Posted on 02/15/2013 5:21:00 AM PST by Lucky9teen
Dentures...
A couple of old guys were golfing when one mentioned that he was going to go to Dr. Smith for a new set of dentures in the morning.
His elderly buddy remarked that he too had gone to the very same dentist two years before.
“Is that so?” asked the first old guy. “Did he do a good job?”
The second oldster replied, “Well, I was on the golf course yesterday when a guy on the next fairway hooked a shot. The ball must have been going at least 200 mph when it smacked me right in the testicles”.
The first old guy was confused and asked, “What the hell does that have to do with your dentures?”
“It was the first time my teeth didn’t hurt.....”
There's an app for that Rubio.
Damn you George Bush.
For those of you who might ask "Why would SJL hug on Ted Nugent?" I have an answer. Cynthia McKenney (BatSh*t Crazy - GA) Had a plaque on her desk in Washington that said "Buck Fush." Yet the woman with the worst attendance record in Congress showed up four hours early for the SOTU speeches so she could get a middle aisle seat and have her picture taken hugging the President when he came in. These people will do anything for 15 seconds on camera.
Keep Calm and Carry On, ladies...
Swiped and spread for maximum hilarity!!
Gonzo, I gots the cat scratch fever bad.
SJL is simply acting out her political strategy. When someone accused her of being a racist, she can just pull out this photo and insist that she is not.
“She, I hugged a white man only this year . . . or was it last year. I’m too busy to keep track of such mundane issues!”
If you're going to use the rest room....I suggest you light a match....I just got out of there...
A guy had been working all his adult life to be more. To make more. He was never the success his family wanted. 60 hour weeks and still he’d only get small promotions , always passed over for the big ones. Every night, he’d come come and his wife would tell him how “The So and So’s” had a bigger house or how other people’s kids were could afford elite colleges - why not theirs??
Then one day, it all fell apart. The job he was a shoe in, that one that would have “fixed everything”, was filled by the boss’ 24 year old son. When he went home, feeling down and breaking the news, his wife announced that she was leaving him - for his best (and more successful) friend. Despondent, he decided to give it all up. No more chasing the brass ring. His family was gone, so why not?
He decided to join a monastery and live a simple life. When meeting Brother Superior, he found that this was all that he wanted. A life with no pressure. Work was rewarded with a basic room and good, solid food. In exchange, all the monastery asked was a vow of silence. “But”, the brother advised, “once a year you will be allowed to say two words.” “Easy”, thought the man. “Time to myself and to reflect is just what I need”.
And so the first year went by in a flash. He was called into the Brother Superior’s office and advised now was the time he could say his two words. “Food cold”, the man said. “I see.”, said the brother. “I will make a note of that. See you next year.”
The second year went by as fast as the first. The man was again called in for his “two words”. This time, the man said “Bed hard”. “I see.”, said the brother. “I will make a note of that. See you next year.”
The third year went by, and the man was in the Brother Superior’s Office. “OK, brother. It’s again time for your two words. What are they?” asked the Brother Superior. “I quit!”, said the man. The brother superior looked up from his notes and said , “You know, I am not surprised. It’s been bitch, bitch, bitch ever since you got here !!!!”
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