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Keyword: morfordite

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  • SF Chronicle Columnist Mark Morford: EPA's Pruitt Deserves Death Threats

    10/27/2017 9:06:42 AM PDT · by rktman · 28 replies ^ | 10/27/2017 | Tom Blumer
    ... let's look at Morford assessment of Pruitt (bolds are mine throughout this post): Why the EPA director’s security now costs $2 million ... Behold, this banally evil, milquetoast, science-denying government administrator who now, due to an unprecedented, surprising-but-then-again-not-really number of death threats – the agency has already investigated 70 so far – demands a round-the-clock security detail, one totaling dozens of henchmen making six figures apiece and costing taxpayers more than $2 million a year, a ridiculous situation unheard of in the modern era. It is yours to ponder why. Here's a wild guess, Mark: The far-left has become...
  • Mark Morford: The rise of hugely insufferable women [Stunningly Spew-worthy]

    06/23/2010 10:58:58 AM PDT · by 2ndDivisionVet · 81 replies
    The San Francisco Chronicle ^ | June 23, 2010 | Mark Morford
    Not all grown men are suave, sexy, progressive George Clooney/Viggo Mortensen/Colin Farrell lookalikes with sharp blue eyes, stubbly outgrowths and abs like World Cup forwards, all hearts of gold, full heads of hair and perfectly sculpted genitalia custom designed to satisfy a small harem, make birds sing and goddesses purr. Not all adult men are strong and dependable, loyal and true, able to make you laugh, sigh, moan, buy you a drink, jump start your Mini in the rain, smell good all over, build a deck, parallel park a tractor-trailer, and feel sufficiently secure in their masculinity and humanity to...
  • Letterman: "Palin Gave birth to 6th Child during Gibson Interview" Clearly Mocking Large Families

    09/11/2008 8:44:09 PM PDT · by xzins · 73 replies · 2,320+ views
    Letterman Show, 11:38 PM ^ | 11 Sep 08 | Xzins
    Letterman obviously is mocking large families. Half of his comments were negative toward Palin.
  • MORFORD: Vote for Bush? Pay up

    08/06/2008 7:38:52 AM PDT · by SmithL · 29 replies · 148+ views
    San Francisco Chronicle ^ | 8/6/8 | Mark Morford
    Did you help put America's worst prez into power? Time to make amends - Sure, you could start with an open-palmed apology, a profoundly contrite on-your-knees sort of thing, maybe an open letter in your local paper or a heartfelt speech at your next dinner party whereby you stumble though some sort of "I don't know what the hell I was thinking" or "I must've been blind" or "Wow, that mescaline sure was potent" type of defense for your unfortunate and reprehensible choices. But the fact is, that's not really gonna cut it. Of course, you could do the obvious...
  • MORFORD: Buy yourself a life

    08/01/2008 7:52:44 AM PDT · by SmithL · 10 replies · 88+ views
    San Francisco Chronicle ^ | 8/1/8 | Mark Morford
    Pause TV show, order that actor's shoes, car, breasts. It's retail nirvana! This is my dream. It is but a humble vision, completely reasonable, also very, very American in its blatant love of large amounts of unnecessary crap combined with a screaming disregard for anything resembling tact or humility or the simple act of, let's say, tasteful restraint. It unfolds thusly: I stroll the city streets, enter humbly into a cafe, or maybe a bookstore, boutique, log cabin, museum, dog kennel, crematorium. It does not matter, for wherever I happen to be, I will surely see something I want. Perhaps...
  • MORFORD: The end of the SUV

    07/30/2008 7:46:30 AM PDT · by SmithL · 62 replies · 373+ views
    San Francisco Chronicle ^ | 7/30/8 | Mark Morford
    Love 'em or hate 'em, the American land yacht is rumbling into the sunset. Rejoice? Let us, first and foremost, be perfectly clear: it ain't over yet. Millions of dinosaurs still roam the Earth, the giant meteor of merciful annihilation has yet to strike, complete and total upheaval is still merely pending. But it's coming fast. You can sense the shadow, the darkening, the imminent and oily doom. The dinosaurs are trembling, scribbling out their wills as fast as possible. They know the end is near, the signs are all in place, as that giant $63K Toyota Land Cruiser V8...
  • MORFORD: John McCain, please log on

    07/23/2008 7:48:49 AM PDT · by SmithL · 13 replies · 84+ views
    San Francisco Chronicle ^ | 7/23/8 | Mark Morford
    The crusty ol' Repub says he has no clue how to use a computer. Isn't that cute? Dear McCain presidential campaign: You know what's funny and cute and just a little bit sad? Wacky old pre-industrial war-hungry guys admitting they don't know a computer from a microwave oven, a hyperlink from a heart med, can't turn on one of those newfangled PC things if his life depended on it and/or he wanted to see what his weird tattooed bi-curious grandson is posting on his MySpace home docking station whateveryoucallit. Adorable! Cuter still is when said wisecrackin' curmudgeon admits he depends...
  • MORFORD: Here's oil in your eye

    07/18/2008 7:40:11 AM PDT · by SmithL · 26 replies · 104+ views
    San Francisco Chronicle ^ | 4/18/8 | Mark Morford
    Bush lifts drilling ban, oil execs leer, nation cringes, Obama sighs I admit to bafflement. I admit to a bit of total confusion mixed with a certain level of stupefied awe and teeth-rattling frustration as to why anyone with the mental acuity of more than a housefly would think that stabbing more holes into Alaska and the eastern seaboard in the search for a few remaining precious drops of oil is a good idea, would solve anything at all, is anything more than the equivalent of hurling matches at the devil. Perhaps I'm missing something. Perhaps there's some dark, secret...
  • MORFORD: Totally Gay Happy Meals

    07/11/2008 7:45:20 AM PDT · by SmithL · 33 replies · 54+ views
    San Francisco Chronicle ^ | 7/11/8 | Mark Morford
    It is the end of the nutball Christian right. Here is your proof. To go - Hey, remember the angry evangelicals? The quivering clan of militant Christoholics who propelled Bush into office and seized the national narrative for a few terrifying moments about five years back, ran deep into the woods with it and rubbed it all over their naughty bits in a frenzy of fear and confusion and lust for all things homophobic and saccharine and spiritually denigrating? Dying. Nearly dead. Gasping their last. Very soon to be a footnote, a caricature, a gag, a punch line, blasted to...
  • MORFORD: You are not reading enough

    07/09/2008 7:42:49 AM PDT · by SmithL · 18 replies · 43+ views
    San Francisco Chronicle ^ | 7/9/8 | Mark Morford
    Has the Internet killed the joys of sitting down with a good book? The pile is waiting. The pile is getting higher. The pile looks impressive, probably isn't, still feels slightly overwhelming, vaguely threatening, even as it sighs, waits, drums its fingers on the inside of my skull, promising all manner of wonder and insight and syntactical bliss if I'd just, please, maybe, right now, even for just an hour or three, pay it some serious, focused attention. Please? It's a bit of a problem. More than that, it's a moral, ethical, personal issue, a deep indignity of the soul,...
  • MORFORD: My handgun, my parasite

    07/02/2008 7:55:11 AM PDT · by SmithL · 43 replies · 89+ views
    San Francisco Chronicle ^ | 7/2/8 | Mark Morford
    Never forget: The brutal effects of the Bush regime will be felt for generations - Ah, so this is how it's gonna be. Like recurring cancer. No, more like a rogue rash, an STD, flaring up at unexpected times and in unexpected places and when it fades, you gently let yourself forget all about it until it suddenly erupts and hits hard and ruins your day, and then you can only sit back and moan softly, slather on ointment, shudder. Wait, one more: Maybe it's most like a nasty intestinal worm, a wicked parasite like those you suck down in...
  • MORFORD: We are doomed! Sort of!

    06/25/2008 7:58:31 AM PDT · by SmithL · 11 replies · 51+ views
    San Francisco Chronicle ^ | 6/25/8 | Mark Morford
    Earth in crisis, food and water increasingly scarce, people freaking out. Should you join them? It would be nice to think much of the ugliness is coming to an end. It would be lovely to imagine the era of brutal Earth-mauling technologies, coal extraction and petroleum and industrial agriculture and strip mining and clear cutting and industrial fishing and all rest, all the more rapacious and unforgiving notions of how we exist on this planet are, after an era of unchecked capitalistic greed and waste and over-consumption right along with almost zero concern for consequences and the ethics of sustainability,...
  • MORFORD: Hell of a year (so far)

    06/18/2008 7:51:25 AM PDT · by SmithL · 6 replies · 259+ views
    San Francisco Chronicle ^ | 6/18/8 | Mark Morford
    Revealed! The most incredible string of words you've never heard before. Plus: Bill O'Reilly loses - It is nearly summertime in the Year of Our Google, and here in the golden land known as California the following startling and once-inconceivable lament can now be heard: Dammit, with gas zooming toward five bucks a gallon and airlines doubling fares and charging me for a single checked bag, how the hell am I going to afford to travel to all my gay friends' legal weddings across the state this summer? Please note the historic power therein. Because such a peculiar, momentous string...
  • MORFORD: Thank you, George W. Bush

    06/13/2008 7:53:48 AM PDT · by SmithL · 13 replies · 39+ views
    San Francisco Chronicle ^ | 6/13/8 | Mark Morford
    Without your dark and spectacular failures, we wouldn't be so ready to leap forward. Kudos! And then it came to pass that I happened to catch the tail end of a recent episode of "Miami Ink," that odd little reality show on TLC about the trials and tribulations of an unabashedly macho but still adorably funky Florida tattoo shop offering all sorts of engaging quirks, especially if you harbor a mild appreciation for decent Koi fish tattoos and giant ridiculous motorcycles and lots of sweaty siliconed sun baked Miami cheese. This episode featured the story of a young, fresh-faced Iraqi...
  • MORFORD: Farewell, all you old homophobes

    06/11/2008 8:05:46 AM PDT · by SmithL · 30 replies · 51+ views
    San Francisco Chronicle ^ | 6/11/8 | Mark Morford
    California's extraordinary, newfound majority support for gay marriage? Thank the young - It's a generational thing, you could say, grinning just a little as you do so. It's because younger people today — those under, say, 45 or so — have been far more exposed to the gay "lifestyle" and to more fluid notions of gender and sexuality, to the idea of homosexuality as a common, nonthreatening, everyday, what's-the-big-deal shrug, and therefore, as a demographic, they/we understand that allowing gay people to wed doesn't actually mean our shaky notions of God and family and society will collapse like a priest's...
  • MORFORD: Is Obama an enlightened being?

    06/06/2008 7:39:16 AM PDT · by SmithL · 30 replies · 44+ views
    San Francisco Chronicle ^ | 6/6/8 | Mark Morford
    Spiritual wise ones say: This sure ain't no ordinary politician. You buying it? I find I'm having this discussion, this weird little debate, more and more, with colleagues, with readers, with liberals and moderates and miserable, deeply depressed Republicans and spiritually amped persons of all shapes and stripes and I'm having it in particular with those who seem confused, angry, unsure, thoroughly nonplussed, as they all ask me the same thing: What the hell's the big deal about Obama? I, of course, have an answer. Sort of. Warning: If you are a rigid pragmatist/literalist, itchingly evangelical, a scowler, a doubter,...
  • MORFORD: Stay home, read, have sex

    06/04/2008 7:58:49 AM PDT · by SmithL · 21 replies · 44+ views
    San Francisco Chronicle ^ | 6/4/8 | Mark Morford
    Will insane gas prices finally pummel us into evolving? How bad will it get? It should be a truly fascinating — albeit possibly enormously grim — thing to watch, one of the more dramatic and revolutionary market-driven shifts in modern history, upheaving everything we've become so accustomed to and changing behaviors and attitudes and alliances and political agendas and ass-girths and no I'm not talking about the "Lost" finale or the new 3G iPhone or how Brangelina's twins are a sure sign of the Second Coming. It's the massive, painful spike in gas and oil prices, that most wonderful/frightening harbinger...
  • MORFORD: The great Barack Obama insurrection

    05/30/2008 8:09:14 AM PDT · by SmithL · 13 replies · 39+ views
    San Francisco Chronicle ^ | 5/30/8 | Mark Morford
    Hillary was ready. Hillary was unstoppable. Hillary was, by all accounts, a lock. What the hell happened? Are you paying any sort of attention to this moment in time? Are you reading bits and hints about the transformation, the shift, the unusual and slightly surreal energy coursing through the nation? Are you tattooing this seminal period on the sacrum of your sociopolitical consciousness? Are you under 50? Then there's been nothing else like this in your lifetime. And there probably never will be again. You gotta take it all in, you know? Because it was no time at all ago,...
  • MORFORD: The good news, the bad news

    05/28/2008 8:03:53 AM PDT · by SmithL · 30+ views
    San Francisco Chronicle ^ | 5/28/8 | Mark Morford
    Gas is $4 a gallon, but bike sales are up. Gay marriage is here, but so is the apocalypse. It's your choice! The good news: Gas is racing merrily past four bucks a gallon and oil is skipping over a previously unheard-of $130 a barrel and Big Oil execs are snorting like pigs in diamond-crusted mud, and hence people are quickly rethinking their transportive ways, driving less and dumping the land yacht in favor of more Priuses and Mini Coopers and Smart cars, as ultra-efficient auto technology suddenly becomes very attractive indeed. Positive side effects: Bike sales are way up,...
  • MORFORD: Court approves evil gay agenda

    05/16/2008 7:41:48 AM PDT · by SmithL · 17 replies · 65+ views
    San Francisco Chronicle ^ | 5/16/8 | Mark Morford
    Satan's plan to make uptight straight people "really uncomfortable" working out "fabulously," say Bay Area gays - We are all going to die. Very, very soon. Did you know? Apparently, the signs are all in place and the plague is clearly nigh and Armageddon is fast upon us because, oh my angry heterosexual god, the announcement has now been handed down: Couples who deeply love one another may now get married in California. It's true. Wait, there's more. The couple in question might both have penises. Or they both might not. This is the crazy, terrifying new thing: It is...