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To: Jonty30
There might be a second, but there won’t be a third. People bought a ticket to see what the fuss is about. Now their curiousity has been filled, they will not be going back. From what I read, the movie was as boring as all could get ad likely won’t last long.

I just returned from the seeing FSG in the theater with my wife.

I tried to have an open mind. I realize a lot of people here hate the film without even seeing it. I didn't want to be one of those FReepers who hates the film just for the sake of hating it because conservatives are supposed to find such movies immoral or offensive.

So here's my completely open-minded, unbiased review:

It was terrible.

I knew there'd be a lot of sex. I've never pretended to be a Puritan by any stretch, but the film was just awful. People who think Americans will be put off by the sex scenes are wrong. Americans aren't offended by strong sexual content. The film is doing very well in Red State America, as did the books, and everyone who bought a ticket knew what they were in for before they took their seats. What we don't like are lousy, boring films and that's what this was.

The sex scenes didn't push the envelope at all. Except for some boobs, butts and careful lighting, they were about as erotic as a Madonna video. Nothing we didn't see in an 'R'-rated film 30 years ago.

It did remind me of a porn --the acting and script of a porn. The dialogue was terrible. The actors weren't believable in their roles. You never understood how or why this dude was a tech billionaire or why he had any interest whatsoever in Dakota Johnson's virginal, somewhat homely English major.

The main roles were miscast. Irish actor Jamie Dornan tried to channel Christian Bale but came off looking whiny, immature and in need of a sandwich. Dakota Johnson, (daughter of Don Johnson and Melanie Griffith) could not have been more dowdy. How was it that Grey, a self-made tech billionaire surrounded by a staff of hotties who look like the SI Swimsuit Edition became so p***y-whipped over Johnson's Anastasia Steele, a poor, naive college girl from Georgia? In one dramatic scene where Grey tells the true nature of his upbringing, I let out a guffaw. It just seemed so out of place.

Ten minutes into the film, I was looking at my watch.

I went to the 3:45 pm showing at a local cineplex with 14 screens. FSG was playing on four of them. The parking lot was full, people were parking in the grass and lines were snaking out the door. The place was packed, yet the auditorium for FSG was only half full. I think people were seeing Spongebob or Sniper. Maybe they'll be filling the seats tonight?

The film is going to make a bunch of money this weekend but I predict it will drop off quickly when word of mouth gets out about just how truly awful it is. Come Tuesday, when we all go back to work, the buzz is going to be terrible. This won't bode well for the two planned sequels.

If I want to see a movie with horrible acting, awful dialogue and no plot, I'll go see Expendables IV. At least it has stuff blowing up. This movie had nothing.

Back in the 1990s, a director by the name of Zalman King used to crank out a series of softcore sex flicks by the name of "Red Shoe Diaries" that would go to Showtime and then straight to video. They were boring and entirely forgettable. That's what this film was.

I didn't want to dislike this movie. Between what I spent on tickets, convenience charge, concessions and the babysitter, I was really hoping to enjoy it, at least a little bit. This was not to be.

The absolute highlight of the film was the trailer for Hot Tub Time Machine 2. This had me in stitches.

And that sums up my fair and unbiased review.

36 posted on 02/14/2015 5:31:04 PM PST by Drew68
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To: Drew68

daughter of Don Johnson, who hooked up with underage actresses and should have went to jail with Ron Lowe and half of Hollyweird


44 posted on 02/16/2015 2:11:29 PM PST by GeronL
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To: Drew68

Thanks for taking one for the FR team.


45 posted on 02/16/2015 2:20:58 PM PST by xp38
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To: Drew68

Thanks for your review. It reminds me of the ‘90’s opening of Sony’s remake of “Godzilla”, about which a TV reviewer (Roger Ebert??) commented that Sony’s decision to go ultrawide on the opening (2700 screens, huge for that time) was a signal that the executives thought that it would disappoint. They were right.


46 posted on 02/16/2015 2:24:01 PM PST by lentulusgracchus ("If America was a house, the Left would root for the termites." - Greg Gutfeld)
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To: Drew68

So I guess we can’t put you down for one of these?

http://www.vermontteddybear.com/sellgroup/fifty-shades-of-grey-bear.aspx?bhcp=1


47 posted on 02/16/2015 2:24:15 PM PST by Hillarys Gate Cult (Liberals make unrealistic demands on reality and reality doesn't oblige them.)
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