You are a drunk. If you want to remain a drunk keep drinking. If you do not want to be a drunk stop drinking. It is entirely possible that your husband prefers you as a drunk. Don’t bother confronting him about this until you have stopped drinking for at least as long as you have been drinking.
Go to AA and keep going back. Get a sponsor and stick with her.
Find something else to mess up your life. Booze is not the only choice.
Louis Foxwell is right.
You have to decide if you want to drink yourself to death, or if you want to quit.
AA works. I know it does.
But you have to want to quit, and you have to work at it.
You have to go to meetings and make not drinking as much a part of who you are as drinking has been for you.
You will be amazed at the fineness of life when you are sober. It won’t be perfect, won’t always be easy. But it is way, way, way, way better.
Don’t think about your husband’s reactions right now, and your family’s reaction, all of that. You need to stop drinking, first and foremost, in order to survive.
If you are someone who thinks she can do it alone, or do it later, or only drink part-time...then you are lost.
You will die a lonely frightened drunk.
I will end by saying that posts on a website, while perhaps offering some good advice, just won’t get it done either.
You have to want to quit. And you have to work at it.