I don't cheat and have a better job and make more money then most people my age. This is about the lack of a partnership in the marriage. She can't depend on me for anything.
as you are finding out, opinions are like @$$holes - everybody has got one, and while it might be ok for them, for most others they stink.
seek counseling with a qualified professional or hang it up.
Does your wife work?
"Lack of partnership" ?
It sounds like she is running a mind game on you.
"She can't depend on me for anything."
I think you've been convinced by her that is the truth, which I say is BS.
You hold down a job and unless you are a spendthrift, you pay rent and bills.
If all the bitching is because she perceives an inequality in the way household chores are distributed then you can work on that. She needs to understand that you mowing the yard, car maintenance, errands for her, etc. ALL are considered chores, so you get a + in that column.
If she's bitching about clothes on the floor, helping unload the dishwather, folding towels, and bathing the baby, etc. then you can adust and help out there.
BTW, You're helping with chores doesn't give her a pass to sit on her ass all night because she stayed at home all day with the kid while you worked.
Is she a stay at home mother? If she is and is browbeating you over piddly chores after you've earned money all day, there is a serious problem on her end, IMO.
For a man your age this is not unusual. But the persistence of the condition, even in the face of powerful incentives to behave otherwise, may indicate something more. I would agree with others on the forum that seeking professional medical/psychological advice may be an alternative.
You mention that you have a pretty good job. Do they offer an employee assistance program? These can often be low-cost opportunities for consultation with a professional. If you feel confident in their promises of confidentiality, you may wish to pursue that. But in any case, do something, and make sure your wife knows you are doing something. She may react very positively to the fact that you're recognizing the problem and taking affirmative steps to deal with it.
I've been around ADHD for a long time. Some of the symptoms you describe sound very familiar. I would encourage you to see a psychologist first. They have several tests that they can administer that will help them understand what may be going on. But also a word of caution, ADHD is often something diagnosed right away. ADHD should be a default diagnosis, meaning all other possibilities should be eliminated first.
Good luck to you, and stay as far away from the military as you can. Your lack of focus would be extremely dangerous to you and to your fellow soldiers/sailors/airmen/marines. If you think you're having trouble coping with what this problem is doing to your family, imagine the problem if your actions/inactions injured or killed another soldier.
Get help, tell your wife you're seeking help, and do everything you can to keep your family together. No one can replace you in your child's life.
Can you depend on her for anything other than a daily dressing down? If this were the other way around she'd have you in Probate Court for mental abuse. She has you believing that you are worthless.
Can she do anything for herself?