Kerry follows Dukakis to Dems' loserville

Boston Herald ^ | Sunday, November 7, 2004 | By Howie Carr

[ninonitti]

And now they belong to the ages, another unforgettable comic duo in the finest tradition of American slapstick - Abbott and Costello, Laurel and Hardy, Lewis and Martin.

Dukakis and Kerry. The tag team from Taxachusetts, the can't-miss candidates who did.

They said Republicans couldn't get more than 50 percent of the vote anymore. But they didn't figure on that laugh-riot team of Dukakis and Kerry.

When the stock market crashed in 1987, they said no Democrat could lose in 1988. They didn't know Mike Dukakis very well, did they?

When Iraq blew up this year, they said there was no way President Bush [related, bio] could be re-elected. Come on down, Liveshot Kerry!

Kerry even resurrected Dukakis' aging crew of local losers. John Sasso, a front-runner's front-runner. Michael ``the Genius'' Whouley. Fawning, bowtied bumkissers from Morrissey Boulevard. All of them were older but, luckily for America, no wiser.

Dukakis and Kerry are the matching bookends of the Bush era. Electorally, the Bush years begin and end with the savage stomping of a hopelessly out-of-touch arrogant left-wing elitist from the trust-fund precincts of the People's Republic of Massachusetts.

A couple of weeks ago, Saturday Night Live re-ran some of its best political bits. One was from 1988, a parody of the Bush I-Dukakis debates, with Dana Carvey as Bush 41 and Jon Lovitz as the Duke.

``Let me just sum up,'' Carvey/Bush says. ``On track. Stay the course. A thousand points of light. Stay the course.''

Then Lovitz/Dukakis turns to the camera: ``I can't believe I'm losing to this guy.''

Now, 16 years later, in the election issue of Newsweek, we read that last April, Kerry sighed to an aide as he read how Bush 43's poll numbers kept rising.

``I can't believe I'm losing to this idiot,'' Kerry said.

There you have it, life imitating art. They say history repeats itself, first as tragedy, then as farce. In the case of Dukakis and Kerry, it was farce from the start.

When you get right down to it, they ran pretty much the same campaign on their way to political Palookaville. Dukakis in the tank in Michigan, Kerry in the Woody Allen sperm suit in Florida. Kerry takes a break and goes windsurfing.

Dukakis and Kerry both tried to run away from their own records. The Duke said the issue was competence, as opposed to runaway taxes, runaway weekend-furlough murderers and welfare for illegal aliens. Kerry said he was an altar boy, as opposed to a rabid defender of partial-birth abortion.

Garrison Keillor is still in shock, ditto E.J. Dionne, Paul Krugman and Joan Baez. As another losing Democrat once put it, the people have spoken, damn them.

Dukakis and Kerry. We shall not see their like again. Knock on wood.

[Paul12438]

having lived there for 13 years (86-99), you cannot imagine what living in MA is like. It's a time warp - and a place where they believe the rest of America hasn't caught up to their enlightened approach to governance. It's worse than inbreeding in Arkansas - there is no compromise in MA politics - the CW running through the newsrooms is that since no local legislators were thrown out in the general election so it justifies MA's stance on gay marriage. As a veteran of three congressional campaigns (Blute (R) 92-94-96) and two Senate campaigns (Weld vs Kerry and Romney vs Kennedy) I can tell you that the MA voters only vote for change if threatened financially - Voting there is a little like voting in East Germany - One party with a few choices for fringe candidates; The election of Romney as governor continues a trend where voters return the ideologues but elect fiscally responsible politicians to control the purse strings; it is the strangest kind of disconnect.

[binger]

[Dick Vomer]

How cool would it be to find out that they had a club, where they actually met and had drinks, hashed things out, sort of a high-level loser support group/social club? McGovern, Carter, Mondale, Dukakis, Gore, and Kerry...throw in their running mates to make it even ....

yeah, it's called the Democratic Convention and it's held every 4 years...har-har-har--

[binger]

[Stateline]

Kerry ends up on the trash heap of democratic socialist candidates for president...Happy Trails to You!......

[MomwithHope]

To those who are good at posting pictures - would love to see a Loserville - population 4 pic with Mondale, Dukakis, Gore and Kerry. I can see Dukakis in his tank, Kerry in the condom suit, Gore dressed up for Halloween.....

[kittymyrib]

For you enlightened voters trapped in blue cesspools (the blue cities from Austin to Boston), it is your calling to make things as uncomfortable as possible for the libs around you. Speak up for the President and defend your conservative views. When they castigate you, hit them with "well, I would think that you, of all people, would welcome diversity of opinion...or are you a hypocrit?" They need to have their noses rubbed in the fact that they tolerate every viewpoint except conservatism and every lifestyle except Biblical Christianity. Make them squirm!!! You can gain alot of self-respect that way...and who knows, you may embolden someone else who agrees with you to speak up too.

[uncbob]

Please Please

I just wish all these retrospect articles on the election was just recognize the fact

That the SWIFITIES completely torpedoed Kerry's attempt at the convention to use the REPORTING FOR DUTY bogus ploy

He Got NO BUMP from the convention and had to run and hide from the Swifities from then on in to the end

His campaign was in freefall and his backers demoralized until Biush's performance after the first debate re-energized them

These guys put it on the line
GIVE THEM THE CREDIT THEY SO RICHLY DESERVE

[uncbob]

Another's defeat I really enjoyed: Speaker Tom Foley.

Yep the GOP bagged themselves a Speaker Of The House and a Senate Majority ( for two years)/Minority leader since Clinton took over

[uncbob]

For you enlightened voters trapped in blue cesspools (the blue cities from Austin to Boston),

It is the huge black vote for the dems that helps makes this possible
At this point I don't think they can be reached
They are condenscended to every election as the dems run to the black churches and they still don't mind it

[NonValueAdded]

UB, what you say about our beloved Swifties is true but don't forget our own TankerKC and Buckhead who were watching the Swiftie's six and shot down the forgeries intended to offset the impact of the SBVfT.

[dennisw]

Wicked good!

[CatQuilt]

How depressingly true!

[jackbill]

I lived there from 1991 til 1997 and your synopsis is spot on.

One thing that always amazed me is that they continue to elect overwhelming numbers of RAT pols to the General Court and then they go out and pass one ballot iniative after another to either override what their legislators have done to them or do something that their legislators refuse to do.

Wouldn't it be a hell of a lot simpler to just vote the idiots out? Go figure.

[Fiddlstix]

.......As another losing Democrat once put it, the people have spoken, damn them.

ROFLMAO!

[uncbob]

UB, what you say about our beloved Swifties is true but don't forget our own TankerKC and Buckhead who were watching the Swiftie's six and shot down the forgeries intended to offset the impact of the SBVfT.

Excellent point
Hats off to them also

[GaltMeister]

Dukakis and Kerry are the matching bookends of the Bush era.

Very well put, I love it!

[Luddite Patent Counsel]

I'm thinking of something like the "Five Time Club" in that old SNL skit, where Elliot Gould, Buck Henry, Tom Hanks, and the few others who'd hosted the show five times had a private "gentlemen's club", where they all hung out in smoking jackets. Mcuh more fun than the Dem Con.

[raccoonradio]

That was a spoof of the old Playboy After Dark show called "Dukakis After Dark".

Michael Dukakis: Good evening. I'm Michael Dukakis. The Democratic candidate for President of the United States. Now, several months ago when we purchased this half-hour of television time, we planned to use it as a last-minute appeal to undecided voters. But.. quite frankly.. after meeting with my advisors, and seeing the latest polls, it's clear to me - and it would be clear to anyone - that I don't have a chinaman's chance of winning this election. I'm gonna be beaten. Badly beaten. And I see no reason to sit here tonight and pretend otherwise. However, I've got thirty minutes of prepaid, non-refundable network time. Now, I could sit here, give you thesame old song-and-dance about "good jobs with good wages", and "the best Ameroca is yet to come".. blah, blah, blah, blah!

"But if you haven't bought it by now, why bother? So, instead of speeches, I've decided to throw a party, for everyone involved with the campaign. It's a good party. A fun party. And you're invited. After all, the federal matching funds - you paid for half of it! So come on in.

[ Dukakis gets up, as the lights rise and a woman removes his business suit and replaces it with a Hugh Hefnerish smoking jacket, then he joins the party ]

[ SUPER: Dukakis After Dark ]

Michael Dukakis: [ is handed a drink by a bunny ] Ah! Everybody's here. Come on, don't be shy. Well, here's my running-mate, Lloyd Bentsen.

[ pan to Lloyd Bentsen, who's chatting with two attractive girls ]

Lloyd Bentsen: ..Then I looked him straight in the eye, and said, "Senator, you're no Jack Kennedy!" Ha ha!

Michael Dukakis: [ ambles over ] Lloyd. How's that martini treating you?

Lloyd Bentsen: Not too badly, Mike. I wish the polls were treating us a little better.

Michael Dukakis: Well, Lloyd, we represent unpopular and discredited views.

Lloyd Bentsen: Mike! Now that it's all over, you can tell me. You were gonna raise taxes, weren't you?

Michael Dukakis: Well, you bet I was! Through the roof! But now.. I won't get the chance.

[raccoonradio]

[ cut to Kitty and Ted Kennedy in the corner ]

Ted Kennedy: [ touching Kitty's dress ] This is very nice.. what's it made of..?

Kitty Dukakis: Senator Kennedy, please..

Ted Kennedy: You know, Kitty.. after a defeat like this, Mike's gonna need some time alone.. If you like, you're welcome to come down to Hiannas Port for a few days. Of course, you can have your own room..

Kitty Dukakis: No, I don't think that would be a good idea, do you, Senator?

Ted Kennedy: Here. Watch this. [ swigs his beer, letting it drip down his shirt ]