Posted on 06/21/2012 10:45:05 AM PDT by servo1969
“For a woman you would find sexually attractive to any degree, intimacy will tend to lead to desire, which will lead to frustration if the desire is not reciprocated. Even if you initially don’t think the woman is all that “hot”, friendly intimacy would lead to increasing sexual interest.”
I agree. If there is even the tiniest thing that a man finds attractive about a woman, the possiblity for shenanigans exists.
We’re not trying to be pigs. When we like a women we want to have sex with her. It’s not meant to be an insult.
“The world view of the interviewees is too narrow.”
No. That’s what the question is about. Not just ANYONE in the whole world including people who could be one of your grandparents. It’s about someone who is one of your ‘contemporaries’ so to speak. Someone you could be expected to date - as it is generally understood.
I guess I felt that it went without saying but the context here is men and women that COULD be attracted to one another. A lot of age separation? Not what I was talking about. When most people have this discussion they’re talking about two adults in the same general age catagory. I guess I should have been more specific.
Almost all men think of sex. It's biological. Doesn't make us pigs, just makes us human (and mentally healthy).
Some men have much better control and can allow themselves into more hazardous situations (melas for example)
The rest of us know our limits and try to stay within them.
Perhaps this is true for most non-Christians. I believe it is possible for Christian men to be friends with Christian women without hitting on them though.
Bunch-a-hooey. I’m friends with lots of women, never even gotten close to a “situation” because I’m not that dumb. We aren’t animals, we actually CAN practice self control.
Excuse me?
That you are incapable of having a friendship with a woman sounds like a personal problem to me.
I don’t know why any man would want to be “friends” with a woman without it being their spouse.
Being a friend to one woman is enough work, I can’t imagine being “friends” with more than one. It would be just too much damn work.
Talk about torture.
For some reason, that last sentence just whacked my funny bone. I guess I found the concept funny that someone would take it as an insult.
The Nags that Rush Limbaugh refers to jumped into my head. Darn, now I need some mind bleach...
There. That did a fine job...:)
When a guy doesn’t want to sleep with a girl, it’s usually because she’s ugly and he’s not drunk enough to sleep with her.....
Thank you. I don’t see what is so hard to grasp about the concept.
Invariably at church functions I’m generally in the midst of the conversations with the men at various times. To be honest, their conversations/discussions/debates are generally more interesting.
Marge: “Homer, haven’t you noticed that he prefers the company of men?”
Homer: “Who doesn’t!”
I have been able to work alone on nightshift with women most of my working life. It seems, for me at least, I don’t have any problem being friends with these women in a work context. However out side of work I tend to try not to be alone with any woman I am friendly with for more than 30 mintues. I think any man who trusts himself too much is either much stronger emotionally than me or a fool.
Mel
I don’t know what to say other than to each his/her own.
I guess that is why I called this entire thing nonsense because I do know men and women who can be friends with the opposite sex without those issues coming into play.
More hooey. Lots of the women I’m friends with are very attractive, and if we were both single I’d certainly make a play. But I understand the greater reality, I ain’t single and it’s not looking like that’s changing any time soon, most of them ain’t single, so we’re friends. And no it doesn’t lead to desire, just gotta know how to keep your brain in charge.
I wonder how many of the folks who think men and women can’t be friends play the lottery. A lot of folks play the lottery because they like to dream the “what would happen if”, which is really similar to why they say men and women can’t be friends. I don’t play the lottery, I find “what would happen if” dreams annoying because they draw your focus away from the good stuff you have. I have a great wife, no reason to replace her, so my female friends are “just” friends because there’s no reason to wonder if, if ain’t happening and I really would rather it stay that way.
Very true. It’s just a greater certainty that looks will fade. If you start out rich, it’s easier to die rich than it is to die good looking.
Unfortunately, it’s hindsight thing. A man in his 20’s can’t really grasp that he’ll die one day, although he knows he will intellectually. He can’t really grasp that his wife will in all likelihood lose her looks, even though he might know it intellectually. Or, he might just be fooled into thinking that his wife will keep her looks like Michelle Pfeifer even though his chances of winning the lottery are just as good. That’s the bane of being young. The future seems so far away, until you get there.
Exactly.
I guess when I wrote that it wasn’t meant to be an insult I was still thinking about post #24 - “Not all men are pigs and just think of sex.” It’s not because we’re pigs, it’s because we like you (women.) I guess that goes to the different ways in which sex is perceived.
Well, that is a different thing. If you are a professional, you have to function that way, you CAN be “just friends” in work.
I think it is quite different as a guy to have a female friend that you would socialize with on your own. Perhaps some people here can do it, I don’t think, given normal human proclivities, that it is a good idea.
Older men women who say they can have a friend of the opposite sex don’t surprise me. There comes a point in your life (hopefully) where you realize that throwing away all that makes you happy for the sake of a thrill that gets your heartrate up for a few minutes, isn’t really worth it and is worth combating.
I did let my wife read this thread, and she makes a good point in that I’m not being totally honest if I didn’t point out that we’ve both had to end friendships, when the other party offered to go further.
I can be friends with a woman, no matter how sexually attractive I find her, or how sexually attracted she may be to me, provided that we both understand that it stops at attraction. It’s one thing to say no once, but another thing to have to repeatedly say no. I’ve demonstrated I have the strength for the former, but wouldn’t want to test the latter.
I think it is one of the things that has helped me embrace getting older and helped me enjoy it...nobody keeps it forever. Nobody. It is like life...nobody gets out alive!
Once you accept that, it is liberating. You don’t have to look like slob, but neither do you have to obsess over your physique.
I must say, I wouldn’t mind being 20 years old again just to have a body that didn’t protest quite so often, but I would only do it if I could my brain into that body. Otherwise, no sale!
Yeah, I don’t get the whole segregation thing myself. At parties, I usually wind up talking to everyone, going from group to group, which usually includes the guys in the den and the women in the kitchen. Want to drive me out of a room? Talk about a sport other than boxing/MMA. I’ve seen maybe 3 ball games from start to finish my entire life, and that’s 3 too many.
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