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Miracle: Coronavirus Passes Over Houses With Chick-Fil-A Sauce Smeared On Door Posts
babylonbee.com ^ | March 5th, 2020 | Frank Fleming

Posted on 03/06/2020 4:00:40 PM PST by foundedonpurpose

Home > Christian Living > Miracle: Coronavirus Passes Over Houses With Chick-Fil-A Sauce Smeared On ... Christian Living Miracle: Coronavirus Passes Over Houses With Chick-Fil-A Sauce Smeared On Door Posts March 5th, 2020

Shares SHARE U.S.—The CDC is suggesting lots of weird ways to avoid contracting coronavirus, such as "washing your hands" and "not licking doorknobs." These methods sound kind of sciencey, so we were immediately suspicious of them.

Sure enough, it seems the best way to avoid getting infected is supernatural: many have found that if you paint Chick-fil-A sauce on your doorposts, the virus will pass right over you and your household.

Research seems to indicate that the Angel of Coronavirus passes through each town and city every night and looks for the telltale sign that you are one of God's elect, Chick-fil-A sauce. Those with the correct sign of being one of God's people are passed over, while those without the sign are visited and immediately infected.

"We have no explanation," said one so-called "scientist." "This must be some kind of miracle from God." The scientist said that they tried other substances, such as liberal tears, hand sanitizer, and essential oils, but only Chick-fil-A sauce proved 100% effective at staving off the Angel of Coronavirus.

At publishing time, President Trump had vowed to lead the nation's Christians away from the Coronavirus-infested country and into the Promised Land where there are hardly any diseased people, or people at all. This turned out to be Greenland.

A Babylon Bee subscriber contributed to this report. If you want to get involved with the staff writers at The Babylon Bee, check out our membership options here!


TOPICS: Current Events; Religion & Culture; Religion & Science; Theology
KEYWORDS: babylonbee; boodofprotection; chat; chickfila; coronavirus; parody; satire
As noted at the end of the article. An unnamed subscriber contributed to this. I referenced the senior writer as the author, as he would have had to review it before posting.
1 posted on 03/06/2020 4:00:41 PM PST by foundedonpurpose
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To: foundedonpurpose

To the moderator, I goofed on spelling Blood. My apologies, help a guy out if you get a couple seconds.

Regards!

Founded


2 posted on 03/06/2020 4:04:17 PM PST by foundedonpurpose (Praise Hashem, for his restoration of all things!)
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To: foundedonpurpose

Smearing Chick-fil-A sauce on your door used to work...but not now, not since CFA turned its back on God.


3 posted on 03/06/2020 4:11:22 PM PST by moovova
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To: moovova

I haven’t been there in something like four months.


4 posted on 03/06/2020 4:12:19 PM PST by Rastus
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To: foundedonpurpose

Are they using the original or BBQ?


5 posted on 03/06/2020 4:12:22 PM PST by Bullish (Covfefe Happens)
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To: foundedonpurpose

LOL!


6 posted on 03/06/2020 4:20:17 PM PST by VeniVidiVici (QUIT DRINKING CORONA!!! (it sucks. Try a Marzen))
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To: foundedonpurpose

Ketchup from In-N-Out Burger also works.


7 posted on 03/06/2020 4:21:47 PM PST by kaehurowing
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To: foundedonpurpose

Okay

The title alone is hilarious


8 posted on 03/06/2020 4:24:11 PM PST by Vendome (I've Gotta Be Me https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BB0ndRzaz2o)
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To: moovova

The last time I was at Chick-fil-A was 11/20/19, for that very reason.


9 posted on 03/06/2020 4:30:52 PM PST by null and void (By the pricking of my lungs, Something wicked this way comes ...)
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To: moovova
👍🏻
10 posted on 03/06/2020 4:35:25 PM PST by Jane Long (Praise God, from whom ALL blessings flow.cuase)
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To: kaehurowing

How about garlic mayo from Bad Daddy’s?


11 posted on 03/06/2020 4:41:50 PM PST by wally_bert (Spend like you were going to the electric chair!)
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To: foundedonpurpose

I tried it with Popeye’s sauce but all I got were a sailor and a narcotics cop fighting on my front lawn - and then they both got Coronavirus.


12 posted on 03/06/2020 4:48:30 PM PST by KarlInOhio (Democrats couldn't count a Siskel and Ebert vote, but they'll still try with those dead Chicagoans.)
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To: kaehurowing

I’ll give it a shot.


13 posted on 03/06/2020 4:58:23 PM PST by foundedonpurpose (Praise Hashem, for his restoration of all things!)
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To: moovova

Back to the Blood of a Lamb...


14 posted on 03/06/2020 4:59:27 PM PST by foundedonpurpose (Praise Hashem, for his restoration of all things!)
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To: Bullish

Not specified. Funny nun the less.


15 posted on 03/06/2020 5:00:34 PM PST by foundedonpurpose (Praise Hashem, for his restoration of all things!)
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To: moovova

Do you really think you are right?


16 posted on 03/06/2020 5:37:51 PM PST by Salvation ("With God all things are possible." Matthew 19:26)
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To: KarlInOhio

ROTFLMAO!!!


17 posted on 03/06/2020 6:11:10 PM PST by GreenLanternCorps (Hi! I'm the Dread Pirate Roberts! (TM) Atsk about franchise opportunities in your area.)
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COVID-19 Spreadsheet using JHU data

File XLSX

Not able to provide the XLS file right now.

18 posted on 03/06/2020 6:57:56 PM PST by DoughtyOne (Beware Hillary Clinton and the 25th Amendment.)
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To: foundedonpurpose

If my wife and I were about 40-years younger (she’s 81 I’m 86), I’d try to convince her to let me smear that sauce all over her (at least once a day) to protect her from the chicom virus...

At my age it’s hard to remember whether the “smearing it on” or the eventual “licking it off” would be the most fun...


19 posted on 03/06/2020 8:16:43 PM PST by SuperLuminal (Where is Sam Adams now that we desperately need him)
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To: SuperLuminal

Good for you! May you and your wife be blessed!!


20 posted on 03/07/2020 1:21:16 AM PST by foundedonpurpose (Praise Hashem, for his restoration of all things!)
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