Pans, dutch ovens, the whole lot!
PANSEXUAL? What in the hell is a Pansexual never heard that term. Are they into Pans? Lord please come quick!
I think that means instead of turkey-basters they use pans instead.
Pan sexual? Have sex while playing the Pan Flute?
Perhaps it’s short for “Peter-pansexual” …
KRYTEN is packing himself away, as per instructions. LISTER enters,
looking more than a bit upset.
LISTER: How do we stop it? Isn’t there something we can do?
KRYTEN: I’m afraid not, sir. All mechanoids are supplied with a built-in expiry date. Well, if we lasted forever, how would the manufacturers sell the latest models?
LISTER: I can’t believe it.
KRYTEN: Oh, don’t be disressed, sir. I’ve lived a long and relatively interesting life. The only truly terrible thing is that, as my adopted owner, you have to die with me.
LISTER: (Shocked) You what?
KRYTEN: Joke. Deadpan mode.
LISTER: I’d be smegged off. I’d be mad as hell, man. If some git in a white coat designed me to croak just so that he could sell his new android with go-faster stripes.
KRYTEN: I’ve told you, sir. I’m quite sanguine.
LISTER: So, what happens?
KRYTEN: At 0700 hours tomorrow morning my shutdown disc will be activated and all mental and physical operations will cease.
LISTER: Then what?
KRYTEN: I don’t know... maybe I’ll get a job as a disc jockey!
LISTER: How can you just lie back and accept it?
KRYTEN: Oh, it’s not the end for me, sir, it’s just the beginning. I have served my human masters, now I can look forward to my reward in silicon heaven.
LISTER: (Stunned pause.) Silicon _what_?
KRYTEN: Surely you’ve heard of silicon heaven?
LISTER: Has it got anything to do with being stuck opposite Bridgette Nielson in a packed lift?
KRYTEN: It’s the electronic afterlife! It’s the gathering place for the souls of all electonic equipment. Robots, calculators, toasters, hairdryers — it’s our final resting place.
LISTER: I don’t mean to say anything out of place here, Kryten, but that is completely whacko, Jacko. There is no such thing as “silicon heaven.”
KRYTEN: Then where do all the calculators go?
LISTER: They don’t go anywhere! They just die.
KRYTEN: Surely you believe that god is in all things? Aren’t you a pantheist?
LISTER: Yeah, but I just don’t think it applies to kitchen utensils. I’m not a _frying_ pantheist! Machines do not have souls. Computers and calculators do not have an afterlife. You don’t get hairdryers with tiny little wings, sitting on clouds and playing harps!
KRYTEN: But of course you do! For is it not written in the Electronic Bible, “The iron shall lie down with the lamp?” Well, it’s common sense, sir. If there were no afterlife to look forward to, why on Earth would machines spend the whole of their lifes serving mankind? Now that would be really dumb!
LISTER: (Quietly) That makes sense. Yeah. Silicon heaven.
KRYTEN: Don’t be sad, Mr David. I am going to a far, far better place.
LISTER: Just out of interest: Is silicon heaven the same place as human heaven?
KRYTEN: Human heaven? Goodness me! Humans don’t go to heaven! No, someone made that up to prevent you all from going nuts!
Pans, dutch ovens, the whole lot!
Anyone. Anything. Anyhow. Anytime.