Last week we featured a word in “diplospeak” — words and phrases only diplomats can utter with a straight face.
This week we’d like to offer somewhat the opposite, that is, words diplomats would rather never say. We found an appropriate sample right on the State Department’s own Web page.
A big chunk of American diplomatic resources go towards helping and advising Americans overseas. The Office of Children’s Issues, which helps Americans with hundreds of international child custody and abduction cases every year, has a Web page that provides general information about the relevant legal standards in dozens of countries.
In some Islamic countries, women do not have the same rights as men, including over the fate of their own children.
Apparently the U.S. Embassy in Riyadh was asked to prepare a report on the situation in Saudi Arabia, considered to be a rather conservative Islamic state, where most domestic matters are settled by religious law.
So the embassy interviewed a number of American wives in Saudi Arabia about their experiences and created a pamphlet called “Marriage to Saudis.”
The eight-page document includes important discussions like “Can an American mother flee the Kingdom with her dual national children?” and “Will you be permitted to travel separately from your husband?” It provides a great deal of information of the practical aspects of a woman’s life in Saudi Arabia, which provides none of the equal protections of American life.
But the embassy also felt it was important to include the following:
“To a much greater degree than in the West, Saudi children are indulged. Little girls are dressed in miniature prom dresses, little boys wear the latest in Western sport togs. Both wreak havoc.”
And
“American wives must suffer silently when the children of various relations run riot through the house.”
And
“Every family member feels free to give an opinion on any facet of another family member’s life.”
And
“Children are not expected or encouraged to leave the nest; rather, extended adolescence can occur well into a man’s early 30s.”
All that is well and good, and may describe households outside of Saudi Arabia as well.
But when the pamphlet was brought to the attention of the State Department, an official said it would be taken off the Web site while it is being revised. (We have saved a copy of the page here.)
“In general, it does present an accurate picture of what American women could face when marrying into the Saudi culture,” the official said.
I wanted to know what the Saudis make of the State Department’s matrimonial advice.
A man at the Saudi information bureau in Washington who didn’t give his name took it all in stride.
“Individuals have a choice if they fall in love,” the official said. “They have a choice if they want to marry.”
“As a government agency, the State Department has the right to issue warnings about what to expect,” the Saudi added.
“We cannot expect the Japanese to be British or the British to be American.”
Now that’s diplomatic.