Their names stop them from being hired.
The humor in this thread is just one of many reasons to contribute to keeping the lights on here. I am headed right now to do my part for the 300 club. Follow along and do what you can!
Along with their complete lack of marketable skills, their complete unwillingness to keep regulars hours, their total distain for actual work, their serious lack of intelligence, and a bone deep sense of entitlement.