POLITICIANS: GURUS GONE WILD

FIREHAT ^ | April 4, 2008 | Norman Liebmann

[firehat]

POLITICIANS: GURUS GONE WILD ©

by Norman Liebmann

People should have sensed something questionable in Hillary Clinton’s account of her landing under sniper fire in Tuzla. There is a sign in every cow pasture in Bosnia that reads “Don’t step in the tuzla.

Now that “The Donald” has hired prostitute Ashley Dupre, has she gone from being Spitzer’s Strumpet to Trump’s Tramp?

Noted without comment: Barack Obama has been endorsed by Jane Fonda.

Apparently with the upcoming Olympic Games to take place in Beijing the Chinese have decided to add a new event called the Tibetan Monk Kill.

It’s just possible Barack Obama’s inauguration address will begin with the words, “They call me Mr. Tibbs”.

We may finally be witnessing the end of the Clinton/Media cross-entrenchment. Either that or Bill Clinton has sprung a leak in his charisma. (If Bill Clinton doesn’t get a call every twenty minutes from somebody telling him what a SOB he is, he checks to see if the phone is off the hook.)

Don Imus is America’s first victim of reverse lynching and Al Sharpton supplied the metaphoric rope. Racial healing is just another form of racism – however benign it proclaims itself. Eventually the bridge in Selma, Alabama will become more of a white shrine than a black shrine.

Barack Obama has nothing to offer America but “hope” - which in politics is inertia in its highest form of inactivity.

Which is more transparent, John McCain’s Styrofoam humility or Barack Obama’s polyester sincerity?

It has become increasingly obvious that there are two kinds of terrorists – black and near black. Both fit the profile of the profile.

It would be a better world if the oil was above the ground and the Arabs were underneath it. It is time to make jihad on jihad.

Don’t be surprised if Angelina and Brad’s name their next baby Mogadishu Pitt.

Welfare is for people who are too proud to beg - but that doesn’t stop them from begging.

The problems in Africa seem largely attributable to their questionable taste in wardrobe.

Voice-activated computers will continue to speak English but they will be reprogrammed to speak it with a Latino accent. Incidentally, why is it Mexicans don’t sneak into countries where they already know the lingo? It worked for Geraldo Rivera.

The United Nations has made being black a world passport.

Inner city young people are being urged to make the most of their youth. They are being advised that nobody ever got rich pimping at Leisure World

Most Democrats are always ignorant. It just takes an election to make it bloom.

Bush is going to Russia to negotiate with Vladimir Putin. The question is whether he will throw in the towel or just air drop it from Air Force One.

Michelle Obama is starting to have visions of herself as the new African Queen.

Computers are helping us overcome our conveniences.

UNDER THE GOLDEN ARMPITS

McDonald’s has signed onto the gay agenda. The fast food franchise may change the name Big Mac to Long Mac. Patrons won’t know whether it will give them indigestion or AIDS. If the trend continues, people will be able to get a sex change operation at a drive up window.

Why not make prostitution a government guest worker program which will make them eligible for government subsidies and save politician’s out-of-pocket expenses?

At feminists’ insistence the children’s book Little Black Sambo will be replaced by a female version called “Little Black Bimbo.”

The power of the mainstream media lies in the knowledge that any vestige of truth it can’t dilute it can suffocate.

Mayor Gavin Newsom asked the people of San Francisco, “Why do you want to live in a picturesque city when you can live in a picturesque slum?” The people of San Francisco are still mulling their response.

Psychiatrists who say prostitutes who make $5000 an hour feel “devalued” give that profession a credibility problem. Although it would seem fitting, before having to go to bed with Eliot Spitzer every hooker should at least be offered a blindfold and a last cigarette.

We always knew what Hillary and Obama are. They never double-crossed us – as did John McCain repeatedly. The double-cross is McCain’s political signature.

The Saudis may soon have found another way to merchandise Islam by letting their muezzins wail from the tops of their oil derricks.

Geraldo Rivera wants to convince America, “Inside every Latino street gang there is a Don Quixote teaching the gang bangers how to mug a windmill”.

Why don’t homosexuals who intend to come out of the closet at least have the decency to wait until after the children have gone to bed?

If and when they get back into the White House will Bill expect Hillary to carry him across the threshold? At his present weight Hillary would have to make two trips.

Sean Penn has been bad-mouthing Bill O’Reilly lately. Someone should remind Penn that not only does O’Reilly get the last word, but he gets it five days a week.

The Democrats have become the party of addiction. The Mayor of Detroit looks like a guy who has already O.D.’d on just about everything.

Barack Obama is turning America into a Hussein Asylum

Why doesn’t Ben Bernanke join the local chapter of Economists Anonymous? Incidentally, is our sick economy eligible for Medicare?

Has anyone considered the fact that after Lincoln proclaimed the Emancipation Proclamation the slave owners’ descendants became entitled to reparations?

Bush’s compassion reduced a two week skirmish down to a five year war.

A black biologist has discovered a microorganism which he calls the Barack Amoeba

Washington has become a place where there is no one to root for.

Department of Contradiction: Conservative websites who profess to hate the mainstream media won’t upload any article to their blogs until it’s been published in the mainstream media. That way they play it both safe and stupid.

The Democrat Convention is shaping up to be more of a carnage than a carnival.

MORE CLINTONS

People are no longer impressed with Scheherazade’s romantic Tales of 1001 Arabian Nights. Bill Clinton has had more “matinees” than that. It’s rumored Bubba was once pulled over by the Arkansas Highway Patrol who determined his blood alcohol was normal but his sperm count was more than three times over the legal limit.

Bill Clinton became famous for relentlessly lying to his wife and now it turns out she’s a more of a habitual liar than he is. Hillary Clinton’s underestimation of her prevarication “I misspoke” is rather pallid rhetoric. I would have preferred the classier euphemism, “I deviated from the truth”.

JOHN SIDNEY McCAIN

John McCain’s stated foreign policy is to follow the advice of “our friends in Europe”. It looks like Neville Chamberlain is back in town. John McCain’s first act as America’s leader would be to ask some foreign leader how to lead.

Was John McCain’s determination to close Guantanamo Bay based on his inability to make a decision whether it is more inhumane to water board terrorists or just make them eat kosher food?

McCain has inspired a new colorful epithet - “that aisle-crossing SOB”. He not only crosses the aisle, he double crosses it. Double-crossing his own party has long been McCain’s political signature. Having alienated the conservative base McCain is now considered by Republicans as their Kamikaze Candidate.

It’s rumored John McCain has begun to show the onset of a condition called Reverse Alzheimers’ Disease. As well as forgetting things that happened, he’s begun to remember things that never happened.

Not only did John McCain graduate sixth from the bottom of his class at Annapolis but at the Hanoi Hilton he failed Captivity 101 (although at the The Naval Academy but he did excel in courses in Bilge Pumping and Ship Abandoning.)

Good news for John McCain – winemakers are not so enthusiastic about 2009 being a good year for Chardonnay but doctors report it will be a vintage year for “Chemo”.

PASTOR JEREMIAH WRIGHT: A TRATOR IN THE WOODPILE

Barack Obama’s Pastor Jeremiah Wright’s harangues would be taken a little more seriously if he didn’t show up in the pulpit wearing his pajama tops. Wright who is screaming about America being run by rich white people just bought a mansion for one million six hundred thousand dollars in an opulent white neighborhood of Chicago. Wright is what quality folks used to refer to as “N-word rich”.

Resident religious bigot Wright referred to Italians as “garlic noses”. It would seem the people in Wright’s congregation should be among the last people to ridicule physical characteristics. Pastor Wright should use his share of reparations for slavery to get his teeth straightened. The Nile is full of crocodiles that have more compelling smiles.

And this …

Will someone please teach the Clintons how to wave bye-bye?

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