The Guild 3-29-2005 Enquirer's British Invasion

New York Times ^ | 3-29-2005 | DAVID CARR

[BigWaveBetty]

Spirits were high in the offices of The National Enquirer in Manhattan last week. A gaggle of British interlopers had taken custody of the tabloid, a SWAT team of Fleet Street meat-eaters brought in to revive the storied but now flagging checkout magazine. Not only was The Enquirer moving its main offices and production facilities to Manhattan from Florida - effectively taking the gossip magazine uptown and mainstream - but even more deliciously the paper also had a cover article suggesting that a Hollywood actor's Super Bowl celebration was a bit more super than most.

Paul Field, the Enquirer's editor and a former associate editor of The Sun, a popular British tabloid, was in particularly fine fettle, even though he was fighting a cold. A stripper and prostitute had told The Enquirer that she spent Super Bowl Sunday last month in the company of the star of a popular television show. The actor, through a representative, has denied the allegations. The Enquirer saved the naughtiest bit from the stripper's account - allegations of drug use - for the issue coming out today, the last one produced in Boca Raton, Fla.

In holding off, the editors took a tactical risk that they would not be scooped. "No, I'm not concerned," Mr. Field said, sitting at a table in his office. "No other publication would touch that story," he said, unlike in Britain, where "there would be other papers all over it."

In order to ensure a steady inventory of articles like the super Super Bowl one that will compel checkout readers to actually buy the paper, Mr. Field hired a slew of British tabloid veterans, including Paul Henderson, the former Mail on Sunday investigations editor, and Steve Dennis, the ex-Daily Mirror reporter who broke the stories about Paul Burrell, ...

[BigWaveBetty]

Place your bets, how much longer until Madge make Guy so crazy he scoots?

Occasionally I watch The Daily Show but it's difficult to sit through the lame jokes they try to make out of the war in Iraq and the general goings on in the ME. Aren't there thousands of things happening in the world that are actually funny? Why try so hard to make fun of something that's not?

I'll be interested to see (repeats this week) if the recent UN and Kofi kerfuffle will register on their funny meter.

[BigWaveBetty]

Yes! HLL and I were freaking over her new look yesterday while Prissy and Lisa were on Oprah. Sad, she used to be so pretty.

[BigWaveBetty]

Son for Korn singer and wife
Korn singer Jonathan Davis and wife Deven are the proud parents of a son they named Pirate Howsmon Davis, mtv.com reports. Yes, Pirate. The boy was born on March 18. "He is so beautiful," Davis wrote on his Web site. "I can't describe how I'm feeling right now."
(AP/Jennifer Graylock)

Bestowing the name Pirate on a poor innocent child, I'd say he's feeling vindictive.

---

Gov. Moonbeam hasn't even given Gust a ring yet!

Lifelong bachelor politician Jerry Brown, 67, has finally proposed marriage to his live-in partner, Gap Inc. executive Anne Gust, 47. Sen. Dianne Feinstein (D-Calif.) will officiate at the wedding, her spokesman told us yesterday. (California law allows elected officials to perform weddings.) No date has been set.

"Neither of us is skilled in this marriage thing," Gust, who also has never tied the knot, told the San Francisco Chronicle. Brown, the state's former governor and now mayor of Oakland, popped the question earlier this month after preparing Gust a dinner of chicken, vegetables and salad. But he didn't proffer a ring to the woman he has known for 15 years. "One step at a time,'' Brown told the newspaper. "We don't want to rush this process.''
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A11209-2005Mar29.html

Haven't they shacked up for 15 years now? Yowser.

---

After fondling the pig in the White House, now Monica finds that sort of thing offensive:

Speaking of reality TV and interns: Monica Lewinsky has learned a lesson, it seems. A couple of years ago, her "Mr. Personality" show on Fox tanked, and now Us Weekly reports that the world's most famous White House intern has turned down $500,000 to appear on "The Farm," a U.K. reality show. It once featured David Beckham's alleged mistress Rebecca Loos "fondling a pig," the mag reveals, and Lewinsky won't go there. "I don't do reality shows," she's quoted as saying.
[also at WP link]

[mountaineer]

Monica should have gone back home (post-White House) and quietly tried to rebuild her life, instead of competing with Chelsea Clinton for the title of "most visible New York party girl seen at all the trendy hotspots."

[BigWaveBetty]

Roger Simon deciphers the Second Interim report of the Independent Inquiry Committee into the United Nations Oil-for-Food Programme so you don't have to!

http://www.rogerlsimon.com/mt-archives/2005/03/second_interim.php

[gopwinsin04]

So is Kevin going to get visitation rights? Maybe the baby and Kevin can pal around with the 'VIP Escort' on weekends...

[Hillary's Lovely Legs]

NEW EVENING CLASSES FOR MEN



ALL ARE WELCOME

OPEN TO MEN ONLY





Note: due to the complexity and level of difficulty, each course will accept a maximum of eight participants



The course covers two days, and topics covered in this course include:





DAY ONE



HOW TO FILL ICE CUBE TRAYS

Step by step guide with slide presentation



TOILET ROLLS- DO THEY GROW ON THE HOLDERS?

Roundtable discussion



DIFFERENCES BETWEEN LAUNDRY BASKET & FLOOR

Practicing with hamper (Pictures and graphics)



DISHES & SILVERWARE; DO THEY LEVITATE/FLY TO KITCHEN SINK

OR DISHWASHER BY THEMSELVES?

Debate among a panel of experts.



LOSS OF VIRILITY

Losing the remote control to your significant other - Help line and support groups



LEARNING HOW TO FIND THINGS

Starting with looking in the right place instead of turning the house upside down while shouting

"It's not there!", You've moved it!" or "We've run out!" - Open forum







DAY TWO



EMPTY MILK CARTONS; DO THEY BELONG IN THE FRIDGE OR THE BIN?

Group discussion and role-play



HEALTH WATCH; BRINGING HER FLOWERS IS NOT HARMFUL TO YOUR HEALTH

PowerPoint presentation



REAL MEN ASK FOR DIRECTIONS WHEN LOST

Real life testimonial from the one man who did



IS IT GENETICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO SIT QUIETLY AS SHE PARALLEL PARKS?

Driving simulation



LIVING WITH ADULTS; BASIC DIFFERENCES BETWEEN YOUR MOTHER AND YOUR PARTNER

Online class and role playing



HOW TO BE THE IDEAL SHOPPING COMPANION

Relaxation exercises, meditation and breathing techniques



REMEMBERING IMPORTANT DATES & CALLING WHEN YOU'RE GOING TO BE LATE

Bring your calendar or PDA to class



GETTING OVER IT; LEARNING HOW TO LIVE WITH BEING WRONG ALL THE TIME

Individual counsellors available

[Hillary's Lovely Legs]

Yikes, is that Priscilla? She used to be pretty. Looks like a case of too much cosmetic surgery.

Priscilla is a total mess. Her face is very disturbing. She is one operation away from becoming Jocelyn Wildenstien.

[mountaineer]

That's exactly who she reminded me of. On every episode of Extreme Makeover or The Swan, they ought to show photos of Jocelyn or Michael Jackson as a counterbalance to the pro-cosmetic surgery frenzy.

On another topic, I just drafted my living will (basing it on the one available online at the Allegheny County Medical Society's website). It gives a strangely comforting feeling to know that my wishes have been stated clearly.

[Hillary's Lovely Legs]

I just scanned my Living Will and Do Not Resuscitate Orders into my computer and sent a copy off to my mother and will hand deliver a copy to my father in Florida tomorrow.

I also feel a great peace that my wishes are on file for the record and there is no question as to what I want done.

[Hillary's Lovely Legs]

Dear Abby,



My husband is a liar and a cheat. He has cheated on me from the very

beginning, and when I confront him, he denies everything. What's worse everyone knows he cheats on me. It is so humiliating. Also, he's been out of work for the past four years and has not looked for a new job since. All he does is smoke cigars, and cruise around with his pals, while I have to work to pay the bills.

Since our daughter went away to college, he does not even pretend to like me...and hints that I am a lesbian. What should I do??



Signed,



Clueless





Dear Clueless,



Grow up and dump him. For Pete's sake, you don't need him anymore...You're a United States Senator from New York, act like one!

[BigWaveBetty]

Ha ha!

Thought for the day:

If you consider that there have been an average of 160,000 troops in theater during the last 22 months, that gives a firearm death rate of 60 per 100,000. The rate in Washington D.C. is 80.6 per 100,000. That means that you are 25% more likely to be shot and killed in our Nation's Capitol, which has some of the strictest gun control laws in the nation, than you are in Iraq.

Conclusion: We should immediately pull out of Washington, D.C.

[mountaineer]

I'm detecting a trace of sarcasm in this Page Six item, just a hint, perhaps:

AL Reynolds had a surprise Tuesday night for his beloved wife, Star Jones. The happy hubby showed up at actor Alan Cumming's reading of erotica at Duvet Tuesday evening, checked out the room and made a beeline for the gift bags, to which he helped himself. We can only imagine what the newlyweds did when he got home with his swag, which included a pair of furry handcuffs, a whip and a bottle of Svedka vodka. Reynolds' rep did not return calls.

More of the world gone mad:

What a drag! Men who dress as women don't have the right to use ladies bathrooms, an appeals court has ruled. The decision by the Appellate Division came in the case of a Queens AIDS group, Hispanic AIDS Forum, that sued after its Jackson Heights landlord refused to renew its lease. The landlord wanted the group to agree in writing that its transgender clients - men who identify psychologically with women and dress in female clothing - would not use the ladies room in the building. The group sued, charging the landlord was violating state and city human rights laws. ... NY Daily News

[daisyscarlett]

Just got back from the supermarket and a tabloid cried out to me. It was not the Enquirer (might have been the GLOBE)...it had a picture of Chels on the cover and the headlines were: "Chelsea's drinking out of control again as father fights for his life and romance dwindles..."

I didn't purchase the rag or read the inside, just didn't have the stomach for it today.

Just heard the Pope has been given Last Rites and Prince Albert has taken over the reign of Monaco because Prince Rainier is in bad shape, too....

RIP Terri.

[Iowa Granny]

hello. I am emotionally spent tonite. I'll come back tomorrow when I can think straight.

[pubmom]

Good morning! Everyone in our home has been struck with a weird virus since Easter, it manifests itself differently in each of us. I've been up for about an hour already with a sick child.

We're all emotionally spent at this point, I think.

[Iowa Granny]

So sorry to hear you're fighting a bug at your house. I hope things straighten up for you soon.

[daisyscarlett]

Wouldn't it be nice if the Schindlers and/or the Schivo's used any leftover money from donations etc. to set up a foundation for the treatment of eating disorders, such as bulemia and anorexia? There are reports that Terri was a compulsive dieter and this may have even caused her initial cardiac arrest. Just a thought....I may seek out a charity for eating disorders and donate some money in Terri's name. To help prevent others from ending up in a PVS (or whatever) would be a lasting legacy to Terri. Is there such an organization as the National Bulemic Society?

Please don't flame me...I am outta here for the weekend and won't see your posts till Tuesday, lol.

[Iowa Granny]

No flames from here. I'm still pondering your thought.

[Neenah]

Sorry to interrupt the flow here. I just got an email about American Idol. (Yes, I know it is trivial with all the heavy and sad news we have had)..but just a little diversion here...this is sickening to say the least.

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