Posted on 09/06/2002 5:45:08 AM PDT by KLT
BSNN.net Headline News
WASHINGTON — Based on the results of a study by the University of Cincinnati College of Medicine, which found that depressed kids run a high risk of obesity, and based on anecdotal evidence that most American kids are depressed, the FDA, AMA, and EPA have developed a program that they hope will mirror the success of the CAFE (corporate average fuel economy) regulations. The new program will use the same initials but will refer to the Children’s Ass Fat Examination.
The program will allow the FDA to set a standard for ass fat. Doctors and priests will have to supply this info to the FDA and DYFS so that the parents of kids with fat asses can be investigated for depression that may lead to the child committing a heinous crime. The system will allow taxes to be levied against parents of kids with fat asses. The tax money generated from the program will be used to offset the cost of future health and mental care for these kids and to pay damages to the survivors of anyone they might kill.
The CAFE program also has a provision that allows for a progressive tax to be assessed based on the percentage of ass fat and whether the parents drive an SUV. The EPA has determined that the presence of fat-assed kids in SUVs decreases fuel mileage and furthers our dependence on fossil fuels. It also creates excessive pollution as SUVs wait in line at fast-food drive-through windows.
In cases where the ass fat percentage is at dangerous levels, DYFS (Division of Youth and Family Services) /BCW (Bureau of Child Welfare) will step in and forcibly remove the children from the household via the “Elian Method.”
Future plans envision a warning label on kids clothing, fast-food containers and motor vehicles alerting parents to the dangers of having fat-assed kids. A new federal agency (CRAP, or Children Rescuing Ass Police) is being proposed to deal with the enforcement of these regulations should voluntary compliance prove insufficient. Every doctor’s office and Catholic church would have a CRAP officer on site to ensure compliance.
Groups such as Rainbow Push, Act Up, NOW and the NAACP oppose these regulations unless an exception is made for minorities and those kids adopted by same sex couples. They feel that years of oppression and bigotry exempts them from compliance. Congress is considering exempting themselves from these regulations as well.
© 2002 BSNN.net All Rights Reserved. Reposting to message boards or discussion forums permitted only with this message intact. Any other reposting or use is strictly prohibited.
"The Times They Are A'Changin'!!"
(To be sung to Bob Dylan's "The Times They Are A-Changin'")
Come gather round, Sheeple...in office and home...
And admit that corruption in DeeCee has grown!!
Then, demand that Slick's TREASON shall not be condoned!!
WE MUST FIGHT!! This Nation's worth savin'!!
Country, better stop sleepin' or yer souls Left will own...
Folks, the times they are a'changin'...
Come, blow-dried twit Networks who tyrannize with your "spin"...
EX-Prez'dent has spied...WE MUST RE-IMPEACH HIM!!
And indict Bill's goons...then WE'LL IMPRISON SLICK!!
Yes, Limbaugh's sellin' TRUTH 'bout Slick's TREASON!!
Left's poltroons, y'know, we'll be FReepin' the Net!!
Press, the times they are a'changin'...
Come Senators, Congressmen, please heed our call...
Please stand up fer Justice...please tear down Slick's walls!!
Folks, watch how you vote...'cuz we're watchin' y'all!!
Battle fer hearts and minds rages...
We'll soon FReep yer meetings and clatter yer halls...
Pols, the times they are a'changin'...
Come mothers and fathers throughout the Land...
Look in yer kids' eyes...they are yer Scottish Clan...
Yer sons and yer daughters...look to you, MAKE YER STAND!!!
Yer Cold War has moved to this Nation!!
Please get out and help us...AIN'T PATRIOTISM GRAND?!!
Parents, the times they are a'changin'...
(Excellent harp jammin')
The line has been drawn...foundation's been cast!!
WE'LL DETHRONE NOW...AND IMPRISON SLICK LAST!!
Welcome Prez'dent Gore...Al's "term"'ll go fast...
New World Order is rapidly fadin'!!
And the People's Power'll be returned at last...
Ohhh, the times they are a'changin'!!
Mudboy Slim and the libertarians (7/15/00)
"On the 28th day of September in the Two-Thousand and Second Year of our Lord, there was a Grand Convening of Patriots at the Mall in Washington, DC. This convention of FReedom-loving Americans from accross the Continent was unanimous in its call for JUSTICE to be exacted upon those who would commit TREASON against our great Country!! Historians will record this great day as the beginning of the end of William Jefferson Clinton's Treasonous Reign of Terror!!"
So sayeth the word of...MUD
1 Posted on 07/16/2000 20:39:03 PDT by Mudboy Slim (Justice@in't.negotiable!!)
Heh heh heh...MUD
FReegards...MUD
*Bad* KLT!! BAD!!!
Would need to liposuction *that* using a sewer vac.
...{~i guess you're *OK*; &, that's all that really matters to me, then.}
Aye hippy Im not fat Im bigged boned. This tax will make us poor like Kenny is that what you want?
Hi Savage Beast....too late, they already have big ideas...they just wanna control everything....
Funny thing is BSNN is not far off the mark....sometimes it's amazing how perceptive they are...
True. I think that's the bottom line with "Liberals", a desire to control--coupled with a tendency to be sadistic.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.
