Posted on 02/27/2015 4:22:42 AM PST by Lucky9teen
Hang on! We're going paperless.
I’d offer her my seat if she’d offer me hers.
I continued to use my fifty cent pocket notebook
Question : ”What is the truest definition of Globalization ?”
Answer : Princess Diana’s death.
Where the world witnessed an English Princess with an Egyptian boyfriend crash in a French tunnel, riding in a German car with a Dutch engine, driven by a Belgian chauffer who was drunk on Russian vodka, followed closely by Italian Paparazzi, on Japanese motorcycles. Attempts to save her life were performed by an American doctor using Brazilian medicines.
This is sent to you by a Canadian, using American Bill Gates’ computer technology. You’re probably reading this on your computer, that uses Taiwanese chips and a Korean monitor assembled by Bangladeshi workers in a Singapore plant, transported by Indian truck drivers, unloaded by Sicilian longshoremen and trucked to you by Mexicans who are in the US illegally because the current president, possibly born in Kenya and educated as a Muslim in Indonesia refuses to enforce US law.
That, my friends, is Globalization !
I used to work for a forest products company that made paper.
They went “paperless” 10 or so years ago.
I guess they saw the writing on the wall.
A little off topic, but it’s the big topic here: THE WEATHER!
I’m in Norfolk, VA. We usually don’t get much snow, but when it does happen, WATCH OUT!!
We’ve had three bouts with snow since President’s Day. Schools have been open only 1 1/2 days in two weeks. Military bases have been closed numerous days. Why?
The roads around here are full of DEHYDRATED IDIOTS. If you add water (fog, rain, drizzle, snow, sleet) you get idiots. The degree of their idiocy is inversely proportional to the temperature of the water. The colder it gets, the crazier they drive.
The mother-in-law stopped by her daughter’s house after shopping to find her son-in-law boiling angry and hurriedly packing his suitcase.
“What happened?” she asked anxiously.
“What happened? I’ll tell you what happened. I sent an email to my wife -— your daughter -— telling her I was coming home a day early from my fishing trip. I got home . . . and guess what I found? Your daughter in bed with a naked guy! This is unforgivable, the end of our marriage. I’m done. I’m leaving forever!”
“Calm down, calm down!” said his mother-in-law. “There’s something very odd about that. She would never do such a thing. There must be a simple explanation. I’ll go speak to her and find out what happened.
A few minutes later, the mother-in-law came back with a big smile and said, “I told you there must be a simple explanation. She didn’t get your email.”
______
ROMANCE?
Barb was lying in bed one night. Carl was falling asleep but Barb was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk. ?
She said: “You used to hold my hand when we were courting.”
Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep.
A few moments later she said: “Then you used to kiss me...”
Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep.
Thirty seconds later she said: “Then you used to bite my Neck...”
Angrily, Art threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed.
“Where are you going?” Barb asked..
“To get my teeth!”
DOWN AT THE RETIREMENT CENTER
80-year old Bessie bursts into the rec room at the retirement home. She holds her clenched fist in the air and announces, “Anyone who can guess what’s in my hand can have sex with me tonight!!”
An elderly gentleman in the rear shouts out, “An elephant?”
Bessie thinks a minute and says, “Close enough.”
OLD FRIENDS
Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years, they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.?
One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, “Now don’t get mad at me... I know we’ve been friends for a long time but I just can’t think of your name. I’ve thought and thought, but I can’t remember it. Please tell me what your name is.”
Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her.
Finally she said, “How soon do you need to know?”
Senior Driving
As a senior citizen was driving down the motorway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife’s voice urgently warning him, Vernon , I just heard on the news that there’s a car going the wrong way on I-25. Please be careful!”
Hell,” said Vernon, “It’s not just one car. It’s hundreds of them!”
Friends, tell me this won’t happen to us !!!!
Good save!
I was working at Sara Lee when we instituted Casual Days because it was the new hip thing to do. SL owned Hanes Hosiery, which was devastated when work went casual.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.