you have to wrap your fish and wipe your butt with something
I doubt that a newspaper makes for a comfortable butt wipe.(I know you were kidding)
And the ‘fish wrap’ ship has sailed. There’s all kinds of plastics that can be used that don’t come at the cost of liberty. In most states, you can still get plastic bags when you buy groceries.
There you go. Fully free fish wrap. Won’t even cost you a quarter. That way you don’t have to give your quarter to Obama *COUGH* I mean the newspaper.