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You know, there's a lot of reasons for childlessness amongst women. I'll try and state the reasons. It's not that women want to be single, but living in a city, most of the single men are gay. The men that aren't gay are married. The men that aren't gay and married and are single are playboys, "playas", and don't want to commit to women, which leaves us with the 1 in 1000 guy that isn't gay, isn't married or in a committed relationship, and isn't a player. It's really rare.

Let's just say you find a guy like that. Living in a city, he might not be gay, but he's probably bisexual, a drag queen, likes to dress in women's clothes, or is kinky. *Sigh*. Moving on, let's just say you've met someone who amazingly isn't like that, and can speak an intelligible sentence. Oh. He drinks a lot or does drugs.

Moving on.

You are now 40+ and you are resigned to the fact that you're going to be single forever, the only men you know will be gay, and you will never date again because you are seen as too old, and you (the female) have probably developed a compulsive eating disorder from the (non) dating situation in your life. You'd still like to meet someone, but you have given up.

The end.

BTW, yes I speak from experience, but I'm *saved* from the nightmare. I am getting married in a few months. I met him on the internet.

My story: I was Very young and married someone I didn't love. Marriage = Horrible experience. VERY gun shy for a repeat. Had child which died (leukemia). VERY gun shy for children. Avoided second of either. Now post-childbearing and still single. Have long term male "friend".

Sometimes it's not your choices, but the consequences of those choices that change your world view. Currently, I am satisfied with my aloofness with life.

BTW, yes I speak from experience, but I'm *saved* from the nightmare. I am getting married in a few months. I met him on the internet.

Best wishes for a long, loving marriage.

First off, best wishes for a long and wonderful marriage!

I don't know how I feel about the big city comment. I grew up in one and there was no limit of availability of marriagable men when I was in my 20's(I married in my 20's too and didn't let that fact pass me by), but I still know professional friends of mine(in thier 30's) who were not ready for committment to good men they knew in thier 20's(who are now married with children) and they have the same complaints you have, disregarding the fact that when they were younger they knew plenty of good men, but weren't ready to marry. I think a great book regarding this issue is "What our mothers never told us". I'm not saying your complaints aren't valid, but I'm suggesting that many single professional women have waited too long to start looking for a good mate.

ps I should mention that I met my husband through work in another city so even I had to look outside of my area. I'm just kicking around some ideas and I did want to say that looking back I am very happy I chose not to wait any longer to marry and looked honestly and with an open heart at my husband and what married life would bring and made the plunge at 26 instead of looking now in my early 30's and feeling the desperation of wanting children and not having a mate. I feel that pressure of my childbearing years being probably half over and I have 2 children already...I think the pressure would be unbearable and I had none and no hopes for a spouse.

It's not that women want to be single, but living in a city, most of the single men are gay.

I'd say it depends on the city. You're from San Francisco, aren't you? ;-)

I never put much stock in the male-to-female or gay-to-straight ratios in cities anyway. There may be more competition for desirable mates, but the POOL itself is still bigger than it would be in a small town.

"You are now 40+ and you are resigned to the fact that you're going to be single forever, the only men you know will be gay, and you will never date again because you are seen as too old, and you (the female) have probably developed a compulsive eating disorder from the (non) dating situation in your life. You'd still like to meet someone, but you have given up."

Lemme give you mine:

I'm 50, overweight, with heart disease and diabetes. I am not handsome. I am single, never married, and unlikely to ever marry.

My assets include a degree in "Aeronautics and Astronautics" from M.I.T., a six-figure income, a steady job, a quirky sense of humor, and a house. I am (I am told) unusually broadly educated for an engineer. I can talk about Shakespeare and Bach, Hawking and Victorian poetry, and not rely on Cliff's Notes. These are not famous as secondary sexual characteristics, except perhaps in Russia.

A co-worker (female) asked what women represent to me. I told her, "An inexhaustible source of emotional pain." ALL of my relationships have gone bad, and I get dumped. One woman--whom I wanted to marry--dumped me for another woman. They are now living together, "partners" for 20 years, and have adopted a little black girl.

Somewhere along the line, I gave up. I am just tired of dealing with rejection and bad relationships. I said, "Boris old boy, whatever you've got, women don't want. Whatever they want, you ain't got."

I tell my luckier friends--who suffer the burdens of marriage and children--that they are the ones truly blessed.

**I** am one of life's losers. My genes will not be launched into the future. In a sense, I've let my father--and his ancestors--down, for the line of 'Borises" ends here.

Listen, I take it, that it never acured to you that there are such a thing as a single HETROSEXUAL men. And that the reason they are single is because of the lack of quality of women in the (cess)pool of choices that they can chose from.

good for you.

You know, there's a lot of reasons for childlessness amongst women

And I would have to say that your statement that one is because lots of city guys are gay is well, a little ridiculous.

I'm 21 and a city dweller. I am a heterosexual living in a city with a disproprtionate homosexual population (I believe per capita it is in the top 5 "gay cities"). I am not a "playa"; I don't even date a lot of girls, forget sleeping around. I just want to be committed to one girl.

So, having gotten that far, I'm not bisexual, I don't like to wear women's clothing, and I'm not kinky. I can string together more than a few intelligable sentences. What do you consider drinking "a lot"? A drink once in awhile after work, or on a Friday or Saturday night? Having gotten this far, is smoking a joint after work or on the weekends an immediate no-no?

why, then, am I single. Why, then, can't I meet any desireable women?

and please, if you say it's because (judging from the pics on my profile page) that my room is too messy, that's not my room!!!!