IF BILL GATES BUILT A CAR

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[woofie]

At a recent computer expo, COMDEX, Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon.

In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating:If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull over to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive but would run on only five percent of the roads.

6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "General Protection Fault" warning light.

7. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying.

8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

9. Every time GM introduced a new car, car buyers would have to learn to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

10. You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.

[Revolting cat!]

(11) The index in the user's manual would have no entries for commonly used proper names and no entries for the terms used within the user's manual itself.

[Revolting cat!]

(12) The company would send out its employees to troll the Internet forums and argue with insults and invective that there should be only one car company in the world, theirs.

[woofie]

Old people could not figure out how to drive...

[Revolting cat!]

(13) The radio would have a secret channel which would do nothing but blabber out loud an endless list of the names of all corporate flunkies who were ever involved in the production of the vehicle. This feature would be considered within the company as a major technological achievement.

[RangeRatt]

your new car would have a built-in navigation system using resources fron Microsoft Encarta, and any attempt to remove this software would cause the rest of the programming to suffer fatal errors.

[Revolting cat!]

(14) The seats would be called 'desktop' and the dashboard 'toolbar'.

[spoiler2]

Sometimes, after turning the ignition key off, the only way to get it to stop running, would be to disconnect the fuel line completely.

At least once a week, after an evening of freeping, I have to pull the plug out of the wall, to get this ol' Microsoft diesel to stop for the night!

[altair]

(15)Most green lights would allow passage only to GM cars.

[RIGHT IN SEATTLE]

(16)If you bought you windows from an un-authorized distributor, you have no support.

(16-a)YOU SHOULD ALWAYS BUY YOUR CAR FROM AN OLD LADY IN HER CHURCH PARKING LOT!

If you don't you will have to hire an attorney to sue the second lowest on the food chain---any type of car dealer!

The lowest bottom feeder--------- is the attorney!

RIS

[reegs]

Once in a while, while you're driving, your car would pull into the dealership by itself for "upgrades" that systematically hinder the performance of your car, and there's not a damn thing you can do about it.

[Texaggie79]

If Linux built a car it would be a Pugeuot (sp?)

[BluesDuke]

And I don't even want to think about what would happen if a Gatesmobile dashboard flashed the all-time dreaded warning:

This program has performed an illegal function and will shut down.

[WFTR]

17. Whenever you parked the car, you'd have to leave the engine running to spin the wheels in place or they would develop flat spots where they touched the ground. The mechanism for spinning the wheels wouldn't always work and wouldn't always allow you to put the car back in regular driving mode.