Abortion Also Effect the Man, says Post-Abortion Father

“Abortion is a decision that doesn’t just affect the woman. It is a choice that also affects the father. He may have been the one who demanded and coerced the woman into the abortion, or he may have been the one who stood silently by as the choice was made, without ever being part of the decision-making process, and told about it only after it was an accomplished fact. In either case, the husband becomes conflicted, despondent, and angry.

The views of both husband and wife become perverted, and their perspectives are tossed upside down. Deep down in their hearts, men sense the death of their baby, and they may suffer from the symptoms of Postabortion Stress – just as much as women do.”

Cheryl Chew Make Me Your Choice: Compelling Personal Stories of Struggle and Healing for Those Who Have Had or Dealt with Abortion (Shippensburg, PA: Destiny Image Publishers Inc., 2006) 58

I have been haunted by this very thing since 1996. It has and can lead to other issues related to future relationships. War on women is really about about a war on men declared back in 72. Women want to be on equal footing with men but yet want to be portrayed as delicate flowers. I can agree to some of the arguments since the woman’s suffrage but it takes two make a child even if it is the woman’s body which is the argument that gets dredged up in this particular issue. Because I guarantee you that once that thing sprouts out from her womb, she won’t be concerned it was her body anymore and go after the guy to support her and the young one.

In 1982, as I came to my senses and encountered my Savior’s unending love and forgiveness, the most difficult truth I wrestled with was the fact that Jesus even forgave me for pressuring a former girlfriend into aborting my child.

I no longer carry the weight and shame of that decision... I walk in the truth that in Jesus, there is no condemnation, only healing and restoration. However, it is very sobering to consider that my firstborn is not my first child.

I am blessed- far more than I deserve- with two witty, creative daughters and a fine, Brainiac son, but I do look forward to that day when I meet my first son.

I kept quiet about it for 26 years in deference to my wife who was the woman involved. We were 19 at the time, in college, in love and unexpectedly pregnant. I wanted her and the baby and was willing to drop out and get a job so she could stay in school. I thought she was on board. We had even put a deposit down on married housing when suddenly out of nowhere she told me she had made an appointment in NY to have an abortion. I tried to talk her out of it, but couldn’t so I took her there and brought her home a much different young woman. We went on to marry the following year, I left school to work for a year as we planned and after she graduated I went back and finished just as we had discussed. We were married for 26 years before she died from breast cancer which I blame on the abortion. We never had children because the abortion caused scarring which made her sterile.

Throughout her life she could never hold a baby and devoted her life to becoming ever more educated until she achieved her goal of receiving a doctorate. Her reason for having the abortion was so she could finish her degree. I think her obsession with education was driven by her need to make the abortion acceptable, and the doctorate was her substitute for never being a mother. I on the other hand have dealt with IBS and other stress related conditions through out my adult life, including my present idiopathic AFib that the doctors can’t find a cause for.

She told no one that I can find about the procedure. When I told my mom I thought her comment while simple, was also so wise as mother’s comments always are. “I would never have thought Linda Jane would do something like that. I can’t imagine what possessed you two to do that, but you never throw away a baby.”

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