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'SmithEmphasisMas': Over-the-top renditions of Christmas themes applied to Joseph Smith [Vanity]
Colofornian
| Dec. 22, 2013
| Colofornian
Posted on 12/22/2013 8:21:46 AM PST by Colofornian
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To: Nifster
“Your comment is of the same category.”
The scripture doesn’t teach that you’re going to hell because your parents are divorced.
The scripture does teach that the truth matters, on the other hand. So, the question still stands, are there false prophets, or is Mormonism a valid religion and equal to Christianity?
To: Nifster
My parents were divorced when I was growing up and my catholic so called friends assured me I was going to hell because of it.
My baptist so called friends have assured me that I am going to hell for any of a dozen reasons because my faith isnt exactly like theirs.
_______________________________________________
so when the mormons told you were going to Hell because yo0u were not a mormon and you didn’t believe that Joey Smith was the savior of the mormons and greater than the LORD Jesus Christ what did you do then ???
To: AppyPappy; morphing libertarian; All
(Homesickness, which can intensify with a home visit, could lead to increased early bailouts before the period is up...that includes either potential drama with somebody romantically or potential romantical involvement or “drama” from other sources...family, etc.)
To: SaxxonWoods
Your fear and hatred is amusing in its futility.I can SEE the HATRED for Mormonism; But I missed the FEAR.
Could you point it out?
24
posted on
12/22/2013 3:55:35 PM PST
by
Elsie
(Heck is where people, who don't believe in Gosh, think they are not going...)
To: elcid1970
Rise up and take a breath!
25
posted on
12/22/2013 3:56:11 PM PST
by
Elsie
(Heck is where people, who don't believe in Gosh, think they are not going...)
To: Nifster
give it a break...
Please!!
No need to expose Mormonism's bad roots at THIS time of year!
26
posted on
12/22/2013 3:57:18 PM PST
by
Elsie
(Heck is where people, who don't believe in Gosh, think they are not going...)
To: Nifster
and the point is dont follow them not that you have to shout from the roof top every time you get a hair up your keesterSo you're of the type that'll let people go into eternity thinking that Mormonism will SAVE them from the Fires of HELL???
27
posted on
12/22/2013 3:58:25 PM PST
by
Elsie
(Heck is where people, who don't believe in Gosh, think they are not going...)
To: Nifster
... Mormonism will SAVE them from the Fires of HELL???Well; the OLD brand of it; anyway...
"Now if any of you will deny the plurality of wives, and continue to do so, I promise that you will be damned;
and I will go still further and say, take this revelation, or any other revelation that the Lord has given,
and deny it in your feelings, and I promise that you will be damned.
Brigham Young - JoD 3:266 (July 14, 1855)
28
posted on
12/22/2013 3:59:23 PM PST
by
Elsie
(Heck is where people, who don't believe in Gosh, think they are not going...)
To: Colofornian
(Please note, too, that the Mormon church doesn't give their missionaries a "holiday break")
We don't need no frickin', frackin' festive BREAK!!!
We're young! We're tough!!
We can do this 10/6/365 if we want!
The Rules
- Learn and obey all missionary rules.
- Keep your thoughts, words, and actions in harmony with the gospel message.
- Read only books, magazines, and other material authorized by the Church.
- Don't debate or argue.
- Center your mind on your mission.
- Dress conservatively. Elders: white shirts, conservative ties, and business suits. Sisters: conservative colors and skirts that cover your knees. No floor-length skirts or dresses.
- Cut your hair regularly.
- Keep your hair clean and neatly combed at all times in the approved style.
- Be neat and clean.
- Bathe frequently.
- Use deodorant.
- Polish your shoes.
- Iron your shirt and business suit.
- Arise at 6:30 A.M.
- Study for 2 hours every morning.
- Proselytize for 10 hours between 9:30 A.M. and 9:30 P.M.
- Turn off your lights at 10:30 P.M.
- Exercise regularly.
- Write in your journal regularly.
- Follow the "Missionary Gospel Study Program" (31157) for your personal study.
- Regularly study the Missionary Guide and the Discussions.
- Attend Sunday priesthood or Relief Society meetings, Sunday School, and sacrament meeting.
- Attend the general session of Stake Conference.
- Attend general conference broadcasts if available.
- Avoid all other church meetings unless you have a special assignment or are brining an investigator.
- Proselytize as much as possible on weekends and holidays because this is when you'll find people home.
- End your preparation day at 6:00 P.M. and proselytize from 6:00 P.M. to 9:30 P.M.
- Wear your missionary uniform in public on preparation day while not engaged in recreational activities.
- Arise at 6:30 on preparation day and study for 2 hours from the approved books.
- Take care of your physical preparation for the week on preparation day: wash your clothes, clean your apartment, wash your car, get your haircut, and shop for groceries.
- Write to your parents every week on preparation day.
- Write less frequently to your siblings, friends, and acquaintances.
- Don't communicate with any friends or acquaintances that are within or close to your mission boundaries, except as a part of official mission business.
- Plan safe, wholesome, and uplifting activities for preparation day.
- Stay with your companion during all activities.
- Do not go on road trips.
- Do not leave your assigned area without permission
- Do not watch television.
- Do not view unauthorized videocassettes.
- Do not listen to the radio.
- Do not listen to unauthorized audiocassettes or CDs.
- Do not participate in musical groups.
- Do not participate in athletic teams.
- Do not sponsor athletic teams.
- Do not engage in contact sports.
- Do not engage in water sports.
- Do not engage in winter sports.
- Do not engage in motorcycling.
- Do not engage in horseback riding.
- Do not engage in mountain climbing.
- Do not embark on a private boat.
- Do not embark in a private airplane.
- Do not handle firearms.
- Do not handle explosives.
- Do not swim.
- Do not play full court basketball.
- Do not play basketball in leagues.
- Do not play basketball in tournaments.
- You may play half-court basketball.
- Never be alone.
- Seek advice from your mission president if your companion is "having difficulties".
- Be loyal to your companion.
- Ask your mission president for help if your companion doesnt obey the rules.
- Pray with your companion every day.
- Study with your companion every day.
- Plan your work with your companion every day.
- Take time at least once a week for companionship inventory.
- Seek to be one in spirit and purpose and help each other succeed.
- Always address your companion as Elder or Sister.
- Sleep in the same bedroom as your companion.
- Do not sleep in the same bed as your companion.
- Do not arise before your companion.
- Do not retire after your companion. (apparently, being together is more important than getting the correct amount of sleep that your unique body requires.)
- Frequently study with your companion the Missionary Guide section on companions.
- Never be alone with anyone of the opposite sex.
- Never associate inappropriately with anyone of the opposite sex (conversely, they don't mention whether or not it is against the rules to associate inappropriately with anyone of the same sex).
- Do not flirt.
- Do not date.
- Do not communicate via phone or letter with anyone of the opposite sex living within or near mission boundaries.
- Do not visit a single or divorced person of the opposite sex unless accompanied by a couple or another adult member of your sex.
- Try to teach single investigators in a members home or have missionaries of the same sex teach them.
- Always follow the above rules, even if the situation seems harmless.
- Use the commitment pattern to get referrals from members.
- Keep your dinner visits with member briefs and during the customary dinner hour in the area.
- Remember to say thank you to those who feed you.
- Visit members and nonmembers only at appropriate times.
- Do not counsel or give medical treatment.
- Do not stay in the homes of people when they are on vacation.
- Only write letters to family members and friends at home.
- Do not telephone parents
- Do not telephone relatives.
- Do not telephone friends.
- Do not telephone girlfriends.
- Contact your mission president in case of an emergency.
- Take problems and questions to your mission president.
- Do not write to the President of the Church or to other General Authorities. Letters from missionaries to General Authorities are referred back to the mission president
- Respect the customs, traditions, and property of the people who you are trying to convert.
- Obey all mission rules.
- Obey the laws of the land.
- Do not get involved in politics.
- Do not get involved in commercial activities.
- Do not give any information about the area.
- Respect the customs and cultures of those who you are trying to convert to your own customs and culture.
- Respect the beliefs, practices, and sites of other religions.
- Do not say or write anything bad about the political and cultural circumstances where you serve.
- Do not become involved in adoption proceedings.
- Do not suggest or encourage emigration. (This rule is a bit ironic, given the now-defunct doctrine of gathering the believers to Zion)
- Be courteous.
- Provide community service.
- Do not provide community service that isnt approved by your mission president.
- Do not provide more than 4 hours a week of community service.
- Do not provide community service during the evening, weekend or holidaysthose are peek proselytizing times.
- Your mission president must approve your housing.
- Keep your housing unit clean.
- Do not live with single or divorced people of the opposite sex.
- Do not live where the spouse is frequently absent.
- Your living unit must have a private bath and entrance.
- You may occasionally fast for a special reason, but generally the monthly fast is sufficient.
- Do not fast longer than 24 hours at a time.
- Do not ask friends, relatives, and members to join in special fasts for investigators.
- Maintain your health.
- Eat a healthy diet.
- Sleep from 10:30 to 6:30.
- Follow the approved exercise program.
- Keep your body, clothes, dishes, linens, towels and housing unit clean.
- Dispose of your garbage properly and promptly.
- Follow the safety rules for all of your stuff.
- Seek medical care if you are in an accident or become sick.
- Be immunized.
- Spend your money only on things relating to your mission.
- Budget your money carefully.
- Keep a record of what you spend.
- Do not spend more than your companion.
- Do not loan money.
- Do not borrow money.
- Keep a reserve fund of $50 to $100 at all times for transfers.
- Pay your bills before leaving an area.
- Pay cash for all resale literature and supplies ordered from the mission office.
- Do not waste money on souvenirs.
- Do not waste money on unnecessary items.
- Be a frugal photographer.
- Do not accumulate excess baggage.
- Obey custom laws and regulations.
- Pay fast offerings each fast Sunday to the bishop or branch president where you serve.
- Pay tithing on outside sources of income (i.e. interest) to your home bishop or branch president.
- Evaluate your funds a few months before the end of your mission. If you have more than you need, ask that less be sent so that you can return home without excess money.
- Do not drive without a license.
- Drive only Church-owned vehicles.
- Do not drive members cars.
- Do not drive nonmembers cars.
- Do not give rides to members or investigators in Church-owned cars.
- Use cars only on approved mission business.
- Use cars only within the assigned geographical area.
- Be conscious of safety at all times.
- Drive defensively.
- Wear your seat belt.
- Pray for the Lords protection while driving.
- If your companion is driving, assist him or her.
- Do not tamper with the vehicles odometer.
- Know bicycle safety rules.
- Use extreme caution on your bicycle.
- Do not ride your bicycle after dark.
- Do not ride your bicycle in heavy traffic.
- Do not ride your bicycle in adverse weather conditions.
- Go directly to your new area when transferred.
- Find your new companion without delay when transferred.
- Have a maximum of two suitcases and a briefcase.
29
posted on
12/22/2013 4:02:03 PM PST
by
Elsie
(Heck is where people, who don't believe in Gosh, think they are not going...)
To: Colofornian
We can do this 10/6/365 if we want!
(Actually; they HAVE to!!)
#16
30
posted on
12/22/2013 4:05:03 PM PST
by
Elsie
(Heck is where people, who don't believe in Gosh, think they are not going...)
To: Nifster
My baptist so called friends have assured me that I am going to hell for any of a dozen reasons because my faith isnt exactly like theirs.Eh.. BAPTISTS!! Who cares what THEY say.
Now a Living Prophet®, he might just carry some weight!
31
posted on
12/22/2013 4:06:11 PM PST
by
Elsie
(Heck is where people, who don't believe in Gosh, think they are not going...)
To: Tennessee Nana
My parents were divorced...So?
What about all the kids who NEVER had 'parents' that were married, they outta luck COMPLETELY?
32
posted on
12/22/2013 4:07:33 PM PST
by
Elsie
(Heck is where people, who don't believe in Gosh, think they are not going...)
To: Colofornian
(Homesickness, which can intensify with a home visit, could lead to increased early bailouts before the period is up...that includes either potential drama with somebody romantically or potential romantical involvement or drama from other sources...family, etc.)That's because numbers 75-81 and 115 were not obeyed!!!
33
posted on
12/22/2013 4:09:23 PM PST
by
Elsie
(Heck is where people, who don't believe in Gosh, think they are not going...)
To: Elsie; Nifster
I was quoting what nifster said about his parents...
Nana’s parents were married more than 50 years..
when my mother died my father put the words “Proverbs 31:28, 29” on their double tombstone..
To: reg45
I
was born in December too...
but I don’t claim to be greater than God like Joey Smith did ..
(One month later June 1844 God killed the pagan Smith for his rebellion)
To: Tennessee Nana
My step-daughter sells Thirty One stuff.
36
posted on
12/23/2013 3:35:54 AM PST
by
Elsie
(Heck is where people, who don't believe in Gosh, think they are not going...)
To: Tennessee Nana; StormPrepper; teppe; restornu; Normandy; driftdiver
(One month later June 1844 God killed the pagan Smith for his rebellion)
JESUS: Hey Smith! Remember that boast you made about doing more than even I had done to hold the 'church' together?
JOSEPH SMITH: Where am I?
JESUS: Don't you remember? A few seconds ago you were in that jail.
JOSEPH SMITH: Oh; yeah; but where am I NOW?
JESUS: Don't you remember? Does bang - bang ring a bell?
JOSEPH SMITH: Oh; yeah - that crummy gun I had was about USELESS!
JESUS: I hope you left instructions on how to hold your church together.
JOSEPH SMITH: Dang! I knew there was SOMETHING I was forgetting!
JESUS: Looks like there's a power struggle going on down there.
JOSEPH SMITH: Yeah; there was always SOMEone who wanted the power that I held - especially over the LADIES - wink wink.
JESUS: No need to worry about that now; remember what my friend Matthew wrote down?
JOSEPH SMITH: This? At the resurrection people will neither marry nor be given in marriage; they will be like the angels in heaven (Matthew 22:30)
JESUS: That's it.
JOSEPH SMITH: I thought that was mistranslated.
JESUS: Nah - it was right.
JOSEPH SMITH: Oh well; it was fun while it lasted. My buds will still get it on with the girls.
JESUS: Uh; I'm sorry; in just a few more years; your followers will cavein to the United States government and abandon the 'Eternal Covenant' that you came up with.
JOSEPH SMITH: ME!? YOU are the one that told me to do that!
JESUS: Sorry; but you must have mistranslated what I told you. What part of Do NOT commit ADULTERY did you not understand?
JOSEPH SMITH: mumble....
JESUS: What did you say?
JOSEPH SMITH: Oh, nothing.
JESUS: Well; it was interesting talking to you; but now I must get back to perparing a place for those who believe in Me.
JOSEPH SMITH: Oh, yeah; the Celestial Kingdom.
JESUS: No...
JOSEPH SMITH: The Telestial one?
JESUS: Nope.
JOSEPH SMITH: SUREly not the TERRESTRIAL one!!
JESUS: Nope. Didn't you read that the mind of man had NOT conceived of it? Paul wrote it down in 1 Corinthians 2:9.
JOSEPH SMITH: I thought that was mistranslated.
JESUS: No; it wasn't.
JOSEPH SMITH: You SURE?
JESUS: Yes. Now I must be going: what did you say your name was again?
JOSEPH SMITH: Joseph Smith.
JESUS: Hmmmm. According to my Heavenly FAITHbook, you didn't sign in as one of my friends - sorry, I never knew you.
JOSEPH SMITH: But....
37
posted on
12/23/2013 3:38:32 AM PST
by
Elsie
(Heck is where people, who don't believe in Gosh, think they are not going...)
To: Colofornian
38
posted on
12/17/2014 5:16:15 PM PST
by
greyfoxx39
(Valerie Jarrett warned us they would "get even with those who opposed them"..)
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