I was glad to see you post this...we are going through this terrible time with my Father right now...he can't remember what he did 30 minutes ago, but has no problem remembering his childhood or military service ID number...he can still rattle off that number and his social security number without batting an eye...his primary care doctor told us to "bring him back" when he drifted off talking about the old days...that just seemed to get him very frustrated and angry at times...I told my Mom to just go along with him...in a few minutes he forgets what he was talking about anyway...and at 86, why cause him undue frustration or make him angry??...
Exactly! I’m glad you posted affirming this as well.
At first, I guess, the main problem is that you feel as though you are lying to the person or treating them with disrespect if you just “go along” with what they are saying, much less participate in the “unreal” event (by saying, e.g., “That must have been a delicious lunch!”).
But after having fully gone this route — after the nurse (who’d spent decades caring for people with various types of dementia) made us feel that it was the right way to go — I can’t tell you how helpful it was to everyone involved.
I hope your Mom will be able to follow your advice. Maybe, as happened with us, she will even begin to notice that your dad gets some enjoyment out of his “memory” when it’s “confirmed” by her.
Also realizing that maybe at some level your dad knows he’s on the home stretch can be helpful. I now think that, besides the dementia, it’s simply human — if we have time and notice that death, or losing our mind totally, is coming, however slowly — it’s simply human to go back over the years and “relive” some of our experiences.
Thinking about it this way gave me a lot more patience. Like helping someone turn the pages of a photo album from long ago one last time. It also helped me feel confident I was actually being nice to my parent by participating in this process rather than, essentially, telling my parent to “stop it.”