Dear Johnny, Perhaps there's a job for you at a San Diego
factory farm where workers were arrested for putting
baby chicks into a chipper
http://www.upc-online.org
A word of advice: it's not great for your credibility to link to a site that sells books comparing poultry farms to the Holocaust. 'Specially not on your first day.
Dear Fruitarian, I would cook you slowly over an open fire... 20 minutes to the pound... salt & pepper to taste.