I’m sorry to hear about what is going on in your life. Find a friend you can confide in.
That being said, there are some things you need to do RIGHT NOW. Cancel all your joint accounts and cards. Remove any money from them. Close/ clean out safety deposit boxes. Any valuable personal property needs to be taken off site.
You will make it through this, but remember it’s not mostly your fault. It’s at least 1/2 her fault and you need to stop feeling sorry for yourself and get angry. Get good and angry and stop being a doormat. It allows her to have all the power in the situation.
Remember, you can be hurt and frustrated on your own time, but if you go around being Mr. Sorry Pants then you are going to get screwed in the end and you will be even worse off.
Good luck. If you want someone to talk with you can email me through the site and I’ll be happy to give you my #. You’re going to be OK, but you’re in for a rough ride. Hunker down and concentrate on getting out on the other end intact, not on your own hurt. It’s hard, I know. You are in my prayers.
Sounds like another case of the wife cashing out and dumping the old guy after the kids are grown. I can tell you that she knew this was coming 2 years ago so she’s probably got all the cash she’s going to take, but close the accounts anyway. Same with the CC’s because you will end up paying the balance even if it grows before the divorce is final.
It takes on average 5 years for the husband to recover financially. But you will recover. You will go through a period here shortly where common sense goes out the window and you will be tempted to do nutty things...like follow her around, wonder what she’s up to, hack her emails. Well, this period will end after about 3 months and you have to try and get through it without doing something truly regrettable. You are going to grieve now. She did her grieving last year.
Stay in the house if at all possible. By leaving you give up a huge position. Keep any non-ordered maintenance as small as possible because this will be used as a foundation for any possible future maintenance. This is not the time to be generous with your money.
Life goes on.
Oh..I would suggest paying more cash in order to keep your retirement intact for yourself if possible.
Thank you for the advice.