35 Things Not to Say to a Cop!

StrangeCosmos.com ^ | 8-25-02 | Strange Cosmos

[KLT]

1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.

2. Sorry officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.

3. Aren't you the guy from the Village People band?

4. Hey, you must have been doing 125 to keep up with me. Good job.

5. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical shape to be a

police officer.

6. I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.

7. Bad cop, no donut.

8. You're not going to check the trunk are you?

9. Gee, that gut sure doesn't inspire confidence.

10. Didn't I see you get your butt kicked on COPS?

11. Wow, you look just like the guy in the picture on my girlfriend's

night stand.

12. Is it true that people become cops because they're too dumb to work at

McDonalds?

13. I pay your salary.

14. So uh, you on the take or what?

15. Gee officer, that's terrific. The last officer only gave me a

warning.

16. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us knows.

17. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other

cars around, that's how far ahead they are.

18. What do you mean, "Have I been drinking?" YOU'RE the trained

specialist.

19. Well officer, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun

fell off of my lap and got lodged between the brake and the gas pedal,

forcing me to speed out of control.

20. Hey, is that a 9 mm? That's nothing compared to this 44 magnum.

21. Hey, can you give me another one of those full cavity searches?

22. No, YOU assume the position.

23. I'm surprised you stopped me, Dunkin Donuts is having a 3 for 1

special!

24. If I bend over, will I still get a ticket?

25. No, offi, offic,lucifer...I'm not as think you are drunk I am. I swear

to dog.

26. No, I don't know how fast I was going. The little needle stops at 110

mph.

27. Back off Barney, I've got a piece.

28. But officer, I've got 2 different drivers licenses from 2 different

states! Pick ONE!

29. I know I was weaving, but I was trying to hit all the little green

men!

30. On the way to the station, let's get a six pack, oh and don't forget

the cig's.

31. Come on, write the stupid ticket, the bars close in 20 minutes!

32. Hey, wasn't your daughter a porn queen?

33. How long is this going to take? Your wife is expecting me.

34. So that's what those yellow flashing lights in the school zone mean.

35. What do you use those rubber gloves for anyway?

[KLT]

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Some people have such sick minds!

[gorush]

36. Make it snappy, Fatso, I'm in a hurry!

[KLT]

Ping Y'all

[mewzilla]

I saw #7 on a bumper sticker once. Hope that guy never gets caught speeding :)

[Bogey78O]

I got ticketed for careless operation after my car fishtailed during heavy rain and hit a guard rail. No other cars were involved in the accident luckily.

After the fact about 30 minutes later a STate Trooper shows up and surveys the scene. He then writes up a ticket for me and as he hands it to me then asks the important question...."what happened?"

Prick.

[TheLurkerX]

Hahahahaha!

[PatrioticAmerican]

37. THAT's what these things cost?? Man, I'm glad I don't make YOUR salary!

[PatrioticAmerican]

38. That a Glock?? Couldn't learn to shoot anything more complicated, huh?

[dcwusmc]

#38 "I'm a woman with PMS and I've got a gun!"

[PatrioticAmerican]

39. I've put on a few pounds. Where did you get that vest for your beer gut?

40. I've been cruising for the best whore house in town, where's your favorite?

41. Of course I was speeding, ya had to work at catching up, didn't ya?

42. How fast was I going? Well, now, if YOU don't know, then I guess it must have been a bit under the limit. Sorry I was going so slow officer.

43. My phone number? Whoa, there, fella. We just met!

[Bogey78O]

40. You've got a gun and a badge...I've got a gun and a badge. But how many kids do you have in your trunk?

[NapaCA]

"Do I know how fast I was going? Hey, you're the state fascist with the radar gun, you tell me!"

[Dratlatl]

44. "Don't mess with me, cop; I'm nasty when I'm drunk."

[PatrioticAmerican]

hehe.

45. Would ya mind wiping your mouth, you're getting donut crumbs on my ticket?

[PatrioticAmerican]

The Freeper's favorite:

46. Hold muh beer.

[PatrioticAmerican]

Form another site...

47. Help, Help, im being repressed!!!

48. Draw! Only kiddi...

49. No searching, ok? My wife hates it when people see all these beer cans in the car

50. "Does anyone else smell baccon?"

51. See the Stop sign? I don't believe everything I read.

52. blow me

53. You guys really enforce that stupid law?

54. I'm reaching for my wallet. Don't shoot me 41 times.

55. He asks "Know why I pulled you over?" You say "Know why I ran that light?"

[PatrioticAmerican]

56. You know, I was going to be cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.

57. Hey, man, you want a hit?

58. Met your quota? Happy now?

59. Pretend you are gay and ask him out. When he says no, cry.

60. Before you sign the ticket, pick your nose. You have to sign with his pen.

61. Act like you are retarded.

[MichiganMan]

56. I'm not driving too fast, I'm just flying too low.

[Momaw Nadon]

A cop pulls you over.

Cop says: You drinkin'?

You say: You buyin'?

[Force12]

The shirtless, mullified trailer-trash when pulled over was quoted as saying "Huhhhhh?" -and- "I didn't know the speed limit was NOT 95 MPH."