Women gnomes spell trouble in garden

The Times of London ^ | March 02, 2002 | Allan Hall

[nickcarraway]

March 02, 2002

Women gnomes spell trouble in garden

From Allan Hall in Berlin

GNOME lovers have reacted with indignation to the news that a company in the former East Germany has breached convention and produced a female companion for the traditionally male garden dwellers.

The Congress of the International Association for the Protection of the Garden Gnome is horrified that a woman has entered the ornaments’ ranks. Its members believe that gnomes are male, should remain male and have been happy in their male solitude since they were created.

Threatening their ceramic testosterone world is a plump woman gnome with a red hat like those sported by her macho rivals in the shrubbery. Gräfin Rode — the Countess of Rode because she is manufactured in the city of Gräfenroda — is not welcome among the ranks of serious gnome collectors.

“It is unthinkable, completely unthinkable, to mix in female gnomes with the male gnomes,” said Fritz Friedmann, president of the association, which has its headquarters in Basel, Switzerland. “Isn’t it enough that the male gnomes have got along without females for more than 100 years? Why break with tradition like this?” Garden gnomes occupy a unique place in popular culture in Germany, Switzerland and, to a lesser extent, in Austria. They are a symbol of peace, happiness and order. Germans spend £20 million on them every year.

The female interloper vexed gnome enthusiasts at their annual conference this week in the German city of Chemnitz. It was decided to levy a fine of 75 (£45) on Reinhard Griebel, whose company has produced thousands of countesses. The association, of course, has no legal right to levy fines, but Herr Griebel decided to humour the conference and paid up.

Grudgingly, the association passed a motion yesterday temporarily accepting the situation, but by no means condoning it. The “honour, reputation and meaning” of what gnomes stood for was at stake.

[FITZ]

I wonder if they look like Hillary.

[abner]

Uh-oh!

[gorush]

This is how it starts, just ask Adam... :{)

[opinionator]

I knew those gnomes were gay!

[blam]

Janet Reno instantly came to mind.

[Orual]

[sarcasm]

Do female gnomes have a sense of direction?

[steve-b]

Isn’t it enough that the male gnomes have got along without females for more than 100 years?

The barrage of gay gnome jokes will commence in five... four...

[nickcarraway]

I was always against celibacy for garden gnomes.

[Paul Atreides]

Think Donna Shalala.

[Dawgsquat]

I don't see no chicks on this site.

[riley1992]

Its members believe that gnomes are male, should remain male and have been happy in their male solitude since they were created.

And we should really pay close attention to this because these are totally normal people.

[FITZ]

Almost any democrat woman would make a good gnome.

[Paul Atreides]

Except Janet. She would make a good Sasquatch.

[Nubbin]

The female gender is already heavily represented in gardens across the nation in various statuary in the form of goddesses, sprites, etc., but is that good enough for them? NOOOOOOO! They have to be gnomes.

Dang femi-gnomezis.

[gnarledmaw]

"Isn’t it enough that the male gnomes have got along without females for more than 100 years?"

Shows you how little this guy knows about gnomes. Female gnomes have always existed (where else would little gnomes come from?) but you never see one because male gnomes always kept the women at home in the kitchen where they belonged.

[Flyer]

The Congress of the International Association for the Protection of the Garden Gnome

Can we say too much free time?