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If, by some miracle, England get to the final, I'd sooner see it from France doing the hard work and beating Brazil!

Arrrgh! A dreadful vision is forming in my head: England could indeed win the title, if a number of things comes to pass - in exactly this way:

Friday: Germany - Argentina: In by far the greatest match of the tournament the most artistic team (Argentina) meets the hosts who have by far the fittest team. It's an epic battle, THE game of the decade, and remembered for decades to come: 2-2 after 90 minutes, 3-3 after overtime. In the third round of penalty kicks a German striker loses his nerve, Argentina wins.

Italy on the other hand has no problems whatsoever with an outclassed Ukraine, they really got lucky on this one.

Saturday: England meets Portugal - Another lackluster performance by the English. However, the Portugese suffer from a serious disadvantage: Because several players have to sit this one out, their ranks are in disarray. Enough for Rooney to slip one through and score a single goal, the winning goal.

That same evening France meets Brazil - and beats it. Zidane, intent on showing the world one last time his class leads France to an unlikely victory. Brazil, to smug and arrogant never recovers from France's first goal, going down 2-1 to France.

Tuesday, first semifinal: Italy are lucky to meet Argentina, not Germany. Had Germany won the PKs, their superior fitness would have beaten Italy in the end. But after the match against the hosts, Argentina only has another 60 minutes in them. Italy plays defensively, and in the 73rd minute they mount a successful counterattack after the Argentinian players lose their breath during an attack on the Italian goal. 1-0

Wednesday, second semifinal: England against Frace. Both teams know each other well and it shows. Also, the age of the French begins to show. After the exhausting match against Brazil, France simply has nothing left against England.

The final: A truly atrocious match. Both sides play terrible defensive football without imagination and rhythm. Instead of rooting for England and Italy the ranks begin to shout "Germany" and "Argentina", as they long for the quarterfinalists' performance. Another set piece, another glimpse of Beckham's abilities. England wins the same way Germany made the final in 2002: By a combination of sheer luck and disruptive soccer without flow or rhythm.

Henceforth England carries the stigma of being the Darth Vader of soccer and Baddiel and Skinner change their lyrics from "Three lions on the shirt" to "Eagle on the shirt".

What a nightmare! For the sake of soccer, let's hope things go otherwise!