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The flip side...

Dear Diary:

Aug. 12 - Moved into our new home in Minnesota. It is so beautiful
here. The hills and river valleys are so picturesque. I have a
beautiful old oak tree in my front yard. Can hardly wait to see
the change in the seasons. This is truly God’s Country.

Oct. 14 - Minnesota is such a gorgeous place to live, one of the
real special places on Earth. The leaves are turning a multitude
of different colors. I love all of the shades of reds, oranges and
yellows, they are so bright. I want to walk through all of the
beautiful hills and spot some white tail deer. They are so
graceful, certainly they must be the most peaceful creatures on
Earth. This must be paradise.

Nov. 11 - Deer season opens this week. I can’t imagine why anyone
would want to shoot these elegant animals. They are the very
symbol of peace and tranquility here in Minnesota. I hope it snows
soon. I love it here!

Dec. 2 - It snowed last night. I woke to the usual wonderful
sight: everything covered in a beautiful blanket of white. The oak
tree is magnificent. It looks like a postcard. We went out and
swept the snow from the steps and driveway. The air is so crisp,
clean and refreshing. We had a snowball fight. I won, and the
snowplow came down the street. He must have gotten too close to
the driveway because we had to go out and shovel the end of the
driveway again. What a beautiful place. Nature in harmony. I
love it here!

Dec. 12 - More snow last night. I love it! The plow did his cute
little trick again. What a rascal. A winter wonderland. I love
it here!

Dec. 19 - More snow - couldn’t get out of the driveway to get to
work in time. I’m exhausted from all of the shoveling. And that
snowplow!

Dec. 21 - More of that white shit coming down. I’ve got blisters
on my hands and a kink in my back. I think that the snowplow
driver waits around the corner until I’m done shoveling the
driveway. Asshole.

Dec. 25 - White Christmas? More freakin’ snow. If I ever get my
hands on the sonofabitch who drives that snowplow, I swear I’ll
castrate him. And why don’t they use more salt on these roads to
melt this crap??

Dec. 28 - It hasn’t stopped snowing since Christmas. I have been
inside since then, except of course when that SOB “Snowplow Harry”
comes by. Can’t go anywhere, cars are buried up to the windows.
Weather man says to expect another 10 inches. Do you have any idea
how many shovelfuls 10 inches is??

Jan. 1 - Happy New Year? The way it’s coming down it won’t melt
until the 4th of July! The snowplow got stuck down the road and
the shit head actually had the balls to come and ask to borrow a
shovel! I told him I’d broken 6 already this season.

Jan. 4 - Finally got out of the house. We went to the store to get
some food and a goddamn deer ran out in front of my car and I hit
the bastard. It did $3,000 in damage to the car. Those beasts
ought to be killed. The hunters should have a longer season if you
ask me.

Jan. 27 - Warmed up a little and rained today. The rain turned the
snow into ice and the weight of it broke the main limb of the oak
tree in the front yard and it went through the roof. I should have
cut that old piece of shit into fireplace wood when I had the
chance.

May 23 - Took my car to the local garage. Would you believe the
whole underside of the car is rusted away from all of that damn
salt they dump on the road? Car looks like a bashed up, heap of
rusted cow shit.

May 10 - Sold the car, the house, and moved to Georgia. I can’t
imagine why anyone in their freakin’ mind would ever want to live
in the God forsaken State of Minnesota.

Here’s a true weather story......

I grew up on the coast of North Carolina, where it’s hot and humid in the summer, and if we got one snow during the winter that covered the shoes, that ws a lot.

I enlisted in the Navy, left for boot camp on April 26, 1978.

The day I left it was sunny and 78 degrees in Raleigh. Wasn’t thinking, wore jeans, sneakers, t-shirt, and carried a few toiletries in a bag. No coat.

Got on the plane at RDU, flew into Chicago O’Hare. Got there about dark. There are only two seasons in Chicago, winter and the 4th of July. It definitely was NOT the 4th of July. And it’s not called the “Windy City” for nothing. Taxi took me and another guy (who was smart enough to wear a coat) and dumped us off at the gate of Recruit Training Center, Great Lakes, IL. We were told to wait (outide of course) and someone would come get us.

Finally, after almost forever (cold and shivering) we were taken to a barracks. We were issued an ugly raincoat stencilled “Receiving Company” to wear until we got our uniforms the next day. That raincoat was the most beautiful piece of clothing I had ever seen.

Fast forward 7 weeks near the end of boot camp to when we found out where we were going for our training. I wanted to be an Aviation Electronics Tech, which had the schools in first Orlando and then Memphis. What did I get?

Electronics Tech, 10 more months at Great Lakes. And I thought it was cold there in April. I never want to see winter anywhere near Chicago. Lake effect snow SUCKS!!! Shovelling snow every duty day from sidewalks onto piles higher than my head. We used the inside windowsill as a refrigerator, and the outside windowsill as a freezer!!!! Snow drifts chest deep. Nowhere to go, no way to get there.

Luckily, I spent the next 19 years at duty stations or on ships homported in Norfolk, VA. Weather more like home.

BTW, don’t try to swim in Lake Michigan, EVER!!! Went in the water in AUGUST and it took two days for me to find my cajones.