A lot of our gender problems relate to the lack of socialization between boys and girls. The assumption is that they are *supposed* to socialize in school, but this is demonstrably false.
Spending 50 minutes a day in the same room with someone of the opposite gender, when everyone is supposed to be learning, is not socialization. Grade after grade, even if someone is recognizable, it does not mean they ever even talk.
This is why much of our entertainment is based on a man and woman who are *forced* to interact, by circumstances, who then, fantastically, not only communicate with each other, but then become friends, and eventually lovers. In 50 minutes. Utter nonsense, but this is what children are being raised with.
Children who have opposite gender siblings are more fortunate, because they at least have some small amount of experience with the opposite sex. Not sexual, of course, but sex is just a short culmination of a sexual relationship. The other 99% is not sexual, but relationship.
But boys and girls are forced to confront that 1% *first*, before even saying “Hello”. Instead, what they need are hours and hours of non-sexual interaction, in which at times they have to compete, and at other times, they have to cooperate. It needs a physical, intellectual and emotional element, to help them figure out the perspectives and abilities of the other.
The need to understand each other’s family environment, including their parents and siblings, in a social context. This is not easy to do.
And then, the acid test, which it was tacitly thought of in the US South, was if they do date, and are thinking about marriage, then they have an experience with “necking”. Simply put, this is sitting on a sofa, and just kissing, with no groping, for an entire hour.
This is next to impossible to do with someone with whom you are not compatible. A root canal is more enjoyable. And usually, if the couple realize they are not compatible, it only takes a few minutes to figure it out, and they both *know*.
They know that getting married won’t work, because it won’t last. And there is not a thing either of them could do to make it work, because it just won’t.
But if they can make it through that hour, they will both know that they can make it through the rest of their lives. Some people never do find someone they are compatible with, though they might try a dozen times. But eventually they figure out they might as well just forget getting married, because it’s not for them.
Yet necking is only properly done with someone you have known for a long time. So even it is the end of a long process. A process that the kids of the future need, unless we want another generation of loners with several divorces, children from busted homes, and people thinking that men are from Mars and women are from Venus.
Very thoughtful post...thanks.