word of Wisdom, was the result. The first three verses were originally written as an inspired introduction and description by the Prophet.

 

1–9, Use of wine, strong drinks, tobacco, and hot drinks proscribed; 10–17, Herbs, fruits, flesh, and grain are ordained for the use of man and of animals; 18–21, Obedience to gospel law, including the Word of Wisdom, brings temporal and spiritual blessings.

 

  1 A ^aWord OF Wisdom, for the benefit of the council of high priests, assembled in Kirtland, and the church, and also the saints in Zion—

  2 To be sent greeting; not by commandment or constraint, but by revelation and the ^aword of wisdom, showing forth the order and ^bwill of God in the temporal salvation of all saints in the last days—

  3 Given for a principle with ^apromise, adapted to the capacity of the ^bweak and the weakest of all ^csaints, who are or can be called saints.

  4 Behold, verily, thus saith the Lord unto you: In consequence of ^aevils and designs which do and will exist in the hearts of ^bconspiring men in the last days, I have ^cwarned you, and forewarn you, by giving unto you this word of wisdom by revelation—

  5 That inasmuch as any man ^adrinketh ^bwine or strong drink among you, behold it is not good, neither meet in the sight of your Father, only in assembling yourselves together to offer up your sacraments before him.

  6 And, behold, this should be wine, yea, ^apure wine of the grape of the vine, of your own make.

  7 And, again, ^astrong drinks are not for the belly, but for the washing of your bodies.

  8 And again, tobacco is not for the ^abody, neither for the belly, and is not good for man, but is an herb for bruises and all sick cattle, to be used with judgment and skill.

  9 And again, hot drinks are not for the body or belly.

  10 And again, verily I say unto you, all wholesome ^aherbs God hath ordained for the constitution, nature, and use of man—

  11 Every herb in the season thereof, and every fruit in the season thereof; all these to be used with ^aprudence and ^bthanksgiving.

  12 Yea, ^aflesh also of ^bbeasts and of the fowls of the air, I, the Lord, have ordained for the use of man with thanksgiving; nevertheless they are to be used ^csparingly;

  13 And it is pleasing unto me that they should not be ^aused, only in times of winter, or of cold, or ^bfamine.

  14 All ^agrain is ordained for the use of man and of beasts, to be the staff of life, not only for man but for the beasts of the field, and the fowls of heaven, and all wild animals that run or creep on the earth;

  15 And ^athese hath God made for the use of man only in times of famine and excess of hunger.

  16 All grain is good for the ^afood of man; as also the ^bfruit of the vine; that which yieldeth fruit, whether in the ground or above the ground—

  17 Nevertheless, wheat for man, and corn for the ox, and oats for the horse, and rye for the fowls and for swine, and for all beasts of the field, and barley for all useful animals, and for mild drinks, as also other grain.

  18 And all saints who remember to keep and do these sayings, walking in obedience to the commandments, ^ashall receive ^bhealth in their navel and marrow to their bones;

  19 And shall ^afind ^bwisdom and great ^ctreasures of ^dknowledge, even hidden treasures;

  20 And shall ^arun and not be ^bweary, and shall walk and not faint.

  21 And I, the Lord, give unto them a promise, that the ^adestroying angel shall ^bpass by them, as the children of Israel, and not slay them. Amen.

---

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[freedumb2003]

Huh.

I always thought no altering drugs were allowed.

But they still have pictigrams on their Underoos, right?