Posted on 07/23/2009 1:11:10 PM PDT by JoeProBono
After plowing through a gazillion interviews when I was starting out in programming, I could well sympathize with these smart-aleck answers by some college applicants.
"What improvement in yourself have you seen in the last few months?"
The sight of blood no longer excites me.
What are your assets? (as in strengths)
I am bright, trustworthy, punctual, hard-working.
What are your weaknesses?
Sometimes I am not bright, trustworthy, punctual, hard-working.
The ones that use to tick me off were:
1) "How much did you make at your last job?"
Immaterial as the job I was applying for had more responsibilities. After that experience, I twice added $5,000 to my current wage and got the jobs at $3,000 more and $5,000 more ("We can just match that, but tell you that raises will come more often.")
2) When they thought I was a retired veteran: "Oh, you're retired military so you don't need as much." I asked them if they paid a guy who had eight kids more than a single John, since they paid on perceived need. I didn't get THAT job.
“Does ‘a diverse work environment’ mean that you hire hot Latina and Asian chicks here?”
Hiring managers (myself included) can be SO friggin' petty. Nevertheless, he did learn his lesson. I only hope that he was just a kid out of college.
This is true, especially when you get a flood of resumes and need a quick screen. He was young, and gainfully employed, he was just looking for a different role.
I once had a girl come in to interview for the administrative assistant position. She was dressed in "club" clothes. Her pants were so tight you could see the outline of her T-back. The shirt was a wrap around that came to the top of her pants and draped open. During the entire interview she stared out the window and wouldn't look me in the eye. (shaking head)
I'm telling you, these kids have NO life skills, we had one that brought his parents to the interview. (rme)
Didn't hire either of them. :-)
I hate those types of questions also. Yet another indication that I just don’t fit in:)
I’m thinking (hoping) that most people have lots of traits and quirks that they wouldn’t pass on at an interview; these people in the article are just more honest.
I never experienced the “bring parents or best friend to the interview” routine, but I know others who have. To add insult to injury, I know one case where the PARENTS answered most of the questions for the person in question. This was for a CREDIT ANALYST job btw!
My husband once got a letter from a guy, asking for his job back. He said that he had quit his job because he had only been using it as a cover for his real job as a CIA hit man and that he didn’t want to work for the CIA anymore and that he realized that he really liked the job that he had quit.
Have you ever read the book “Idiot Letters”? It’s hilarious, basically funny letters the author sent to various companies. Some of the responses from companies were priceless too, especially the ones who got the joke.
One of the best was his cover letter to Xerox saying that he was perfect for Xerox because he did everything in duplicate. I I mean mean every every word word was was duplicated duplicated. He even duplicated the words in the address on the envelope and put two stamps on it.
Here’s one that’s out there:
“I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row.
I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute
Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love and an outlaw in Peru. Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon basin from a horde of ferocious army ants.
I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets, I am a subject of numerous documentaries. When I’m bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding.
On Wednesdays, I repair electrical appliances free of charge. I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I don’t perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller number nine and have won the weekend passes. Last summer I toured New Jersey with a travelling centrifugal-force demonstration.I bat .400.
My deft flower arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me. I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket.
I have performed several covert operations with the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me.
I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four course meals using only mouli and a toaster oven.
I breed prize-winning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka and spelling bees in the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, I have performed open heart surgery and I have spoken with Elvis.
I have not yet found a job”.
bfl
When I worked at Rockwell, we spent over $10M writing a proposal to the USAF.
The first line of the cover letter read, “Cockwell is pleased to present....”
The Worlds Most Interesting Man. He doesn't always drink beer, but when he does it's Dos Equis.
Everyone else was a bit more casual and I felt incredibly silly.
The interview was a group interview in which we had to introduce ourselves. At my turn I started gabbing about my hobbies and interests. I was told all three of the managers liked me and would be able to start at the next show. I have been there almost two years now, despite my frumpy outfit.
I’ve sat in on interviews for our company at times... we make devices that are installed in hospitals...
one guy.. crazy look in the eyes says “Listen! I’ve been in MORE hospitals than any of you! I’ve been sick MORE times than you can imagine! I KNOW THE INSIDE of a hospital like NOBODY’S business!”... no, we did not hire him.
Another time was a guy already in our department trying for a supervisorial position. I liked the kid, but dang, he was so nervous and anxious he intererrupted me 26 times (yes, I counted them I was so annoyed)... end of interview I told him (so he could work on it) and the kid was mortified. At least I think he listened... finally :)
I hope this poor guy got the job. I feel for him, he really needed a job. I once worked for an international company that did three separate interviews of candidates. Top tier, middle and lower associates would have a say in the hiring. I was in the group with the most women. This guy was not only extremely qualified, but he had a most delightful sense of humor. I have never before or after laughed so much in a job interview. Needless to say, he got the job and was very good at it.
I’m on a message board for college profs & grad students. One recurring theme is the old hands telling the young Turks not to act like elitist snobs when ‘forced’ to interview at less than Ivy League or top research institutions.
It’s unbelievable what people say to the hiring committee - “How do you people stand living in this place?” “I’m only interested in this job for the teaching experience until I go back to an Ivy.” “Your students will be elevated by me and my educational background.” “This is just a practice interview.” “Hmm, no, I don’t want to meet the students.”
Remember, these are all PhDs from the finest schools in the country.
And people wonder why they don’t get hired.
(Well, almost anything)
And that’s a weird interview question how ?
Lifeguard job? Job site needed flotation devices?
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