Bin Laden Hit Hard By News Of His Death

SW ^

[Sir Gawain]

Bin Laden Hit Hard By News Of His Death

Washington, D.C (SatireWire.com) — News this week from the FBI's top official for counterterrorism that Osama bin Laden was "probably not with us anymore" has shaken the al Qaeda leader, who had spent the past 10 months believing he was alive.

The late bin Laden however, urged his followers not to jump to conclusions. "The Americans are known for spreading false information to throw us off guard," he said. "This could be another one of their tricks."

Despite that skepticism, however, word of his demise spread quickly through the secret caves along the Afghanistan-Pakistan border, where the terrorist mastermind has been hiding since dying in Tora Bora in October. While many were surprised and saddened by the revelation, some top aides were angry at their chief for keeping them out of the loop.

"You said you only had a shrapnel wound in the shoulder, and we believed you," said confidante Masir Mousawi. "Now I guess we know the real reason you haven't made a videotape lately."

Other followers were attempting to decide who should take over as leader, and what direction the terrorist network should go in. "I did not have a chance to speak with Osama until after he died," said al Qaeda official Abdul Atwar. "But we have to ask ourselves, what would he have wanted us to do?"

Bin Laden's continual pleas of "You could ask me," fell on deaf ears.

[Sir Gawain]

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[ctonious]

He further complained that every time he tries to "go towards the light" he ends up being re-atomized by US blockbusters successfully hitting the cave opening.

[dirtboy]

Bin Laden Hit Hard By News Of His Death

But he's holding up OK, bolstered in part by his daily afternoon shuffleboard games with Francisco Franco...

[APBaer]

"I did not have a chance to speak with Osama until after he died,"

Reminds me of the interview with Casey conducted(?) by Woodward and/or Bernstein.

[Uni-Poster]

OSAMA: I'm not dead!
CART MASTER: What?
CUSTOMER: Nothing. Here's your ninepence.
OSAMA: I'm not dead!
CART MASTER: 'Ere. He says he's not dead!
CUSTOMER: Yes, he is.
OSAMA: I'm not!
CART MASTER: He isn't?
CUSTOMER: Well, he will be soon. He's very ill.
OSAMA: I'm getting better!
CUSTOMER: No, you're not. You'll be stone dead in a moment.
CART MASTER: Oh, I can't take him like that. It's against regulations.
OSAMA: I don't want to go on the cart!
CUSTOMER: Oh, don't be such a baby.
CART MASTER: I can't take him.
OSAMA: I feel fine!
CUSTOMER: Well, do us a favour.
CART MASTER: I can't.
CUSTOMER: Well, can you hang around a couple of minutes? He won't be long.
CART MASTER: No, I've got to go to the Robinsons'. They've lost nine today.
CUSTOMER: Well, when's your next round?
CART MASTER: Thursday.
OSAMA: I think I'll go for a walk.
CUSTOMER: You're not fooling anyone, you know. Look. Isn't there something
you can do?
OSAMA: [singing] I feel happy. I feel happy.
[whop]
CUSTOMER: Ah, thanks very much.
CART MASTER: Not at all. See you on Thursday.
CUSTOMER: Right. All right

[Victoria Delsoul]

Bin Laden's continual pleas of "You could ask me," fell on deaf ears.

Hahahaha, sounds familiar huh, Gawain? LOL!!!

[Sir Gawain]

Huh? What? Are you talking to me? ;-)

[Slyfox]

Naw, he is alive and well:

[Victoria Delsoul]

LOL!!!

[Sir Gawain]

Hey, I look better than that. ;-)

[mtg]

He can't be too bummed, with all those virgins waiting for him. Seems those people have a better life dead.

[Tourist Guy]

He's in the Philippines.

[bloggerjohn]

Alas, the Koran has been mistranslated all these years.

That wasn't Seventy-Two virgins.

It was a Seventy-Two Year Old Virgin.

[Slyfox]

I heard tell Osama was working at a gas station in Kalamazoo.