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Vanity: For My Dad, who has Alzheimer's
Sad heart | 11/10/12 | Self

Posted on 11/11/2012 12:09:12 AM PST by Yaelle

I wrote this tonight and just need to share it. Maybe some of you have family members with this insidious disease too.

Hello; it's good to see you.
I don't remember why it's good to see you, but it is.
I know I like you, and my eyes crinkle in evident delight that you are here.
Immediately I want to rattle off something witty and topical, 
But I don't remember the words right.
So I look for something I can see, and relate it to you.
It's good to see you.
My smile is not like my smile of before.  It's full of undivided pleasure.
When you used to come, I'd have a frown right after my quick grin.
The market is down; my team lost; there's a plumbing problem; I've got so much to do.
I'd cut the visit short because I was so busy.
Now, for now, nothing impedes the pleasure I have at just meeting your eyes.
I know I like you.
Later my expression will seem pained.  It may be time for you to go.  
Stimulation makes me very tired after a while.
I still walk like I did, hale fellow well met.
I know I used to feel important.  I still do.
I don't remember why.
I don't remember that I used to juggle so many balls in the air;
I ran a business, took jobs on the side, volunteered, and traveled the world.
Numbers and bills and stocks and payrolls flew in and out of my head all day, 
Things it now takes six people a lot of time to do instead.
I used to read trade papers, journals, novels, biographies.
Now I read each piece of mail with equal interest, 
Even if it has an envelope that reads, "You may already be a winner."
I love to see my family.  I ask questions of my older grandchildren 
But they aren't the curious questions I used to ask.
Still, I try to ask a question, even if I don't get the words right.
I want to still tell them I love them
But I can't.
I want them to grow up like me, putting the most important things first.
It didn't always work with their parents but I hope it skips a generation.
But I can't get it right so I just smile at them and try to ask them if they are happy.
I still crouch down and play with my little grandchildren.
Nothing has changed!  We connect in a special way
And that is all we need.  We laugh.  We play.  We roll a ball together.
I hope they remember playing with me.
I am so glad you came.
I long to share with you something I thought about recently.
I can't.  
I love getting your opinions.  I just don't remember on what.
But it's good to see you.
I know I'll be smiling big when I see you next time.


TOPICS: Health/Medicine
KEYWORDS: alzheimers; brewersyeast; dementia; diamondvxpc; father
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I've had so much joy in my life. But this part isn't so great.
1 posted on 11/11/2012 12:09:16 AM PST by Yaelle
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To: Yaelle

Oh, Yaelle. That is one of the most poignant pieces of personal prose I have ever read. G-d bless you for posting so much shining and unconditional love on this forum in the midst of these ugly, dark days.
You have honored your father.


2 posted on 11/11/2012 12:20:39 AM PST by MestaMachine ($)
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To: Yaelle

I hope maybe someone might see this and it might make someone else feel not so alone.

I don’t know whom to ping.


3 posted on 11/11/2012 12:20:58 AM PST by Yaelle
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To: Yaelle

Nice.

Been there.

Let me know if you need help or just to talk.

There are others on here who have been down your walk as well.

You are not alone.


4 posted on 11/11/2012 12:21:31 AM PST by Vendome (Don't take life so seriously, you won't live through it anyway)
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To: MestaMachine

Thanks, Mesta. I love him so much. He did everything for me.

He survived the Holocaust as a small child and went on to make something of himself. He was quite a success and a great father. He didn’t deserve to end up like this but Gd has His reasons.


5 posted on 11/11/2012 12:23:29 AM PST by Yaelle
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To: Yaelle
Oh Yaelle! My heart goes out to you! Alzheimer's is such a cruel disease. It was easily the hardest thing my family has ever experienced. May God lift you up and lighten your burdens my friend!
6 posted on 11/11/2012 12:23:40 AM PST by Casie
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To: MestaMachine

My dad has Alzheimer, and this hit me hard. Thanks for posting and may God be with you and your family in these hard days.


7 posted on 11/11/2012 12:24:20 AM PST by winner3000
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To: Vendome

Can’t see through these tears.

I must not be alone if the stats are true that half the people over 85 have it. He is only 81.

Thank you so much.


8 posted on 11/11/2012 12:24:56 AM PST by Yaelle
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To: MestaMachine

My dad has Alzheimer, and this hit me hard. Thanks for posting and may God be with you and your family in these hard days.


9 posted on 11/11/2012 12:25:11 AM PST by winner3000
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To: Yaelle

Hey, my dad suffered from some sort of dementia too. But I helped him get better. My sympathies.


10 posted on 11/11/2012 12:26:06 AM PST by MetaThought
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To: winner3000

I am so sorry. It’s just plain unfair for them.


11 posted on 11/11/2012 12:26:58 AM PST by Yaelle
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To: Yaelle

My aunt has Alzheimer’s. I know how it feels.


12 posted on 11/11/2012 12:28:29 AM PST by max americana (Make the world a better place by punching a liberal in the face)
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To: MetaThought

What helped him? Coconut oil?


13 posted on 11/11/2012 12:33:12 AM PST by Yaelle
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To: max americana

I’m sorry, Max, my fellow conservative angelino.


14 posted on 11/11/2012 12:34:17 AM PST by Yaelle
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To: Yaelle

My grandmother had alzheimer’s. After she was too far gone, my mother wouldn’t let me come with her to visit. In some ways, I love her for that because I want to remember my grandmother as she was, vibrant and full of energy. I could see how difficult it was for my mother.


15 posted on 11/11/2012 12:35:31 AM PST by grateful
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To: Yaelle
My prayers for you and for your Dad. I walked that path with my Mom and it just broke my heart. Such a cruel disease. We moved her in with us so she could be taken good care of.

If you ever need a shoulder, I've got two of them here for just such leaning. You're welcome to them.

God Bless you!

16 posted on 11/11/2012 12:40:28 AM PST by oldteen
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To: Yaelle

That is wonderful Yaelle. Your dad sounds like a lovely person. Thank you for sharing that with the forum.

I, too, have a dad with Alzheimer’s and a maternal side aunt with it that lives in Canada.


17 posted on 11/11/2012 12:44:36 AM PST by beaversmom
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To: Yaelle

I understand. My Mom has Alzheimer’s or some kind of dementia. It is insidious. She knows what’s happening and hates it and hates the trouble it is for me. And I can’t do anything about her condition and I hate that and I hate the suffering it’s causing her.


18 posted on 11/11/2012 12:46:34 AM PST by TigersEye (Who is John Galt?)
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To: Yaelle

Diamond V XPC, it’s a form of brewer’s yeast, and its good stuff. It’s animal feed (!), but I’ve found it more effective than epicor the human version. Let me know if you want more info.


19 posted on 11/11/2012 12:47:55 AM PST by MetaThought
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To: Yaelle

Dementia is difficult, it’s just so sad to witness the decline. In certain circumstances it may be something of a mercy at times for affected persons themselves, though. Try to be grateful that he’s happy. That’s not always the case.

My late grandmother cried and begged to go home constantly, although she didn’t know where that was or who we were, and prior to that, when we tried to keep her in her own home she’d wander off, scaring everybody to death. She eventually became mean, vrrbally abusive then physically violent to the extent an 88 year old woman could be described as such.

We loved her and mourned her passing, but it was a relief and a blessing when she did. I’m very torn about saying that, and disagree profoundly with some of the conclusions others might reach as a result of such an observation. She lived her full life and died a natural death.

That is as it should be.


20 posted on 11/11/2012 12:48:07 AM PST by RegulatorCountry
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To: Yaelle

That is so nice. God Bless you!


21 posted on 11/11/2012 12:50:27 AM PST by tsowellfan (Allen West for Speaker!)
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To: Yaelle
God bless you and your family Yaelle!

I lost my Grandfather to the horrible pains of Alzheimer's - I'm looking at his picture on the mantle; holding a crate of raspberries he was so proud of growing in the back yard. I can still hear his voice with that picture as he looks down over my family.

I don't know exactly what to tell you but please remember the good times. Your Dad is always your Dad, please keep talking to him over and over again; I've heard it helps and have no reason to believe otherwise.

Take care of you too, Alzheimer's takes a toll on the whole family so please don't take it all on yourself.

22 posted on 11/11/2012 12:51:41 AM PST by voteNRA (A citizenry armed with rifles simply cannot be tyrannized)
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To: Yaelle

Thanks bud but you showed more spirit in what you did for your Dad. You’re awesome. I’ll say a prayer for you but I’m still mad at Him for not listening to my prayer that Odumbo not win the election..but I’ll slip it in.


23 posted on 11/11/2012 12:56:27 AM PST by max americana (Make the world a better place by punching a liberal in the face)
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To: Yaelle; Texas Termite; .30Carbine; 68 grunt; 8mmMauser; admiralsn; Aggie Mama; al_c; Alamo-Girl; ...

You didn’t know who to ping...but I do.

Logan’s Prayer Warriors...one of our own is hurting tonight. Please pray, please read this tribute to her Dad, please take from it if YOU need to.

Yaelle, you know I love you, I’d do anything for you. I wish I could take this hurt from you.


24 posted on 11/11/2012 12:56:53 AM PST by Bradís Gramma (PRAY for this country like your life depends on it......because it DOES!)
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To: Yaelle; Texas Termite; .30Carbine; 68 grunt; 8mmMauser; admiralsn; Aggie Mama; al_c; Alamo-Girl; ...

You didn’t know who to ping...but I do.

Logan’s Prayer Warriors...one of our own is hurting tonight. Please pray, please read this tribute to her Dad, please take from it if YOU need to.

Yaelle, you know I love you, I’d do anything for you. I wish I could take this hurt from you.


25 posted on 11/11/2012 12:57:51 AM PST by Bradís Gramma (PRAY for this country like your life depends on it......because it DOES!)
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To: Brad's Gramma

Whoops


26 posted on 11/11/2012 1:00:22 AM PST by Bradís Gramma (PRAY for this country like your life depends on it......because it DOES!)
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To: Yaelle

I lost my Mom last year to Alzheimers. I can’t tell you how hard it was. I tried my best to keep her at her home. My sister and I tried several caretakers but Alzheimers is very difficult to take care of. We were lucky to get her into a home where she was cared for till her passing. I honestly believe Alzheimers takes it toll on the family having to deal with the increasing loss. Very emotionally painful.


27 posted on 11/11/2012 1:05:29 AM PST by jacksonstate
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To: Brad's Gramma

Love shines on the inside where no one else can see. I believe this with all my heart and soul. The words may be forgotten, but the feeling never is. Somewhere deep, they know.


28 posted on 11/11/2012 1:07:55 AM PST by MestaMachine ($)
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To: MestaMachine; Yaelle

Years ago I was back in Wisconsin to visit my uncle. He was SO happy to see me, we chatted, we laughed, he asked “questions”, I answered...I thought all was well.

About 10-15 minutes into this, all of a sudden his eyes REALLY lit up and he said, “Nancy! When did YOU get here?? It’s SO nice to see you!!!”...

Without skipping a beat, we kept talking.

Then my Daddy, in the nursing home a couple of years ago, the last time I talked to him. I have NO clue what he said to me as his words were so slurred, but I could *tell* he was laughing.

Yeah, they’re “in there”...deep down, they know.

Yaelle...everyone...hang on to the happy. I know it’s hard.

Everyone else? If you can possibly “babysit” an Alzheimer’s patient for part of a day to relieve the family, please do so. The family needs a reprieve too.


29 posted on 11/11/2012 1:13:34 AM PST by Bradís Gramma (PRAY for this country like your life depends on it......because it DOES!)
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To: Brad's Gramma

BTTT


30 posted on 11/11/2012 1:17:16 AM PST by E.G.C.
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To: Yaelle
Thank God for you Yaelle

He is so blessed to have you.

31 posted on 11/11/2012 1:19:55 AM PST by KTM rider
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To: Yaelle

(((((Yaelle)))))

Alzheimer’s is so much worse for the caregivers. I’m very sorry.


32 posted on 11/11/2012 1:24:32 AM PST by Jemian
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To: Yaelle

Prayers for your father and for you and your family.

God bless.


33 posted on 11/11/2012 1:25:36 AM PST by Jim Robinson (Resistance to tyrants is obedience to God!!)
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To: MestaMachine; Yaelle

That’s good, MM. I like it. I hadn’t thought of that but it sure rings true when I read it.

Yaelle, I see you have a support system here who are or have gone through it with their parent/grandparent. And this place is open 24/7! Hopefully that Diamond V XPC will help your dad.


34 posted on 11/11/2012 1:29:43 AM PST by presently no screen name
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To: Yaelle

As someone else said, you have honored your father. And your writing is really good. I think people beyond freerepublic would like to read this.


35 posted on 11/11/2012 1:41:19 AM PST by wideminded
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To: Yaelle

We lost my grandmother to this awful disease. She couldn’t remember my name, when I asked her who I was but she looked at my 2 year old daughter and she said, “Why you’re her mother!” I still cry when I think about it. Remember the good times.


36 posted on 11/11/2012 1:52:05 AM PST by texgal (end no-fault divorce laws return DUE PROCESS & EQUAL PROTECTION to ALL citizens))
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To: Yaelle
Hang in there FRiend.
Do not get angry with yourself when you feel frustration or a tinge of resentment.
Realize that, aside from the actual work of caring for your Dad, just knowing the inevitable outcome is quite a burden.

The more I think about this the more comes to mind. Taking care of a parent with this disease can be...IS...quite overwhelming at times.

Learn to grasp the ‘good’ days (hours, minutes) when they come, because they will be fewer and farther spaced all too soon.

‘Taint easy...and in the future, when you think back and second guess yourself...don't. You are doing the right thing...and for the right reason.

37 posted on 11/11/2012 1:55:06 AM PST by Roccus
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To: Yaelle

Thank you for that.

Tonite I was working at my dad’s computer. He will be 88 on
Xmas Eve. He was a combat wounded WWII paratrooper.
Mom died a year and a half ago after 64 yrs of wedlock.
My older sister takes care of him.

His computer is in a room where he hangs plaques, career
momentos, and photos like the 24x20 of him, Governor Reagan,
and three other men he can’t recall the names of in the Gov’s
office. As Pop walked by me he asked if I had known he holds
a PhD in vocational agriculture education? I said “ Sure Dad,
your diploma is hanging right there.” He replied “I saw that
this morning but I didn’t know.”

I couldn’t help but shed a tear as I read your message

God Bless your father and you.


38 posted on 11/11/2012 2:21:13 AM PST by Sivad (Nor Cal Red Turf)
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To: Yaelle

My prayers are with you.


39 posted on 11/11/2012 3:20:32 AM PST by Winstons Julia (Hello OWS? We don't need a revolution like China's; China needs a revolution like OURS.)
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To: Yaelle

My prayers are with you.


40 posted on 11/11/2012 3:21:31 AM PST by Winstons Julia (Hello OWS? We don't need a revolution like China's; China needs a revolution like OURS.)
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To: Yaelle
What a tremendous tribute.

Those of us who can remember must do so for those who cannot.

As one of my grandmothers faded, I learned to take pleasure in the moment of her company, knowing full well she might not remember tomorrow, and to give her gifts which she could enjoy--simple things like home made jelly to give a moment of pleasure back to someone who had given me so much.

She's gone home now, but I still remember, and that is enough.

41 posted on 11/11/2012 3:26:06 AM PST by Smokin' Joe (How often God must weep at humans' folly. Stand fast. God knows what He is doing)
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To: Yaelle

Oh my dear, my heart goes out to you! My mom had dementia, though we think it was caused by brain seizures. I saw your question about coconut oil. I myself have been researching it. I just did a search and found the following website:

http://healthimpactnews.com/2012/coconut-oil-and-alzheimer%E2%80%99s-disease-the-news-is-spreading/

Watch the videos. There is a man in one video who’s doctor wanted to put him in a home, but the man’s wife refused and she heard about coconut oil and decided to try. The man who has the alzheimers is the one talking in the video.

My prayers are going up for you and your dad

God bless,
sneaks


42 posted on 11/11/2012 3:28:18 AM PST by sneakers (Go Sheriff Joe!)
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To: MetaThought

I have read about their XPS. What is the difference?


43 posted on 11/11/2012 4:16:14 AM PST by Library Lady
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To: Yaelle
Made me cry, but I needed to anyway. Beautifully written, Yaelle. You revealed some of your father's loveable character in it.

I have a family member who has been diagnosed with FTD (frontotemporal dementia) which is similar to Alzheimer's.

44 posted on 11/11/2012 4:30:08 AM PST by arasina (Communism is EVIL. So there.)
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To: Yaelle

My prayers are with you and your Dad.


45 posted on 11/11/2012 4:37:11 AM PST by lysie
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To: MestaMachine
Love shines on the inside where no one else can see. I believe this with all my heart and soul. The words may be forgotten, but the feeling never is. Somewhere deep, they know.

Yes. I believe this as well. Love is the vehicle for communication from soul to soul.

46 posted on 11/11/2012 4:37:28 AM PST by arasina (Communism is EVIL. So there.)
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To: Yaelle

I’ll pray for your father. I lost a grandfather to dementia and a grandma to Alzheimer’s. It’s a horrific disease, and it is heartbreaking seeing someone you love slowly slipping away. Their body is there, but their mind slowly isn’t. Towards the end of her life, my grandma would ask about her mom and her uncle who died decades before. She forgot who all but about six people were. What you wrote is beautiful by the way.


47 posted on 11/11/2012 4:51:20 AM PST by Pinkbell
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To: Yaelle

Oh my ...my screen is very blurry. Thank you so very much for sharing that - it’s very, very touching. You are a very kind, special and loving daughter. I know your Dad is proud of you.


48 posted on 11/11/2012 5:00:28 AM PST by 2nd amendment mama ( www.2asisters.org | Self defense is a basic human right!)
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To: Yaelle

We are going through this for the third time (two uncles and an aunt for whom we are primary caregivers).

I am sympathetic. It is hard, frustrating, and sad.

Lots of folks will give you good advice, so I will tell you one of the most important things: keep your sense of humor. If you cannot laugh once in a while....all you will do is cry.

Hang in there. It’s not a burden...it’s a work of love.


49 posted on 11/11/2012 5:42:43 AM PST by Vermont Lt (The dude abides.)
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To: Yaelle
I lost my grandmother to Alzheimer’s and it was probably the hardest challenge of my life so far. Near the end the only person she recognized was me, my mother thinks it was because I was her first grandson. I tried so visit her every week and always in the afternoons, she so loved to visit the rose garden at the home even after she could no longer walk or even remember that the flower was called a rose. But every time she smelled the roses there was light in her eyes but it dimmed much too fast.

R.I.P Nana

50 posted on 11/11/2012 5:47:49 AM PST by SledgeCS (Good Men Died. Obama Lied. Impeach the LYING COWARD!!!)
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