So your solution is if there are no unicorns, just pretend they exist?
I don’t know, there is something transformative about the Office and the effect it has on mortal men. Lincoln was a high pitched, squeaky, doofus who couldn’t get out of his own way and people called him a baboon he was so ugly. Then he became the president and all hell broke loose! LOL
Okay, if out of 10 candidates you cannot find one you could vote for, you have bigger problems.
Ted Cruz does not fit the description you gave.
Since you hate them all, who would you like to see run and win?