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The way you leave a church is more important than how you came in. Here's why.
Christian Post ^ | 07/16/2020 | Chuck Lawless

Posted on 07/16/2020 6:47:34 AM PDT by SeekAndFind

As a layperson or a church staff member, it’s likely you’ve left a church at some point — or will leave a church in the future. When that happens, I hope you’ll remember the points of this post.

1. People will remember how you leave. They’ll forget even the most miraculous works of God to bring you to the church if you leave in a negative way. Even a few weeks of negative can erase years of positive.

2. Those who remain may be wounded if you leave poorly. Especially if they’ve loved and respected you, they may not understand why you’ve suddenly changed. Long-term friendships can be broken.

3. Your family can be scarred by a bad ending. You might try to shield them from the pain, but few of us do that well when we’re wounded.

4. Poor closures usually color future ministry opportunities. Once you’ve been hurt and carry wounds, you’ll always wonder if more wounds lie in the future.

5. Division left by bad departures can destroy a congregation’s unity. This sometimes happens when departing members challenge others to take sides on the issues.

6. Good departures make ministry a celebration. Rejoicing over victories is always better than battling over remaining disagreements.

7. Healthy closure paves the way for the next leaders. One of the best ways to help the church’s next leader is to leave in joyful response to God’s calling – not in anger.

8. Leaving well fosters long-term friendships. Moving to a different church doesn’t have to harm relationships if the departure is handled well.

9. Good leavings promote Christian unity. Regardless of where we serve, we pray for and love other congregations when we’ve left well. Good memories promote harmony between churches.

10. People will remember how you leave. So, I repeat #1 above, but with a different flavor. Leave in a positive way, and churches often forgive years of negative.

What would you add to this list?


TOPICS: Moral Issues; Religion & Culture; Worship
KEYWORDS: christians; lifestyle; worship
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1 posted on 07/16/2020 6:47:34 AM PDT by SeekAndFind
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To: SeekAndFind

You guys spend way too much time worrying about what others think. IF you have come to the point where you are leaving an organization, it is probably well known WHY that is happening.

It is always best to leave with your head high, your integrity intact, and a smile on your face.


2 posted on 07/16/2020 6:50:39 AM PDT by Vermont Lt
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To: SeekAndFind
There is no “Church” these days. You are not allowed to go to Church by your betters. No, online churching is not like being there.

We need to test the illegal mandates from governors. It should go all the way to the Supreme Court. Do we have a 1st amendment right or do we not?

3 posted on 07/16/2020 6:54:10 AM PDT by dhs12345
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To: SeekAndFind

I was abandoned by my church, Kirk of the Hills in St. Louis, after being outsourced twice in 1 year back in 2002. All I asked for was a chance for a job, any job. I would have taken a groundskeeper position that was available. After 10 years as a faithful follower and over 15k in tithing, the only response was, don’t call us, we’ll call you.

I’ve stepped through the doors of a church a few times since then for my kids wedding and 2 funerals. I haven’t given up on God.


4 posted on 07/16/2020 6:57:02 AM PDT by DownInFlames (Galsd)
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To: SeekAndFind

I walked (quietly) out of a church mid-sermon when the Pastor started bashing “those right wing talk radio hosts.” I had only attended that church a handful of times and never returned. I knew it was not the congregation for me. My intent was to make sure they remembered why I left.


5 posted on 07/16/2020 7:03:32 AM PDT by ConservaTexan (February 6, 1911/June 14, 1944)
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To: SeekAndFind

I always leave the same way I came in - through the door.


6 posted on 07/16/2020 7:04:40 AM PDT by LouieFisk
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To: DownInFlames

Remember that it is the message and not the messenger. Modern churches are apostate.

I hope that you are still praying and reading the Bible. Do not let it diminish your faith. Churches are not necessary and are ancillary.

May God Bless you.


7 posted on 07/16/2020 7:11:08 AM PDT by dhs12345
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To: ConservaTexan
It is very sad when a pastor deviates from the teachings of the Bible. Church leadership can do more damage than all of the evil in the world because the leadership make people not trust the faith and they drive a way nonbelievers.

In my opinion, these tainted pastors are the worst of the worst. The most evil.

Just my opinion, but you should have stood up and confronted the pastor. It is your responsibility as Christian.

I hope that you continue to pray and read the Bible.

8 posted on 07/16/2020 7:15:28 AM PDT by dhs12345
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To: SeekAndFind
9. Good leavings promote Christian unity.

I don't understand that!

If someone feels compelled to "leave a church" (I have problems with that ill-defined expression), then he probably disapproves of that church in some way - and maybe even harbors ill will towards that church. Perhaps he feels that that church is actually sending an anti-Christian message, etc.

In that case, why would he care about any negative after-effects to that church after his leaving? Wouldn't he actually hope that his leaving might precipitate a collapse of that church?

Regards,

9 posted on 07/16/2020 7:19:59 AM PDT by alexander_busek (Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence.)
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To: dhs12345

Daily.


10 posted on 07/16/2020 7:20:54 AM PDT by ConservaTexan (February 6, 1911/June 14, 1944)
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To: Vermont Lt

And as you walk out the door, singing “The hills are alive, with sound of muuuuusic!”


11 posted on 07/16/2020 7:23:18 AM PDT by avenir
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To: dhs12345

Thank you for your post.

Our small rural Methodist church didn’t have just one person leave. The entire congregation walked out, notified the District Superintendent that we were finished with them. Changed the locks on the church and keys went to a few trusted Trustees. All signed a letter with a very conservative statement of faith and a notification that the United Methodist Church was not welcome on the property. Remarkable cohesion in the Holy Spirit.

The last lady pastor: “There is no hell. I serve a loving God” Heresy is rampant in that degenerate organization.

If businesses ran their HR operations the way the UMC appoints pastors, they would all be out of business. The devil is a busy guy.

And yes, you are correct, these tainted pastors are the worst of the worst. We cannot allow them to lead the little ones astray.

Shalom


12 posted on 07/16/2020 7:29:37 AM PDT by esopman (Blessings on Freepers Everywhere and Their Most Intelligent Designer)
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To: ConservaTexan

Well done. Many churches should be walked out of for preaching “another gospel” rather than the gospel of the grace of God. The flesh loves justification by works, God has cursed that approach to fellowship with Him. “Leave them, they are blind guides.”


13 posted on 07/16/2020 7:30:10 AM PDT by avenir
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To: SeekAndFind
Matthew 18:6

New American Standard Bible but whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to stumble, it would be better for him to have a heavy millstone hung around his neck, and to be drowned in the depth of the sea.

Many pastors today are just playing the role of SJW, sad to say many will see first hand the lake of fire is.

14 posted on 07/16/2020 7:32:10 AM PDT by MAAG ( “Tetelestai”)
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To: SeekAndFind

A friend of the family, tells a story about why she left a particular church.

She said how the women of the church were not easy to get along with. She got involved in some of the women’s groups in the church, and the women tended to look down on more recent members such as her. They boasted about how they had “always” been Christians, how their grandfathers and fathers were preachers, etc. which they somehow believed enhanced their Christian credentials. She felt that they didn’t see her as quite their equal, being a newer member of the church.

Also, there was lots of gossip about other women church members, regarding what they were doing with boyfriends, were they seeing anyone, why weren’t they seeing anyone, rumored problems in someone’s marriage, etc.

She said that a common discussion was, “better pray for (woman’s name)”. “Why”, someone would ask. Then, that launched a mean girls gossip session about what she was doing, had gotten involved with a man who wasn’t a strong Christian, and other such transgressions.

I know Christianity is far more than what church someone is a member of, but, since the topic is why do people leave a church, this story from our family friend came to mind.


15 posted on 07/16/2020 7:34:40 AM PDT by Dilbert San Diego
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To: SeekAndFind
I apologize for the tl;dr nature of what's to follow here, but I am compelled to respond to this on a point-by-point basis.

1. People will remember how you leave...
For most people, that won't happen for long. It's not about you anyway: it's about the worship of the true and living God. When I have left churches (not for reasons of geographic relocation), it's been for reasons associated with worship and ministry opportunity (see point 4 below).

2. Those who remain may be wounded if you leave poorly...
If there are such people, then you've already had the conversations about the 'why'. The implication of this point is that there's a disagreement over you leaving and someone else staying. If a 'friend' can't understand that, then it's time to move on. Heck, the reason you're leaving could be that you yourself were 'wounded' by an event or a teaching point or some incident that is now hampering your ability to worship.

3. Your family can be scarred by a bad ending...
Few changes in life happen without some regrets. Doesn't mean that the change is the wrong move. If you can't explain in point-by-point fashion why you're leaving (to friends, family, etc.), then you need to assess whether the change is appropriate. Once you can do so and can comfortably defend your reasoning (scripturally if necessary), then you're ready for any negative blowback.

4. Poor closures usually color future ministry opportunities...
Only if you continue to brood about the past. If you are determined to depart, the reasons to do so clearly have outweighed the reasons to stick around... and that's got nothing to do with ministry opportunities. Heck, you are probably leaving because your current ministry opportunities are being hampered in some manner. Leaving could easily be the best thing to help!

5. Division left by bad departures can destroy a congregation’s unity...
2 points here: (1) It is inappropriate to leave a congregation while effectively carrying a banner saying "We're leaving: who's with me?". Again: it's not about you. If you make it about you, then you need to repent.
(2) There are congregations that have a political divide (like those rallying around a pastor while others support an elder/trustee board). Avoid these where possible. People who lose sight of that prior point will eventually bring trouble. Don't be part of such factions.

Note: this is different from the situation in which someone - even a church officer - is in unrepentant sin. The ruling board of the church needs to deal with this and remove such a person. If they don't, that's a solid reason for you to leave.

6. Good departures make ministry a celebration. Rejoicing over victories is always better than battling over remaining disagreements.
There are some disagreements that are based in fundamental issues with Biblical teaching. These are important. Arguments over the color of the walls or carpet are not. Learn the difference.

7. Healthy closure paves the way for the next leaders...
Some people can be worked with because they understand such things. Some cannot. We can't change that.

8. Leaving well fosters long-term friendships. Moving to a different church doesn’t have to harm relationships if the departure is handled well.
If your reasons for leaving are good, then you need to move on. People are fallen and won't always react in the manner you hope.

9. Good leavings promote Christian unity...
See answer to Point 8. Time doesn't necessarily heal all wounds. It's also quite possible to have everyone united... and to be wrong. Don't stay on a sinking ship in the name of 'unity'.

10. People will remember how you leave...
Look at the turnover in your church's membership: in 5 years, how many will ever know that you were there? Serve well and that number will increase, for sure, but I'll say this once again -- with a different flavor -- the servant is not greater than the master: serve God well and don't worry about how people react.

People will respect the good servants of God. More importantly, you want that declaration at the end: "Well done, my good and faithful servant".

16 posted on 07/16/2020 7:40:44 AM PDT by alancarp (George Orwell was an optimist.)
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To: SeekAndFind

After years on a deserted island a castaway finally flagged down a passing ship. The ship sent a launch and met the castaway at the shore, but before the castaway joined them he wanted to get some possessions from his living area and the rescue party followed him to an area of 4 huts. The rescuers asked about the 1st hut and the castaway explained that was his bedroom area where he slept and changed clothes and the like. The castaway explained the 2nd hut was his mess hall where he prepared his meals and ate. He also explained the 3rd hut was his church where he set had up an altar and said his prayers to God. The rescuers asked about the 4th hut and the castaway explained “Oh, that’s where I used to go to church”.


17 posted on 07/16/2020 7:43:13 AM PDT by PfromHoGro (Orwell was optimistic.)
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To: SeekAndFind

I left and no one ever knew the difference.

If the Catholic Church had wanted to keep me, it shouldn’t have engaged in a massive cover up of sexual predation by its clergy.


18 posted on 07/16/2020 7:45:54 AM PDT by SaxxonWoods (Prediction: G. Maxwell will surprise everyone by not dying anytime soon.)
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To: SeekAndFind; SaveFerris; Larry Lucido; PROCON
A good entrance is just as important!


19 posted on 07/16/2020 7:52:06 AM PDT by Gamecock (We shouldn't be surprised at God hating Esau. We should be surprised that he loved Jacob. (RCSproul))
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To: SeekAndFind
In Mark 6:11 Jesus says, “And if any place will not welcome you or listen to you, leave that place and shake the dust off your feet as a testimony against them.”

Hey, that doesn't seem very much in harmony with this article! Who is this "Jesus" guy, anyway?

Regards,

20 posted on 07/16/2020 7:54:10 AM PDT by alexander_busek (Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence.)
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