FReeper Canteen~Humor Break~05Oct.06

Humor Break

ID Check

A few years back one of the new Marines at the Barracks at Yorktown, VA was standing post at the main gate of the Naval Weapons Station. The policy was to check 100% of ID cards including military in uniform. A Navy sedan drove up to the gate with a young seaman at the wheel and a rear admiral sitting in the back. The young PFC signaled for the car to stop, approached the driver, and asked to see both ID cards. The admiral told the Marine that he was on his way to meet with the station CO and didn't have time for such nonsense....

Admiral to driver: "Go ahead."

...PFC to driver: "Don't do that."

...Admiral to driver: "You heard me, Drive on."

...PFC to Admiral as he draws his .45:

"Sir, this is my first time on post. Do I shoot you or your driver?"

The admiral showed his ID.

~~Superman Returns Game~~

~~Drunk Stop~~

Air Force

Recently I was given a list of actual responses made to squawks, the Air Force term for maintenance complaints by pilots.

Problem: "Left inside main tire almost needs replacement."
Solution: "Almost replaced left inside main tire."

Problem: "Test flight OK, except autoland very rough."
Solution: "Autoland not installed on this aircraft."

Problem: "The autopilot doesn't."
Signed off: "IT DOES NOW."

Problem: "Something loose in cockpit."
Solution: "Something tightened in cockpit."

Problem: "Evidence of hydraulic leak on right main landing gear."
Solution: "Evidence removed."

Problem: "Number three engine missing."
Solution: "Engine found on right wing after brief search."

Problem: "DME volume unbelievably loud."
Solution: "Volume set to more believable level."

Problem: "Dead bugs on windshield."
Solution: "Live bugs on order."

Problem: "Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent."
Solution: "Cannot reproduce problem on ground."

Problem: "IFF inoperative."
Solution: "IFF inoperative in OFF mode."

Problem: "Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick."
Solution: "That's what they're there for."

~~Lazy Ramadi~~

Awwww......:)

~~Ping Pong Anyone?~~

~~Don't Touch My Bone~~

A little too hooah

Your kids call the sandbox "NTC".
Your wife has mermites in the China Cabinet.
Your older kids call the youngest one "Cherry".
When your wife left you, you had a Change of Command.
Your wife carries a buttpack instead of a Gucci purse.
Your kids would rather get SIMNET than Nintendo 64.
When your family gets together, you call them "Slice Elements".
You butter your toast with a bayonet.
If your kids get a wrong answer in school they immediately drop and knock out 20.
Your personal license plate says "At Ease".
All of your kids' names begin with "AR".
Your grandmother won the Week of the Eagles.
Your POV has your name stenciled on the windshield.
Anyone using the TV remote control must dispatch it first.
Your kids are hand receipt holders.
Your kids practice Drill and Ceremony at recess.
Your dog's name is "Ranger".
Your kids pull night guard shifts by the mailbox.
Your wife has a better high and tight than your commander.
Your kids sound off with "Airborne" or "Air Assault" every time their left foot hits the ground.
Your wife won't buy anything unless it has a National Stock Number.
Your kids have to wax and buff the floor before going to school.
When your dog died, he got a 21-gun salute at Arlington.
Your kids call their teachers "REMFs" and the other kids at school "legs."
Your daughter's dolls wear starched uniforms.
Your daughter complained that her new Barbie's hair wasn't within regulation and then cut it.
If your kids fail a test, they get a Letter of Reprimand and an Article 15.
Your kids salute their grandparents.
Your kids get an LES with their allowance.
All your meals at home are MREs.
Your kids painted their Big Wheels camouflage and stuck bumper numbers on them.
All your household possessions were issued by CIF.
Your kids get sent to the "big house" at Leavenworth if they're disrespectful.
Your kids complain if they can't have gym class five days a week.
Everyone does six pullups before sitting down at the dinner table.

~~A Perfect Car For Women~~

**This Link Rated PG**

Just a little levity for our Troops & their families. Have at it folks!

Good evening dangerous one! Hope you had a good day!

41 posted on 10/04/2006 6:10:09 PM PDT by AZamericonnie ("Patriotism, I now believe, isn't some sentimental, old conceit. It's self-preservation.")

To: AZamericonnie

You're welcome Connie.

42 posted on 10/04/2006 6:10:15 PM PDT by Soaring Feather

To: AZamericonnie; tomkow6

3rd is great, As long as I get a ribbon!

I got a ribbon!!!!

43 posted on 10/04/2006 6:11:00 PM PDT by Jet Jaguar ("Being nice will get us killed")

To: AZamericonnie

Hey, Connie......
Wanna buy a BURKA????

44 posted on 10/04/2006 6:11:00 PM PDT by tomkow6 (........Support the artists appearing in the Canteen (buy a BURKA)!)

Tomkow6, how are you??

45 posted on 10/04/2006 6:11:07 PM PDT by Soaring Feather

To: TASMANIANRED

Good evening Taz! Hope you can find a chuckle in there. How's the hospitals this evening? All fairly calm? *Hugs*

46 posted on 10/04/2006 6:11:40 PM PDT by AZamericonnie ("Patriotism, I now believe, isn't some sentimental, old conceit. It's self-preservation.")

47 posted on 10/04/2006 6:11:53 PM PDT by tomkow6 (........Support the artists appearing in the Canteen (buy a BURKA)!)

48 posted on 10/04/2006 6:11:54 PM PDT by tomkow6 (........Support the artists appearing in the Canteen (buy a BURKA)!)

49 posted on 10/04/2006 6:11:55 PM PDT by tomkow6 (........Support the artists appearing in the Canteen (buy a BURKA)!)

50 posted on 10/04/2006 6:11:55 PM PDT by tomkow6 (........Support the artists appearing in the Canteen (buy a BURKA)!)

51 posted on 10/04/2006 6:11:56 PM PDT by tomkow6 (........Support the artists appearing in the Canteen (buy a BURKA)!)

52 posted on 10/04/2006 6:11:56 PM PDT by tomkow6 (........Support the artists appearing in the Canteen (buy a BURKA)!)

53 posted on 10/04/2006 6:11:57 PM PDT by tomkow6 (........Support the artists appearing in the Canteen (buy a BURKA)!)

54 posted on 10/04/2006 6:12:22 PM PDT by Soaring Feather

To: Tennessee_Bob

Good evening Bob! Is tomorrow your birthday? You can tell....it'll be our little secret!:)

55 posted on 10/04/2006 6:12:43 PM PDT by AZamericonnie ("Patriotism, I now believe, isn't some sentimental, old conceit. It's self-preservation.")

56 posted on 10/04/2006 6:12:55 PM PDT by Soaring Feather

Protective?

Well, I am glad you are okay and the burka is still better than 100 miles away from me.

:0)

57 posted on 10/04/2006 6:13:22 PM PDT by Jet Jaguar ("Being nice will get us killed")

To: AZamericonnie

58 posted on 10/04/2006 6:13:58 PM PDT by 68-69TonkinGulfYachtClub (Have you said Thank You to a service man or woman today?)

{{{{{CMS}}}}}} Evening Soldier! So good to see you!

59 posted on 10/04/2006 6:14:09 PM PDT by AZamericonnie ("Patriotism, I now believe, isn't some sentimental, old conceit. It's self-preservation.")

Wanna buy a BURKA?.....
It'll protect you when ya fall off yer perch....

60 posted on 10/04/2006 6:14:20 PM PDT by tomkow6 (........Support the artists appearing in the Canteen (buy a BURKA)!)

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