Replies

You sound like the picture perfect "enabler". Every child has the ability to learn by the responses they get from their adults. If the adult rewards them for bad behavior, then they will continue to give bad behavior. If their adult ignores the bad behavior or punishes the bad behavior, then the kid will learn that bad behavior is not acceptable. Even autistic children can learn the difference between bad and good behaviors. Giving in to them just shows them they control their adults and they will be rewarded for being bad.
As for your They aren’t doing it for attention. They are just that upset., what exactly do you think they are trying to accomplish with their tantrum? If they are "just that upset" and they are throwing a tantrum, they expect to be rewarded with something that makes them less upsetor what will make them happy. To me, that is the "attention" they are doing it for.