A good friend of mine turned his life around after many decades of heavy drinking, smoking, and some drug use. He stays on the straight and narrow, but makes sure I know how he’s doing.
The guy came to Christ, in part, from my witness. He went on to be a guest speaker at churches, and occasionally tells them how bad he got, and of my influence in his life.
I can’t stress it enough that you need a fully lean on Christ to help you with your burdens. Your life can turn around, drastically so, from where it is, now.
Let that happen.
It wasn’t until I became a Christian at age 20 that I could forgive my alcoholic father. After all he put us through, I have little sympathy for those (like my mom) who enable them. All the “turning their life around” later on doesn’t undo the harm they caused.