Oh my gosh! I had no idea what one must go thru in this situation.
I had 3 sons and wanted a daughter. I became a foster parent of a little 5 year old girl from tragic family circumstances. During fostering, we never took a penny offered monthly. By the time she was 9 years old she became free for adoption. We adopted her. She is now 47 years old and a parent could not ask for a finer child. She is one marvelous loving, generous, human being. She has even written a text book used on junior colleges.
I ran into a social worker about 20 years ago who coincidentally had had 3 of my daughters 5 siblings in her care and management. She said that if my daughter wished, she would put her in touch with those siblings. Well, after 2 wks waiting for my daughter to let me know what she wished, I called my daughter and she said she wanted no contact with them. The siblings circumstances at the time were not very ‘glorious’.
I feel so lucky with our experience...and am sorry that your efforts have been so very unfortunate. I admire your stamina and am flummoxed at the attitudes and roadblocks you have encountered.
As I mentioned earlier up thread, two of my cousins were adopted. One of my cousins, the one who decided to adopt, adopted 3 of her and her husband’s 4 children, decided to seek her birth mother. They have now been in contact for several years and she has met others of her “birth” family and not long ago went to a “family reunion”. I know that hurt her parents, especially her mother, but my aunt has tried to be understanding.
My other cousin however, married and with two children, has absolutely no interest in seeking or knowing anything about his birth mother or birth family. As far as he is concerned, his parents are his parents and are his only parents and that we are his only family. Interestingly his wife was also adopted as a child and she feels the very same way. Ironically my female cousin with her blond hair and blue eyes looks more as the rest of us in our family do with our Norwegian/Viking heritage. My male cousin, well, there is no other way to say it, he looks Jewish and there is some indication that indicates that his mother was Jewish and possibly his father too, although he might have been Italian. He even jokes about it sometimes but he, rather than his sister who actually has some Scandinavian heritage by birth, is really into the family genealogy and our Scandinavian roots and culture. He and my brother and I have talked about taking a trip to Norway someday to see where my father and our grandparents were born.
I feel so lucky with our experience...and am sorry that your efforts have been so very unfortunate. I admire your stamina and am flummoxed at the attitudes and roadblocks you have encountered.
It was frustrating but things have a way of working out the way they are meant to. I couldn’t become a mom and my husband I divorced in 2004 after 20 years of marriage, although we are on quite friendly terms now, but I am an aunt and great aunt and I love that role. My niece and nephew are close enough to me in age that they are more like younger siblings and their kids: 8 and counting including a set of triplets, bring so much joy to my life.
I am so happy for you and your daughter, you are both blessed.