"I was 19, a sophomore at a Midwest university, and rather naive. I
was not sexually active or a frequent party goer. One evening, I went
to a college party with a boy I was dating; his name was Tim. I drank
some punch that tasted like cherry pop. I remember going upstairs
and passing out in a bedroom. When I woke up, Tim was on top of
me. I got up, went to the bathroom, and saw that I was bleeding. I
knew I was no longer a virgin. I felt embarrassed and ashamed.
It took me a long time before I could admit to myself that I had been
raped. Initially, I felt that I was responsible for what happened
because I had gotten drunk. It would take me years of working
through my guilt, shame, and anger to be able to say, 'It was not my
fault. I was raped.'
I continued to see Tim and have intercourse with him on a regular
basis. I didn't have the self-esteem and support to stand up and say
'no' to an unhealthy, abusive relationship.
I ended up getting pregnant. I didn't consider having the baby
because of the shame it would have brought to my family and to me.
I was born and raised Catholic and had attended an all girls' Catholic
high school. I felt that there was no way that I could be a single mom
in our community. I was distraught, scared, and feeling guilty. I knew
that abortion was illegal, but I was determined to have one.
Tim encouraged me to have the abortion. He was dating other women
and did not want me to bear his child. The experiences that I went
through attempting and finally getting an abortion are something you
read about, something that happens to other women. Well, it
happened to me, and this is my story.
I got pregnant in early summer. I had a job working at the University
Extension Center, and I told one of my co-workers that I was
pregnant and wanted an abortion. She said that she had a friend who
could help. I called in sick one day and drove three hours to see her
friend. I went alone — and I was scared.
The woman lived on a street of tidy bungalows. Her house was neat
and orderly, and the woman, who was a little older than me, looked
respectable and clean. She was also kind, and realized that I was
frightened. She offered me liquor to calm my nerves. I refused, and
she proceeded. I got up on her kitchen table, and she inserted a coat
hanger in me.
At that moment, I became numb — numb to any physical, emotional,
mental or spiritual pain. Had I allowed myself to feel anything, I might
have gone over the edge. I deadened the pain by shutting down.
When she removed the coat hanger, I got dressed and drove home.
I kept waiting for something to happen — to bleed, to have cramps.
But nothing happened.
Tim got the name of a man in town who could help. I went on my
lunch hour to a seedy motel, the kind you can rent by the hour; today
it is boarded up and deserted. I found the room number that he had
given me. The man was overweight and unkempt, and he smelled of
cigarettes. He repulsed me.
He had a hose, similar to the kind people used for enemas, which he
used on me. I paid him, left, and went back to work. Again, I was
numb to pain. And again, there were no results.
My co-worker's friend came to town. We arranged another meeting.
She made a second attempt with the coat hanger. Once again,
nothing happened. I was getting more and more desperate.
I contacted the man from the seedy motel. He agreed to make a
second attempt with the hose. I brought Tim with me, and he waited
in another room. I started to get ready for the procedure, but I sensed
that something was different this time. I still remember the smell of
his breath and the look on his face as he started to unzip his pants. I
was so overcome with fear; I thought I was going to throw up. I
managed to scream, and Tim came in the room. The man zipped
himself up, grabbed his bag and left.
As I was living this nightmare, Tim was telling friends in town that I
was pregnant and seeking an abortion. One day, two police officers
came to see me. They said they heard that I was pregnant and
looking for an abortion. I lied and said it wasn't true. They asked me
to call them if someone offering an abortion tried to contact me, and
they left. I became scared and depressed.
Tim heard about a dentist in a nearby city who performed abortions.
We went to see him. He said I was too far along, and refused to help
me. At this time I was about four weeks pregnant.
Tim then found someone in Chicago. We drove three hours and went
to an agreed-upon meeting place at a Burger King. A car was waiting
for us. We were blindfolded, put in the backseat, and driven
somewhere. When they took our blindfolds off, we appeared to be in
a doctor's officethere were medical school diplomas on the walls and
surgical equipment in the room. I felt I was finally going to get help.
The doctor and nurse were compassionate, gentle and
understanding. The doctor numbed my vaginal area and performed a
suction type of abortion. He gave me medication to lessen the
possibility of hemorrhaging and told me to take it easy. We paid him,
were blindfolded again, and taken to our car. We drove home.
The next morning, I didn't feel any pain or cramping. I was tired and
scared, but also relieved. Maybe it was finally over.
A few weeks later, I was getting ready to return to college. As I was
leaving, my parents said they heard I was pregnant. Was it true? I
could honestly say, 'No, I am not pregnant.' I remember their reliefand
my own.
A couple of months after the abortion, as I was working on a term
paper, I began to hemorrhage. My roommates took me to the
campus health center. An ob-gyn examined me, and said I needed
an emergency D&C. First, he needed my parents' written permission
and got in touch with them immediately. They gave their approval in a
Western Union telegram. I had the D&C.
At a follow-up visit, the doctor handed me some birth control pills and
told me to use them. He must have known what happened to me. But
he never accused me and never passed judgment. For that, I was
grateful.
Believe it or not, I kept seeing Tim. That was my low self-esteem at
work. At the same time, I felt shame and guilt, and I was fearful that
people would find out. What would they think of me? Would I be
shunned? Would they think I was immoral or evil? Would my friends
still be there for me? I became seriously depressed and suicidal.
I went to see a Catholic priest, who threw me a life ring. I needed to
hear that I was not a bad person and that I was forgiven. He was
sympathetic and said that God forgave me and I needed to forgive
myself. He also said, 'Mary, you have so much to give and so much
life in you. Stop hanging around people who are waiting to die.' The
priest gave me hope and helped me see that I was a good person.
By the time I was 23, I knew I needed therapy. I had been having
nightmares about the rape and abortions. Even today, more than 30
years later, I still have an occasional nightmare.
I made progress in my therapy and had a big breakthrough four years
ago. I was working with a spiritual counselor. We talked about the
abortion and how it still haunted me. She said, 'whatever is still there,
let's bring it into the light and pray that whatever needs to be healed
will be healed.'
At home, 20 minutes later, I had excruciating shooting pains in my
stomach. I broke out in a full-body cold sweat. I couldn't move. I lay
on the floor. I was hyperventilating, and my hands and arms were
becoming numb.
I started to breathe deeply and to pray. I prayed that the pain would
pass. I prayed for an end to the nightmare. I realized that I was
experiencing the physical pain of all the attempted abortions that I
had never allowed myself to feel. I was releasing three decades of
stored up pain. And then it passed.
When my husband came home, he wanted to take me to the
hospital. I told him that I didn't think they would find anything wrong.
Later, I had a physical exam to make sure I was in good health, and
they found nothing wrong.
It has been quite a journey, one that I hope no woman ever has to
experience again. Why tell my story after so many years? Why now?
It is my hope and prayer that the right to choose will never be taken
away. And these days it seems a possibility.
We must have the freedom to make reproductive choices and access
to counseling and support. Looking back, I can say that despite my
experiences, I was one of the lucky ones. I survived; others did not. I
tell my story for them, so that no woman will ever have to repeat my
journey. "
He's probably in a police lineup as we speak, eh?!
Coddle baby killers.
Coddle jew killers.
Coddle sodomites preying on children.
And never educate with the truth, only propaganda.
If those in hell can see America today, they are surely screaming unfair, unfair.
She went to alot of trouble to kill that baby....now she could murder it legally..aren't we civilized??
But now that I can hold my daughter, to look into her eyes, see her smile and laugh, I see it is so much more than simple murder.
It is a collossal betrayal. It is the betrayal of an innocent life unto death.
When I read of women who have had abortions, even the ones who recognize the murder, one thing comes through loud and clear: It is all about them.
They are incapable of appreciating or loving anyone but themselves. Their declarations of love and "doing the right thing" are hollow lies they tell their own conscious. You don't betray and murder someone you love.
So all the pious posturing about the inconvenience or danger or illegal abortions is utterly lost on me. It is all a lie to coverup and facilitate murder.
People who can commit abortion or approve of it are horrendous monsters. They are in the same class as suicide bombers and hijackers. They believe wanton destruction of human life will buy them peace and prosperity.
If you approve of abortion I know what you are. Don't bother with protests to the contrary; What is can not be changed by wordy wishes to the contrary. Rationalization is just the lie you tell that not even you really believe.
If anyone really wants to rescue himself from being this monster, he has to disown abortion, not defend it.