Don't forget blondes and gingers.
#BasicallyWhitePeople
Posted on 02/25/2020 2:48:15 AM PST by sodpoodle
Southern Boys Will Never Say
30. When I retire, I'm movin' North.
29. I'll take Shakespeare for $1000, Alex.
28. Duct tape won't fix that.
27. Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken with a slice of lime.
26. We don't keep no guns in this house.
25. You can't feed that to the dog.
24. No kids in the back of the pickup, it's just not safe.
23. Wrestling is fake.
22. We're vegetarians.
21. Do you think my gut is too big?
20. I'll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits, grits, and gravy.
19. Honey, we don't need another dog.
18. Who gives a rip who won the Civil War?
17. Give me the small bag of pork rinds.
16. Too many deer heads detract from the decor.
15. I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today.
14. Trim the fat off that steak.
13. Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.
12. The tires on that truck are too dang big.
11. I've got it all on the C: DRIVE.
10. Unsweetened tea tastes better.
9. My fiancée, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany's.
8. I've got two cases of Blue Moon iced down for the Super Bowl.
7. Checkmate!
6. She's too young to be wearing that bikini.
5. Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen.
4. I don't have a favorite football team.
3. "Youse Guys"
2. Those cutoffs ought to be a little longer, Betty Mae.
And the Number One Thing That You Will Never Hear a Southern Boy Say: 1. Nope, no more beer for me. I'm driving a whole busload of us down to help in the Elizabeth Warren Campaign.
And the Number One Thing That You Will Never Hear a Southern Boy Say: 1. Nope, no more beer for me. I’m driving a whole busload of us down to help in the Elizabeth Warren Campaign
———————————
I might say that: if I’ve had a whole busload of beer.
If you see a southern guy driving a car and the blinker is on, you know it was like that when he bought it.
Ironic that jokes about the Irish and Southerners are still acceptable, but all other ‘groups’ are off limits!!!!
You forgot “I hate biscuits and gravy...they just go right to my thighs”
Pls Add: Ain’t ever gonna drive around with ma hound in the back of my pick up.
Italian jokes are also acceptable.
Dang it! There just aren’t enough charging stations here in Bartow for my Prius.
Of course I cancel my bass fishing trip to ake you to the ballet, honey.
I was raised in New England, with a time in Wisconsin, then as an adult, Delaware, Colorado, California, New York, Oregon, and now, retired in Louisiana.
Most of these seem to flow from a bun-wearing, latte-sipping Manhattanite!
Don't forget blondes and gingers.
#BasicallyWhitePeople
Add: “Soccer is real football.”
You Might Be A Redneck Jedi IF…
. . . you use your lightsaber to cut the bottlecap off a beer.
. . . you say “these are not the beers you are looking for.”
. . . that “disturbance in the Force” was just last night’s baked beans.
. . . the inside of your house looks more like Dagobah than the outside.
. . . you call your young apprentice, “Juner.(JR.)”
. . . you have ever used telekinesis to pull your jeans up.
. . . the Force isn’t the only thing that runs in your family.
. . . you call Hank Williams Jr. “master”.
. . . your landspeeder has a gun rack.
. . . you meditate to old CCR records.
. . . you call Yoda your Li’l green buddy.
. . . you have ever said, “Anger…Fear…Aggression…Yankees…the dark side are they.”
. . . your X-Wing has a still in it.
. . . your lightsaber has a beer can crusher in the base.
. . . there is more oil in your robes than in your astromech droid.
. . . your robes have the Golden Flour label on them.
. . . you trim your beard and find a Mylock.
. . . you have ever used a lightsaber to light the barbecue grill.
. . . you use Jawas for a drink holders.
. . . you fight with a lightsaber in one hand and a spit cup in the other.
. . . you use a Jedi mind trick to stop the beer truck.
. . . you use your Jedi healing powers to clear up your V.D.
. . . you think the best use of your lightsaber is picking your teeth.
. . . you ever lost a hand during a lightsaber fight because you had to spit.
. . . your Jedi robe is camouflage colored.
. . . at least one wing of your X-Wing is primer colored.
. . . you can easily describe the taste of an Ewok.
. . . you can find no grammatical errors in the way Yoda talks.
. . . you think Stormtroopers are just KKK members with really good sheets.
. . . you have ever used the Force in conjunction with fishing / bowling.
. . . your father has ever said to you, “Shoot, son, come on over t’ the dark side…it’ll be a hoot.”
. . . you have ever had your R2 unit use its arc welding torch to get the barbecue grill to light.
. . . you jump-start your lightsaber off a car battery.
. . . you beat the Gammorean Guard in an “ugly” contest.
. . . your father’s name is Garth Vader.
. . . you got your lightsaber by sending in 750 Skoal Lids.
. . . you have ever beaten up Han Solo for lookin’ at your sister.
. . . you constantly mistake R2 units for beer kegs.
. . . you count B.O. as a Jedi power.
. . . you have ever used a lightsaber to skin a deer.
. . . you have ever used your Light Saber to open a bottle of Boone’s Farm Strawberry Hill.
. . . you think the best use of your light saber is cleaning your teeth.
. . . at least one wing of your X-Wing is primer colored.
. . . there is a blaster rack in the back of your landspeeder.
. . . you have bantha horns on the front of your landspeeder.
. . . a peaceful meditation session is one without gas.
. . . you can levitate yourself using a force from within, but not THE FORCE.
. . . your master ever said “My finger you will pull..hmmm?”
. . . you have ever had an X-wing up on blocks in your yard.
. . . the worst part of spending time on Dagoba is the dadgum skeeters.
. . . wookies are offended by your B.O.
. . . you have ever used the force to get yourself another beer so you didn’t have to wait for a commercial.
. . . you have ever used the force in conjunction with bowling or a spitting contest.
. . . you have ever used a light-sabre to clean fish or open a non-twist-off bottle of beer.
. . . you have ever had your R-2 unit use its self-defense electro-shock thingie to get the bar-b-q grill to light.
. . . you wore burlap even before you started your Jedi training.
. . . your favorite meals on Dagoba incorporate native snakes.
. . . you have fuzzy dice hanging in the cockpit of your X-Wing.
. . . you’ve asked an Ewok to help you go coon hunting.
. . . you use the “O” on stop signs to sight in your new blaster.
. . . you call the Emporer “That old ugly dude in the house coat.”
. . . your favorite bar caters primarily to smugglers and bounty hunters.
. . . you’ve got a stuffed womp rat from Begger’s Canyon on your mantle.
. . . you’ve ever given someone a wedgie by using the force.
. . . you’re flying a ship that has no original parts.
. . . parts of a TIE fighter you blew up hang as a trophy in your living room.
. . . the cake at your wedding was sliced with a light saber.
. . . you own a pink flamingo with blaster holes in it.
. . . you inherited a styrofoam cooler and a tackle box with your light saber.
. . . you didn’t read the whole Jedi manual because there were no pictures.
. . . you’ve used a storm trooper helmet as a spitoon.
. . . you’ve moved from planet to planet to avoid Imperial storm troopers.
. . . your beer belly puts Jabba the Hutt to shame.
. . . the smell of ham or bacon reminds you of Jabba’s Gamorean guards.
. . . you have ever used baling wire and/or duct tape to make repairs on your landspeeder.
. . . you feel that duct tape is like the force: it has a light side and a dark side and it holds the universe together.
. . . you ever heard the phrase, “May the force be with y’all.”
. . . you have ever used your light saber to open a bottle of Bud Light.
. . . you have ever had a land-speeder up on blocks in your yard.
. . . you have a confederate flag painted on the hood of your land-speeder.
. . . you ever fantasized about Princess Leah wearing Daisy Duke shorts.
. . . you have the doors of your X-wing welded shut and you have to get in through the window.
. . . although you had to kill him, you kinda thought that Jabba the Hutt had a pretty good handle on how to treat his women.
. . . you have a cousin who bears a strong resemblance to Chewbacca.
. . . you suggested that they outfit the Millennium Falcon with a redwood deck.
. . . you were the only person drinking Jack Daniels during the cantina scene.
. . . you hear . . . “Luke, I am your father . . . and your uncle!”
She’s my cousin...I can’t date her.
2i. Here’s my college diploma.
1i. Here’s my high school diploma.
0. I feel ridiculous in this wife beater shirt.
Neil Young is my favorite country singer.
Good one
Down here thats called a bitch bisquit.
LOL
No thanks I don’t want a beer.
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