I would be the anti-Pauler. "Ummm, what is with those pants?" "If that skirt were any higher, we would need the big Idol black dot. And two for me, please. Oy." "I've heard cats screeching by my back door at night sound pretty close to that. Are you in heat?" And some sugar for my late Grandma, "Oh, you think you actually look good in those jeans. Well, bless your heart."
We would have great, great FUN! ;^)
"Oh honey, what's this? What's happening? What's going on?"