Posted on 12/06/2008 9:45:02 PM PST by Daffynition
Stop us if you’ve heard this one before ...
A Kenosha guy calls the Reader’s Digest hotline and tells a corny joke that, at best, his family said was dumb.
But he’s the one laughing with the $3,000 grand prize, and that’s no joke.
Ron Mlodzik, 71, a retired Bradford High School teacher, is still laughing as he retells the joke and still can’t believe his good fortune.
“I use laughter to lighten up the atmosphere,” he said with a chuckle that turns into a loud laugh. “You know, it’s such a silly joke. I had to talk into a recorder at Reader’s Digest headquarters for their, ‘Tell Us A Joke’ contest. By God, I was one of the five finalists, so I got $2,500. And then I got a phone call and was told I was the grand prize winner, and they were sending me another $500.”
The joke, as told by Mlodzik, goes something like this, though it probably loses something in translation:
“A guy is walking down a dark street, when he hears something behind him. He looks behind him and sees a casket, and it’s going, ‘dum ... dum ... dum ... dum ... ’ and it’s followin’ him. So he gets frightened and goes faster, and the casket goes faster — ‘dum, dum, dum, dum, dum ... ’ So he starts to trot and runs into his apartment building and the casket crashes through the door and comes at him faster, up the stairs — ‘dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum!’ He slams the door, and it crashes through his apartment door, so he runs into his bathroom and he slams the door and he hears, ‘dum ... dum ... dum ... dum ... ’ and he knows it’s going to crash through the door ... then it crashes through the door, and he grabs the only thing he can. He grabs a bottle of cough syrup and he throws it at the casket ... and it stops the coffin!”
Yep. That’s the joke.
Mlodzik can’t stop laughing as he thinks about it.
“I told my kids the joke, they all thought it was the dumbest joke around,” he said, still laughing. “But I did it with a lot of sound effects.”
Andy Simmons, humor editor for Reader’s Digest, is a guy who has seen it and heard it all when it comes to jokes, and said Mlodzik’s was simply the best out of hundreds of entries.
“You know, he’s got a great delivery,” Simmons said. “Being in the humor department, we hear these jokes all the time, I’ve heard them all a thousand times. I even heard his joke before, but it’s the way he delivered it. Most people have that fast patter: ‘A guy walks into a bar ... ’ but he had this nice, slow delivery.”
Simmons said Reader’s Digest should have Mlodzik’s joke — as he recorded it — along with the other finalists, on the Web site very soon.
If there are any other stand-up-comedians-in-training, Reader’s Digest is next planning, “The Funniest Joke in the World” contest, that will be open to readers in the 50 different countries where the magazine is published.
Simmons said there will be another cash award, and those who think they have the biggest laugh-getter of all can find more information at www.readersdigest.com in a week or so.
In the meantime, Mlodzik’s got plans for his windfall.
“I suppose I’ll spend it on taxes and give it to charity,” he said. “God played a role in this. I’ll give it back to God.”
I thought the punchline was, “he stepped on the scale and got a weigh.”
“The last time I heard that joke I almost fell off my dinosaur “
I first heard that one between SBD’s at boy scount camp—more year ago than I care to recall. It used cough drops and the punchline was “That’ll stop that bloody coughin’ . . .”
There was blood somewhere in the joke.
"It was the first day of a school in USA and a new Indian student named Chandrasekhar Subramanian entered the fourth grade. The teacher said, “Let’s begin by reviewing some American History. Who said ‘Give me Liberty, or give me Death’?” She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Chandrasekhar, who had his hand up: “Patrick Henry, 1775?, he said. “Very good!” Who said “Government of the People, by the People, for the People, shall not perish from the Earth?” Again, no response except from Chandrasekhar. “Abraham Lincoln, 1863?, said Chandrasekhar. The teacher snapped at the class, “Class, you should be ashamed. Chandrasekhar, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do.” She heard a loud whisper: “F**k the Indians.” “Who said that?”, she demanded. Chandrasekhar put his hand up. “General Custer, 1862.” At that point, a student in the back said, “I’m gonna puke.” The teacher glares around and asks, “All right! Now, who said that?” Again, Chandrasekhar says, “George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991.” Now furious, another student yells, “Oh yeah? Suck this!” Chandrasekhar jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher, “Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!” Now with almost mob hysteria someone said, “You little sh*t! If you say anything else, I’ll kill you.” Chandrasekhar frantically yells at the top of his voice, “Michael Jackson to the child witnesses testifying against him, 2004.” The teacher fainted. And as the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, “Oh sh*t, we’re screwed!” And Chandrasekhar said quietly, “I think it was the American people, November 4th, 2008.”"
“Running Buffalo, Falling Rocks, you go and seek buffalo skins. Whichever of you returns with the most skins will become my right hand man and will be the next chief.”
A month later, Running Buffalo came back with nearly a hundred pelts.
Sadly, Falling Rocks never returned.
The tribe organized a search and looked everywhere, but they couldn’t find the missing brave anywhere.
Today, as you drive through the West, you can see the evidence of love and devotion the tribe had for this lost warrior. Throughout the highways, on interstates and side roads, you can still see their signs that say, ‘Watch for Falling Rocks.’”
THAT was hilarious!!!
I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
That joke is as old as my Grandmother’s toes and twice as corny.
I like that update!
In democracy it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism it’s your count that votes.
I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
-Emo Philips
Oi vey. Worst joke ever.
Even worse than Jefferson trying to explain why $90,000 was in his fridge.
And so it goes............
My mother kept insisting I was an idiot. So the doctor x-rayed my brain, but he didn’t find anything.
Once in a land far, far away there lived a group of people called Trids. The Trids were happy except for the huge ogre that lived on the mountain. The ogre would periodically terrorize the Trids.
The Trids tired of the ogre and sought to reason with him. They thought one of their religious leaders would be a good intermediary. So a group of Trids and their minister went up the mountain and before they could even say one word the ogre kicked them down the mountain. Not being dismayed the Trids thought that maybe the ogre was Catholic, so they sent another delegation, this time led by the local priest. But alas, as they approached the ogre he once again kicked them all down the mountain.
The Trids were upset until they thought that perhaps the ogre was Jewish. Unfortunately, no Trids were Jewish, so they wrote to the people of another land and asked them to send a Rabbi to help them with the ogre. The Rabbi arrived and led a delegation of Trids up the mountain. The ogre saw them coming and kicked all of them, except for the Rabbi, down the mountain. The Rabbi, having been told of the previous expeditions, wondered why he alone had not been kicked down the mountain, so he asked the ogre. The ogre laughed and replied:
“Silly Rabbi, kicks are for Trids!”
"No thanks," the blind man replies. "I'm just looking around."
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