Please, Please, Please? Nagging Has Become the Norm for Many Youth

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[pseudogratix]

For sure. I have my seven-year-old boy on a point system for earning his allowance. Every time his tips the point chart to the GOOD BOY side, he gets 100 yen. Every time he tips the point chart to the BAD BOY side, he must pay me 100 yen. He can then use his allowance for buying candy, toys and comic books. The idea being that he can earn GOOD BOY points by studying, doing chores, being a good boy at school, church, et al and that we don't buy him candy, toys and comic books except on special occasions (birthday, Christmas, kodomo no hi [Child's day], et al). Yet, my wife frequently gives in and buys toys and the like for him.

[southerngrit]

Been there. My husband, poster boy for "Company Man" feels extreme guilt that he has such limited time to spend with the kids. He compensates by indulging them after they have been denied privileges, extra cash, whatever, by "mean old Mom". The kids, geniuses that they are, recognized early in life that if Mom said no, Dad was very likely to overrule her. Boy, could I tell you stories about their strategy. Makes for interesting table talk!

[sarasmom]

$50 rule(under $50-no need to disscuss, over $50,we have to talk) rules!I kept a happy financial marriage for a long time on that rule (except for the lay-a-way exemption LOL)

"Hey! I didn't spam all the threads...."

Just all the ones I read.Good job!;^)

NO is final when my eyes narrow, the voice goes deeper and sparks start flying from my eyes..usually at three requests.I consider it a valuable lesson in social skills if she stops at one no, tables the disscussion and approaches me at another time after several unsolicited/unrewarded good deeds and some sort of justification for the item, along with what my little tightwad figures is her fair share.LOL

I used to ban manipulation outright, but since she is obviously a natural talent, now I insist she hones her skills to the point that she is not insultingly obvious and that she understands when to play the "negotiation game" with me and when to give up on a lost cause.

We have more fun with the many NO's that way.

[patricia]

When my first child, a son, was 4 1/2 years old ... a neighbors child who was a year younger came over to play. The boys were swinging and enjoying their banter.

The mother of the younger child came to the fence and told her son it was time for him to come home. He ignored her. She stated that if he did not come home right then, she was going to come and get him. He ignored her again. She repeated her threat to come and get him.

My son said, "He's not going home, because you keep saying you're going to come and get him ... and then you don't ... so he knows you don't mean it."

She stormed through our gate cursing my child for being rude to her. It was all I could do to keep from laughing!!!

[jrewingjr]

Out of the mouths of babes...

Good job you must have done! If you had raised my wife, I might still be married to her.

[Exit148]

My four kids were all a year apart, (all grown now and have families of their own) and they learned early that
1 - If it is on television -- don't expect it for Christmas.
2 - If you ask for it - you don't get it.

I guess that qualifies me for MEANEST MOMMIE?

My kids had lots of toys (I did relent with GI Jo's and a Barbie) and never missed any of the stuff they saw on TV. I did explain that what they see on TV, with all the background effects is not what they will have in person. The kids were well-rounded, busy, happy and we are all very close to this day.

One incident happened with one of my sons when he was well into his teens. He was giving us a reallyhard time about something. I finally looked him in the face and said "Mark, of all your friends in school, in the band, on the team, in the whole entire world --- none of them would give their lives for you. Not one! There are only two people in this world who would die for you, and they are us - your parents --- and look at what you are doing to them!!!!" It stopped him! Guilt works! LOL! Mark laughs about it to this day.

[Mo1]

Hey! I didn't spam all the threads....

No but I did .. my kiddes taught me everything I know .. LOL

[Mo1]

LOL

What you didn't like the ostrich ??

Personally I liked the naked cat .. LOL

[Mo1]

Thanks for the ping .. the middle child pulled this on me today

I NEVER let her do anything .. I NEVER get her anything

I told her that I would throw all her crap out so that when she called me a mean mommie ... she would be telling the truth

Shut her up ..LOL

[stands2reason]

I'm the cheap one in my family so I get whatever I ask for, which isn't much. If I spend more than $5 I'll let Mr. S2R know. He always says if he held the purse-strings we'd have alot more stuff, but we'd be broke. As for myself, I guess moving more than 30 times in one's life makes one allergic to "stuff".

[Mo1]

My son said, "He's not going home, because you keep saying you're going to come and get him ... and then you don't ... so he knows you don't mean it."
She stormed through our gate cursing my child for being rude to her. It was all I could do to keep from laughing!!!

ROFL .... BRAVOS to your son ..

[Dan from Michigan]

When it comes to nagging, 55 percent said they can usually get their parents to give in.

Bingo.

When I have kids, I have this all planned out.

"Dad, can I have NHL 2020(or whatever) for Playstation 10?"
"How much"
$65
"How do you expect to pay for it?"
"I don't know?"
A. "Wait for Christmas"
B. "I'll buy it...if you work it off"

[WIMom]

When my girls were in high school, they tried to 'extend' their curfew. I told them 12:00 and they whined for 1:00. I relented and told them 11:00. They got it real fast.

[WillaJohns]

This thread is so great. I love what you said to your son.

It reminded me of an article that was once posted on FR, but is no longer available. The title was "Bill and Hillary Clinton as Borderline Psychotics," by Robert L. Kocher and if anyone would like to read it in its entirety, it's HERE

Read a few excerpts and see if it doesn't fit right into this discussion:

The period after WWII saw a massive cultural change in the child developmental atmosphere in this country. In earlier generations there had been the rule of spare the rod and spoil the child. But the time had now come when parents were being told by the new breed of permissive authorities that parents were not to tell children "No!" and make it stick. There was a super-rational system of childrearing in which parents were to reason with children instead of using authority. One unfortunate effect of this was that children and adolescents found they could pretend ignorance of any explanations and do what they wanted to with no serious repercussions. A second consequence was that if at any time the child became a better debater than the parent, the child or adolescent got to do what he wanted while parents were demoted to the role of being pleading and whining children even when the parents were correct. It became obvious by the mid-60s that the country had produced a generation of young orators who could argue any side of a case with the cleverness of a trial lawyer [and they now have children of their own, hehehe].

This had ... disastrous consequences.

First, the word "no" did not need to be taken seriously. "No" was only a signal to fearlessly concoct psychobabble arguments while doing what you wanted to. ... The absence of continued response to ... interminable inane argumentation is interpreted ... as permission ... to do as [you] want.

Second, ... in being allowed laxity in return for inane arguments a generation came to believe that it could argue reality out of existence. ... In recent decades the failure of thoughts, of speech, of behavior to conform to basic reality is no longer a signal to a person that he may be doing or saying something irrational. Rather, it has become interpreted as a sign that one has a public relations problem that must be addressed by creating a new series of arguments in a campaign to deny reality. At the presidential level this necessitates a campaign to obscure or redefine what the words "sex" and "is" mean.

[WIMom]

My kids tried the 'you don't love me anymore' routine. Of course, they would come at different intervals, never two or three at the same time. At first, I tried my hardest to make them understand, until I realized they were manipulating me. Finally I had it, and told them, 'you're right, I don't love you anymore'. They could not believe I would say something like that to them, until they realized I was doing to them exactly what they were doing to me. End of that game.

[WIMom]

Are you a mean bomber too?

[Mo1]

Finally I had it, and told them, 'you're right, I don't love you anymore'. They

LOL .. I did that too

As for the stores .. when they were younger they would try the begging .. I said no .. the begged some more .. I said no .. they threw themselves on the floor and start the scream cry .. I said BYE and walked out of the store only to hear .. MOMMY WAIT .. DON'T LEAVE ME .. lol

They stopped that stunt

[WIMom]

" A second consequence was that if at any time the child became a better debater than the parent, the child or adolescent got to do what he wanted while parents were demoted to the role of being pleading and whining children even when the parents were correct. "

My oldest, who is 20, is an excellent debator. She has won forensics and debate contests. She is really excellent. I had a hard time in high school with her because of this skill. She'd argue every point I made. But, there are reasons why she couldn't go to a beer party even though she doesn't drink, or stay out til 3 am, or drive 40 miles to the big city to the 17-21 year old dance clubs ...... So, I told her, 'because I have supreme fiancial power and because I say so'. She didn't like that answer, but teens never like anything anyway.

She's turning out to be a great adult now.

[WIMom]

"they threw themselves on the floor and start the scream cry .. I said BYE and walked out of the store..."

I did that! Works fantastic!

[Mo1]

So, I told her, 'because I have supreme fiancial power and because I say so'. She didn't like that answer, but teens never like anything anyway.

My mean mommie told me that if I didn't like the rules that I knew where the door was .. LOL