Posted on 04/29/2002 3:22:45 AM PDT by Cincinatus' Wife
Edited on 04/13/2004 2:07:44 AM PDT by Jim Robinson. [history]
THE BOOK ''Creating a Life: Professional Women and the Quest for Children'' by economist Sylvia Ann Hewlett has launched America's latest round of soul-searching and hand-wringing over women's new roles.
Hewlett, whose survey found that more than half of 35-year-old professional women have no children and between a third and half are still childless at 40, warns that many successful women may miss out on having children altogether. She is concerned that women are focusing too much on their careers in their prime childbearing years and that reports of miraculous advances in fertility treatments are causing them to underestimate the risks of delayed childbearing.
(Excerpt) Read more at boston.com ...
Here is a staff editorial also running in the Boston Globe today.
Marrying for money [Full Text] IT SOUNDS easy. To fight poverty, tell welfare recipients to get married. Some members of Congress want to spend $500 million over five years figuring out how to do this.
Earlier this month, House Speaker Dennis Hastert wrote in The New York Times that the erosion of marriage is the main cause of child poverty and emotional instability. Children will benefit, he wrote, ''if we can keep families together - particularly if the welfare system encourages marriage.''
But the government should be very careful about promoting marriage. There are too many ways to fail. Efforts could end up as freight trains for political agendas such as abstinence-only campaigns that could turn social workers into bedroom police. What if government advice encouraged a spouse to stay in an abusive relationship? Who should get married? Some biological fathers would be bad husbands. And some poor women who work can end up being disparaged or sabotaged by romantic partners.
Worse still would be for states to have to compete for federal funding by increasing the number of welfare recipients who wed. Bad reality television shouldn't become public policy.
But most important, government should help parents become hardy breadwinners.
In March, research done by the Manpower Demonstration Research Corporation, a non-profit organization in New York City, found that young children of welfare recipients did better in school when family income increased through jobs. The government should try to spread this progress.
Community colleges and training centers could become the new American gold mines by helping people build careers. This would be a great place to invest $500 million.
Promoting marriage is fine for catering halls and those seeking grandchildren. The federal government should be helping parents earn family-sustaining wages. [End]
This story ran on page A14 of the Boston Globe on 4/29/2002.
Let's just say you find a guy like that. Living in a city, he might not be gay, but he's probably bisexual, a drag queen, likes to dress in women's clothes, or is kinky. *Sigh*. Moving on, let's just say you've met someone who amazingly isn't like that, and can speak an intelligible sentence. Oh. He drinks a lot or does drugs.
Moving on.
You are now 40+ and you are resigned to the fact that you're going to be single forever, the only men you know will be gay, and you will never date again because you are seen as too old, and you (the female) have probably developed a compulsive eating disorder from the (non) dating situation in your life. You'd still like to meet someone, but you have given up.
The end.
BTW, yes I speak from experience, but I'm *saved* from the nightmare. I am getting married in a few months. I met him on the internet.
Sometimes it's not your choices, but the consequences of those choices that change your world view. Currently, I am satisfied with my aloofness with life.
Just remember, the populations of every single Muslim country in the world (in which the risks in the health systems are far greater than ours), TRIPLED between 1960 and 2000. (Look in any World Almanac. For example, Algeria from 11,000,000 to 30,000,000 and Pakistan/Bangladesh from 90,000,000 to 250,000,000.) So why is it the Christian and Jewish women of American and European society who "atone" for this by not having children (even though us guys would have loved to raise a family)?
On the second point, there has been immense suppression by the media of scientific data regarding the health consequences of having an abortion, chief among which is the psychological. Nothing is ever quite right afterwards, acording to womem whom I have heard discuss their life experiences.
Best wishes for a long, loving marriage.
I don't know how I feel about the big city comment. I grew up in one and there was no limit of availability of marriagable men when I was in my 20's(I married in my 20's too and didn't let that fact pass me by), but I still know professional friends of mine(in thier 30's) who were not ready for committment to good men they knew in thier 20's(who are now married with children) and they have the same complaints you have, disregarding the fact that when they were younger they knew plenty of good men, but weren't ready to marry. I think a great book regarding this issue is "What our mothers never told us". I'm not saying your complaints aren't valid, but I'm suggesting that many single professional women have waited too long to start looking for a good mate.
ps I should mention that I met my husband through work in another city so even I had to look outside of my area. I'm just kicking around some ideas and I did want to say that looking back I am very happy I chose not to wait any longer to marry and looked honestly and with an open heart at my husband and what married life would bring and made the plunge at 26 instead of looking now in my early 30's and feeling the desperation of wanting children and not having a mate. I feel that pressure of my childbearing years being probably half over and I have 2 children already...I think the pressure would be unbearable and I had none and no hopes for a spouse.
As a side note, it's a shame that one time burned you away permanently. I'm sure if many of us had done that, we never would have married, married again, had children, etc. I know you are protecting yourself, but I hope you haven't let life pass you by behind that wall. Good luck with your future.
I guess too many women didn't think the men would do the raising! This over "population theory" is a crock. I can't believe many women think about that. You're right about abortion being used as "birth control." I don't think people need to produce as an obligation to anyone, be it a spouse (hopefully spelled out before marriage) or a country.
What ever happened to falling in love and building a family and a life together? It's all become so cold and calculating. It seems so many people are gun shy and nervous about commitment. No one and nothing is perfect, including ourselves. People need to get over this constant need to analyze the dating pool (using all the self-help books and Oprah) before making that "fateful" leap into matrimony. Sometimes I think our heads are filled with too much garbage for our own good. If we would just be ourselves, our prospects would be much clearer.
The second editorial about marriage, leaves me with the impression they want the population to grow but not necessarily in a family unit.
There's an interesting article today in the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review - Some working mothers leaving careers behind
However, there are two possibilities in the future: either American women start marrying down, or there is going to be a "birth crash" that will have to be experienced to be believed.
This is because in all but one state, women are receiving the majority of college degrees. (The exception is Utah, and women will be receiving the majority of college degrees in that state in 2003.) One study indicates that if present trends continue, the last BA will be awarded to a man in 2024 or thereabouts. Contrary to popular belief and BS'd studies, women THRIVE in today's academic environment. Education puts a ceiling on income expectations; women can therefore expect to earn more income than men do in the future. Either American women get wise to reality, or they can expect to be single.
One piece of advice to women entering college should be.... Don't wait very long to get married and have kids! Duh! Not only does the pool of eligibles drop as you hit your thirties, so does fecundity.
People like Cathy Young may rationalize it away, but most women idealize marriage and family (look at all those Bride magazines out there). She may say she's content, but I would think that's a minority position for someone in her circumstances. What a lonely way to end your life, with the only pictures on your mantle being that of your cat! Yecch.
Put it this way, I am building a relationship NOW with my kids (all toddlers), and I am writing a private book to my daughter (and sons) about "what mom should and is telling you," so that I can pass along the wisdom I've gained (often the hard way). I'm sure my kids will make mistakes, but I'd prefer that those mistakes not just be repeats of mine, rather unique ones from which they will learn and grow, and hopefully be an even better person/spouse/parent/citizen than I.
Wake up, women. Think for yourselves. I am unfortunately still in the workforce (dad's at home), but I look forward to the day I'm "barefoot and pregnant" (I've got the pregnant part going -- just need the barefoot thing). And I'd tell those misandryst feminists and NOW extremists to take their propaganda and bury it (to put it politely). They can take their communism/socialism with them, too.
My message to the women in this country is that life is terribly difficult for most women around the world, so don't squander your blessings and your freedom.
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