Free Republic

Sioux Falls Police Department versus Sioux Falls Fire Rescue in friendly competition to see who can make the other one laugh.

The Democratic congressman who opened up the 117th Congress with a prayer that ended in “amen and awoman” has since said that awoman was meant to be a “light-hearted pun” rather than an ecclesiastical statement. After Sunday’s “awoman” prayer provoked condemnation from many conservatives and Christians on social media, Rep. Emanuel Cleaver, D-Mo., responded to critics by releasing a statement condemning those who he said “misinterpreted and misconstrued” his prayer. “I am deeply disappointed that my prayer has been misinterpreted and misconstrued by some to fit a narrative that stokes resentment and greater division among portions of our population,” the...

The porn star left her performance early Thursday during the first of five planned shows at the Admiral. The strip club plans to sue her.

Check out Volume 1, Volume 2, Volume 3, and Volume 4 to see what was previously posted.

1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger." 2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says "Dam!". 3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too. 4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says "I've lost my electron," The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies "Yes, I'm positive." 5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain...

THE inglorious pun! Dryden called it the “lowest and most groveling kind of wit.” To Ambrose Bierce it was a “form of wit to which wise men stoop and fools aspire.” Universal experience confirms the adage that puns don’t make us laugh, but groan. It is said that Caligula ordered an actor to be roasted alive for a bad pun. (Some believe he was inclined to extremes.) Addison defined the pun as a “conceit arising from the use of two words that agree in the sound, but differ in the sense.” “Energizer Bunny Arrested! Charged with Battery.” No laugh? Q.E.D....

This came in over the transom from a reader: PUN INTENDED 1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. Theceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent. 2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you,but don't start anything." 3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted. 4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra. 5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says:"A beer please, and one for the road." 6. Two cannibals are eating a clown....

Q. What is a cesarean section? A. A womb with a view.

Feet have trodden on a stretch of Roman road for the first time in 1,600 years. A section of the road has been fully uncovered in the final stages of an archaeological excavation on the former Shippams factory site in Chichester city centre... Jo Taylor, of Pre-Construct Archaeology, which has been carrying out the project with Gifford Archaeology, said the road probably dated from the late first century AD. Postholes on the southern side indicated some form of settlement, which was probably domestic. District council archaeological officer James Kenny said it was a privilege to stand on a Roman street....

(WCCO) Minneapolis On March 30, Minnesota Timberwolves center Eddie Griffin was drunk and masturbating when he crashed his luxury SUV into a parked Suburban outside a store in Minneapolis, according to a lawsuit filed Thursday by the man whose Suburban was hit in the crash. The WCCO-TV I-TEAM obtained copies of 911 calls and store surveillance video of the incident, along with an accident report the police submitted to the state. Several of the 911 callers that night said Griffin was drunk. One witness said Griffin told him he was watching pornography in a DVD player mounted on the dashboard...

LIMA, Peru (Reuters) - Miss World, the Peruvian beauty queen Maria Julia Mantilla, said Wednesday she was considering suing a plastic surgeon after he told the press he had given her buttock implants and trimmed her ears. "The doctor is presenting photographs that have been altered and you can see, I've never had my ears operated on, I don't have scars, any doctor can come and look at my ears," an indignant Mantilla told RPP radio. "He said he had built me, that he gave me buttock implants and fixed my ears and this is false -- I'm not...

CHICAGO - A northern Illinois resident reported finding a bird’s head in a can of pinto beans, prompting a Chicago-based food company to announce a voluntary recall on Friday.. La Preferida Inc. said in a statement that it was recalling a limited number of its cans as a precaution. The company says the beans were canned by New Meridian Inc. in Eaton, Ind. “There are still many unanswered questions, but we have decided to err on the side of safety,” said David Brand, La Preferida’s director of quality assurance. The company is investigating to determine how the bird head got...

ANCHORAGE, Alaska - A woman drove a station wagon through a wall of the Barnes & Noble bookstore, sending glass, wood and books flying. Three people suffered leg injuries. Two were taken to a hospital. The store was filled with shoppers at about 2 p.m. Sunday when the Subaru station wagon plowed backward through picture windows in a reading area in the store's northwest corner. The car took out the travel section and barreled about 40 feet through the bookstore before coming to rest in nonfiction. "I thought it was an earthquake," said shopper Chris Badgett, 27. "There was screaming,...

Forgive me if this is posted in the wrong place, and forgive me for passing these on. Misery loves company. Really, really bad... Really. Here are the 10 first place winners in the International Pun Contest 1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger." 2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says, "Dam!" 3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly, it sank, proving...