Falling Coconuts Kill More People Than Shark Attacks

unisci.com ^ | 24 May 02 | NOAA staff

[RightWhale]

Administrator: Move this to General Interest if you like.

[Charles Henrickson]

Do not enter the water if sharks are known to be present and evacuate the water if sharks are seen while there.

Always good advice.

[Lil'freeper]

And, of course, do not harass a shark if you see one.

Well, duh. I would love to earn a paycheck for issuing public service announcements informing people of the painfully obvious. However, the author falls short of his duties by failing to inform the clueless public that your chances of being hit by a coconut are greatly reduced if you don't stand under a coconut tree!!!

[angcat]

why do i have a feeling i'm going to ruin my 7 year old's vacation on cape cod because of this? because i am. sharks, terrorists, happy vacation.........................

[Charles Henrickson]

"Falling coconuts kill 150 people worldwide each year. . . ."

How does he know this? Is there like a Falling Coconuts Memorial website or something? And who are these people? Don't tell me, "They are your brother, your sister, your next-door neighbor." Are falling coconuts always fatal? I wonder if there's ever been anyone who narrowly escaped a shark attack, walked up the beach, and then got plunked in the noggin by a falling coconut.

Now you've got me worried about falling coconuts. I'll be walking around all day, looking up into the sky.

[The Magical Mischief Tour]

I demand a five day waiting period on falling coconuts!!!

Where's Hitlery?!?!?!

[RightWhale]

There is also the common practice of shaking the coconut tree. If shaking the coconut tree, look upward at the same time.

[tictoc]

* Offer a limb for peace.

[Diddle E. Squat]

Maybe from the Falling Coconuts Victim Society and support groups, the lawsuit against mother earth, and the push for a FC Victims Compensation Fund. Plus falling coconuts adversely affects a disproportionate numbers of poor and non-white tropical islanders, so it must be highlighted and investigated.

[Charles Henrickson]

MAFC, Mothers Against Falling Coconuts.

[RightWhale]

Do airliners pass over your home? Will you hear the plane before a chunk of ice from the airliner hits your roof, or will the ice hit first, then the sound of the plane?

Do falling coconuts make a sound as they descend? A whistling or a cry of anguish?

[fnord]

In Italy we had 50-foot tall pine trees that dropped cones about the size of a football. When they hit it sounded like a grenade going off ... and yes, they can kill. But this article makes me curious as to the stats for deaths due to a shark falling on them?

[Lil'freeper]

Are there any government approved devices that could protect one from falling coconuts such as special helmets ergonomically designed to absorb the impact yet also allow for ventilation?

But as for the sharks, does the 'one free grope' rule apply?

[leadpenny]

Shark Attacks! Weren't the networks wall-to-wall Shark Attacks prior to 9-11?

[N. Theknow]

There is also the common practice of shaking the coconut tree. If shaking the coconut tree, look upward at the same time.

Death from falling coconuts falls into two distinct categories:

1. Everyone knows that shaking coconut trees should be left to professionals and not tried at home by rank amateurs.

2. The greatest number of people killed are from coconuts that fall prematurely from the tree and, of course, this is caused by global warming.

[Lil'freeper]

It is an obvious media bias for failing to cover the coconut killings while simultaneously blowing the shark attacks waaaaay out of proportion.

[Charles Henrickson]

Before there was . . .

there was . . .

They're up there.

[Physicist]

"Falling coconuts kill 150 people worldwide each year, 15 times the number of fatalities attributable to sharks," said George Burgess, Director of the University of Florida's International Shark Attack File and a noted shark researcher.

And that being said, the article goes on for 27 more paragraphs telling us how to protect ourselves against sharks. Shouldn't they have devoted 15 times as much space to protection against coconuts?

[Charles Henrickson]

Do not harass a coconut tree if you see one.

[RightWhale]

You're out for a pleasant family picnic in the park on Memorial Day. It's warm but slightly overcast and a touch of fog. You don't notice the coconut tree circling meanacingly in the dim shadows. Without warning . . .