Choosing childlessness

Boston Globe ^ | April 29, 2002 | Cathy Young

[hellinahandcart]

Oh for goodness sake, read Don's profile and tell me if you think he's gay. I'm pretty sure he just forgot the sarcasm tag.

[Stone Mountain]

so many women would rather date the jerks

This is so true and I will never understand why. If there is any young woman here gracious enough to venture a theory, I'd love to hear it.

I have heard this theory proferred. Natural selection says that people have evolved their behaviors so that their genes are passed on. Someone who is an aggressive a$$hole type who cats around is much more likely to pass on their genes because they will have sex with more women and have more progeny than would a non-aggressive, introverted type. If the women want their genes to be passed on, they want their children to be aggressive types. So they will try to find those types as mates. Of course, most or all of this goes on at a subconcisous level...

[VoiceOfBruck]

Yes, I think that might have something to do with it as well. One thing we have to keep in mind, though, is that most women don't prefer jerks. It just looks that way sometimes to the single guys, since the ones who do prefer jerks tend to stay single longer.

[Don Myers]

"Don, are you gay or bisexual? This sounds like a very gay thing to say. I don't know of any heterosexuals that would say such a thing, especially a conservative one."

No, but I heard a woman say that the other day. I suspect that she is bi-sexual. She is a typical, modern, college-graduate who is living with some guy.

[Don Myers]

"No, it is called being comfortable with perversion as all bi-sexuals participate in the sexual perversion known as homosexuality."

It is being comfortable with perversion, but being comfortable with your sexuality is how they express it.

[Don Myers]

I guess that I should have put quotation marks around the phrase.

[tortoise]

I suspect that she is bi-sexual. She is a typical, modern, college-graduate who is living with some guy.

Hmmm... Sounds like my girlfriend, only I am "some guy". And she isn't living with me, I live with her in a house she owns. Of course, I have no complaints; we'd been friends for ages before we started dating so I knew exactly what I was getting in to.

[Billy_bob_bob]

"When I met my husband, an amazingly nice and devoted guy, I actually had to conciously choose to not sabotage the relationship because he was so nice."

It was the identical thing for me when I met my wife. I came from such a screwed up family, everything I knew was wrong and everything I was attracted to was pure poison to me. I had to force myself to be attracted to a nice woman, instead of being attracted to a messed-up psychotic nutcase (like my mother was). The good news is that it can be done! We just celebrated our tenth anniversary.

[fogarty]

The reason why is because your typical American woman doesn't want to date a "nice guy". The typical American woman's mind is filled with images from "Sex & the City" or "Ally McBeal" or (name any woman-centred program on TV). They don't want nice guys. They'd much rather hang out with the bad boys of questionable integrity, as long as they're lean and mean.

If you're looking to start a family and raise children, I'd recommend you look to the south. With few exceptions, every single latina I've met has had better qualities for raising a family and caring for children than any Caucasian I've ever known.

[I_Love_My_Husband]

Fogie, no, SATC is a terrible show, written by gay guys. Real women don't act that way.

Don, ok, cool, we're on the same page...just checking...

[fogarty]

Oh, I'm not saying that the show is reflective of reality. I've never even seen it myself (I don't get cable). What I'm saying is that for the most part, American woman are influenced and believe what they see in these shows. Their minds accept for a fact that "This is how it should be." And I've heard from enough "nice guys" to know the truth of the matter when it comes to American women: they don't like to date or hang around with "nice guys".

[Cincinatus' Wife]

....these whiners make me sick!

Ha! They may be looking at the wrong side of the equation.
More introspection and less sizing up, might be the ticket.

[Cincinatus' Wife]

The only real victims are the nice guys who can't get a date, because so many women would rather date the jerks.

It must be that, "I can fix him" syndrome." Stupid syndrome. It's a lot of heartache without much prospect for success. Go figure.

[Cincinatus' Wife]

Compared to it, arranged marriages would actually represent a progress.

I guess this way, it's coming into the marriage with the idea it will work if you put your mind to it.

[Cincinatus' Wife]

None of us are ever ready for marriage and children; some are just willing to work at it anyway. :)

Exactly!

[MissMillie]

More women are finding financial freedom and are therefore realizing that they don't need to "settle" for less than "wonderful" when it comes to a life partner. If this is what some think is being taught in Women's Studies, I defy those people to explain what is wrong with the concept.

[wardaddy]

I'm Cro-Mag honey....I think women should concentrate on family first. If they don't want a family then they should go out and conquer the world and get VALIDATED!!

I'm not much on womyn studies but I have a graduate degree in studying women...LOL

[SpyderTim]

"More women are finding financial freedom and are therefore realizing that they don't need to "settle" for less than "wonderful" when it comes to a life partner. If this is what some think is being taught in Women's Studies, I defy those people to explain what is wrong with the concept."

I won't say that there is anything necessarily inherently wrong with that concept, but I do think that mindset will inevitably result in a higher number of women becoming quite disappointed as they get older and realize they may have let the "wonderful" man slip away. As in, they weren't going to find anyone more "wonderful" than they already had.(Of course men face the same issue too.)

[Ms. AntiFeminazi]

Bump to read tomorrow.