He can handle his self. He needs something his wife can handle too. No disrespect to a 45. A great weapon
This tells me he needs to forget the .40 unless his wife has relatively large hands and has experience with the sharp recoil of this cartridge. The overwhelming majority of women will not find the .40 to be an experience they care to repeat with regular range time.
When you mentioned his wife’s use , the additional attention and training for a double action semi auto came to mind. Two very different trigger pulls. Not to say bad, just the first shot is very different from the rest. I’m sure you will see to training and practice. Remind them - glasses and ear protection . safety safety .Good luck, God bless.
with a single stack mag, a .45 will fit a woman’s hand too. I can only speak for kimber on this part, but recoil is very manageable as the weight of the gun takes some out of it too. I have no trouble popping off multiple fast shots.