Posted on 07/13/2004 7:32:30 AM PDT by Vermonter
Edited on 07/13/2004 7:35:06 AM PDT by Admin Moderator. [history]
Humans have been breathing air the same way for over 100,000 years. Apple is changing all that with iAir - the most revolutionary product in the history of mankind. Never before have people had access to this quality of air at a fraction of the cost of other company's air solutions. iAir's compression technology and quality control system paves the way for levels of air consumption the likes of which have never before been inhaled.
The old way of breathing is just that - old. But iAir is changing all that. No more inhaling filthy particles from your home or office airspace, with iAir your quality of air is assured.
iAir is available in three models: Good, with 40 cubic feet of compressed O2; Better, with 60 cu.ft.of compressed O2, and Best which holds up to 80 cu.ft. of compressed O2 and comes with a built-in smell injector.
Inside story
"Regular" air is full of molecules that the human body just doesn't need. iAir saves your lungs most of the work by pumping oxygen directly where it's needed. This leads to more oxygen in the bloodflow, increased energy, and brain stumulation.
iAir's carbon dioxide filtration and conversion system also helps recycle the air you exhale. It also does some stuff with your alveoli and air passing by your trachea, into your bronchioles and whatnot.
Also, by using TUBA technology, or Totally Unbelievable Breathing Apparatus, iAir is able to squeeze more air into less space. The revolutionary Compaction Filter takes the molecules and crams them together really tightly, not unlike people in a subway at rush hour. TUBA then runs some sort of equation or something and packs even more air into the contraption.
iLife. Suddenly, it all connects. iAir comes bundled with the iLife suite of applications, including iTunes, iPhoto, iMovie and iDVD. And with iAir the thrill of creating your own stuff is exponentially better! As well, iAir increases the efficiency of bloodflow throughout the body, giving you intense, crack-addict-like energy for those long red-eyed nights of working on projects.
The legendary SuperDrive The iAir with SuperDrive (DVD-R/CD-RW) lets you burn your own movies and photos on a DVD disc that plays in almost any standard DVD player. Even better, the SuperDrive allow for more molecules at a higher bit-rate. Oxygen is needed for fire and thus, better oxygen content equals faster SuperDrive burning of DVD's. Plus, with iAir you also feel so good about yourself that the guilt from burning illegal movies off of rented DVD's just slides away.
Accessory Package Say goodbye to hunting down arcane adapters for your old air tank unit. Purchase the iAir Accessory Package, and have all the tools you need at your disposal. Comes complete with valves, tubes, hoses, clamps, Q-Tip brand cotton swabs, and even European oxygen converters.
Sync with Bluetooth All iAir models can be custom-configured with an internal Bluetooth module to connect your digital devices wirelessly. Operating within a 30-foot radius, it enables wireless data transfers between a rapidly growing list of Bluetooth-enabled products, including the Apple Wireless Keyboard and Apple Wireless Mouse. Using iSync, you can use Bluetooth to synchronize your personal information between your iAir, your mobile phone and your Palm OS-based handheld.
If you’re interested in getting Bluetooth capability for your iAir, the easiest way is to have the Bluetooth module built in at the time you order your system — you can order a Wireless Keyboard and Wireless Mouse at the same time, too. If you decide after purchasing your system that you want Bluetooth capability, you can easily plug in an external D-Link USB Bluetooth Adapter.
More marketing spiel Powered by a G5 processor and using the same powerful and whisper-quiet fan system used in todays PowerMac, the iAir is able to deliver steady rates of air over prolonged time periods. Neutral bouyancy should please any SCUBA divers. iAir is the lightest tank on the market at 32 pounds, and the stylish arm straps allow for effortless application and removal.
The 'Best' model is equipped with a scent injector, for which the following scents are available: Mountain Air, Dairy Pasture, Scottish Moor, Eau De Schiller, Cranapple-Bananaberry-Melonade, and Cupertino Bathroom.
You won't believe dis sh**, yo Inside of each iAir resides a tiny gnome named Jefe. How can thousands of gnomes be named Jefe? Well, why is water wet? Or why is the sky full of happy dragons eating pixie sticks and singing the theme to The Great Space Coaster? Such questions are best left unanswered. But anyway, as I was saying, iAir is totally the shiznit, fo' real tho. I mean, Apple makes me write this stuff, but I'd be saying it anyway because it's just that cool. I mean you won't believe the difference between it and normal air. It's like a PC user that never used a Mac, they just can't believe the experience is that much better, because how could they imagine that that sort of coolness would exist? Oh, and you have to feed Jefe a diet of crushed carrots and caviar otherwise he gets grumpy and won't operate the hand-crank inside the iAir. And you can't make him do it, he's really admant - I mean when he sets his mind to being pissy he really follows through on it. Gotta admire that. Freakin' Jefe, man.
Maybe Apple can patent the process for making O2.
That is funny!
I prefer nitrous oxide over oxygen.
A colorless, sweet-tasting gas, N2O, used as a mild anesthetic in dentistry and surgery.
ping
I went to the site, FUNNY stuff!
I'm still waiting on Microsoft's DirectNoggin. Here I am still typing away on this keyboard like a sucker.
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