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SNL Transcripts:

http://snltranscripts.jt.org/77/77dconsumerprobe.phtml

My guest tonight is Mr. Irwin Mainway, President of Mainway Novelties, and Chairman of the Board of Mainway Latex Corporation. Mr. Mainway, you are clearly the main flagrant offender in this area. For instance, your company manufactures and distributes this Halloween costume.. [ picks it up and holds it ] ..Johnny Space Commander mask, which retails for $6.95. It’s nothing more than a plastic bag and a rubber band. This is very dangerous for young children!

Irwin Mainway: [ grabs the costume ] Okay, I’m gonna say something about my product right here, Johnny Space Commander mask. I want to say, first of all, it’s a very fluid item, in terms of sales. I don’t know, Miss Face, if you’re familiar with the movie “Star Wars”? Well, this movie has generated a tremendous amount of popularity and enthusiasm about space and science fiction. [ rips open the costume packaging ] This Johnny Space Commander mask here is a pure fantasy toy. I mean, you know, kids can have a lot of fun with a toy like this, you know? Let me show you.. [ puts the plastic bag over his head, then wraps the rubber band around it ] “Hello, hello, this is Johnny Space Commander. I’m in deep space, I’m gonna land the rocket now!” You see what I mean? [ takes off the plastic bag ] You see what I mean? It’s a pure fantasy toy!